


Survive or Die

by WithGreatPowerComesGreatResponsibility



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Agony, Canon Compliant, Discovering yourself, Eventual Romance, F/M, Multi, Romance, Slow Burn, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 79,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithGreatPowerComesGreatResponsibility/pseuds/WithGreatPowerComesGreatResponsibility
Summary: The apocalypse is spreading, but before anyone can figure out what's happening civilization collapses, you adapt and survive or you die. Will anyone make it out alive?
Relationships: Nick Clark/Original Female Character(s), Troy Otto/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a HUGE FTWD fan, (seasons 1 - 3) the Golden Years, as I like to call them.  
> This has an original female character that has been inserted in the story, I use direct lines from the show cause that's how I roll.  
> This fan fiction is my baby, having worked on it for a While. I hope you like it and remember, thank you SO MUCH for reading!
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!

Part one

“We’re here,” Mom said.  
“How was the drive?” I asked as I balanced the phone between my face and shoulder.  
“Good, not too much traffic. How are things there?”  
“Quiet.”  
“Got any plans?”  
“Oh yeah, I’m throwing a rager later.”  
She laughed. “Okay, well make sure to clean up before we get back. Harry is coming in now,” she said indicating that she wanted to get off the phone. “We’ll only be in San Diego until the weekend.”  
“Yeah, I know. Have fun.”  
“Bye,” she said.  
“Bye,” I repeated and then hung up.

I looked around, an empty house and nothing to do…I went to my bathroom and turned on the faucet. My favorite thing to do when home alone was to take long uninterrupted bubble baths. I lit some candles, turned on some Classical music, added the bubbles, put on a face mask, grabbed a drink, the house phone, and my cell phone. Once in the tub I sunk into the water, quickly drifting off to sleep.  
My cell phone beeping woke me up. After wiping my hands on a towel, I picked up the phone. There was a text from my brother. I opened an attachment and watched a quick video of what appeared to be a person who was dead, get up, and then shot several times by a cop on scene. But the guy kept coming. I shook my head and responded ‘you have too much time on your hands’.  
He sent back ‘you don’t think it’s real?’  
‘No.’  
I put the phone down and then let out my nearly cold water and then finished with a short shower.  
As soon as I stepped out and wrapped up in a towel, my phone beeped at me again. Another text from my brother. This video happened right here in LA, it was like the last, someone who appeared to be dead, got up, but they were…not right, they didn’t listen and were shot, several times before a shot to the head put them down. Chills ran through me.  
‘There are several videos, Lexi. Are you okay?’  
‘Yeah, I’m fine. As far as I can tell, everything is normal here.’  
‘Is mom there?’  
‘No, she and Harry went to San Diego for the week.’  
Suddenly there was an emergency broadcast that rang out on the radio. Something was going on.  
I quickly pulled on some clothes and then called Mom.  
“Things are strange here too,” Mom confirmed. “We’re coming home. Pack a bag and be ready when we get there. We’re going back east.”  
“…okay…” I said.  
“We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

I grabbed my go-bag, already packed and ready to go. I added a few extra things and waited for them to get home. As the evening dragged on though, they didn’t arrive, and eventually I couldn’t get anyone on the phone. The power went out, things were too weird, and I didn’t want to wait by myself. So, I left a note, in case they arrived and walked down the street to the Clark’s. The neighborhood was eerie, I could hear screaming in the distance. I picked up the pace.  
Right after my second knock the door opened, Nick Clark stood on the other side.  
“You look like shit,” I said with a smile.  
He smiled back at me. “You wanna come in?”  
I nodded, and he moved aside so I could.  
“Travis?” Madison asked walking into the room.  
“No, it’s just me.”  
“Hey Lexi,” she said sounding a little tired.  
“Mom and Harry are out of town, they said they were coming home today but now I can’t get anyone on the phone. Is it okay if I hang out here?”  
“Sure,” she said.  
“Thanks.”  
Madison left the room and then I joined Nick on the couch, their power was out too but they had candles and flashlights.  
“What happened to you?” I asked.  
He took in a breath and let it out slowly. “I, really don’t know how to explain it.”  
“When did you get back?” I asked.  
He had pulled one of his famous disappearing acts a few weeks ago, no one had heard from him.  
“Today. Where are your parents?”  
“San Diego, why?”  
“Just making conversation.”  
I had always liked Nick, he was lost, like me, kind of a black sheep, misunderstood. We were just about the same height, he was six feet tall and I am two inches taller, his hair was straight, deep brown, and down to his chin, though he usually kept it sliced back. I have a mohawk, the sides are newly naked as I had just finished my last laser hair removal treatment earlier in the week. Which should last about a year, fingers crossed. The strip down the middle was about four inches long and I had just dyed it blue and purple. My eyebrows were electric blue as well, an accident that I ended up liking and so I had repeated on purpose this time.  
His eyes were deep brown, like milk chocolate, I loved staring deeply into them, sometimes finding the caramel flecks around the pupal. He often had a devilish smile playing behind those eyes and a slight tug on the left side of his mouth, or that was just the look he gave me. My eyes are deep green. I have a small silver hoop hanging between my nostrils and tattoos just about everywhere.  
He’s a good friend, I mean, he has his demons, but he’s always been there when I needed him.  
“I like your hair,” he said. “And your eyebrows.”  
“Thanks,” I replied with a smile. “I wanted to put green in there too, but I can’t find the right shade.”  
“Hey Lexi,” Alicia, his younger sister said, as she walked into the room and flopped down next to me.  
Alicia is seventeen, Nick is nineteen, and I’m twenty-two. Alicia’s about five feet five inches tall with long wavy brown hair that has natural blonde highlights. Her eyes are greenish blue, she has a small nose and lips that pout perfectly. She’s also a good friend and these days I see her more often than Nick.  
“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked.  
“It’s…strange,” Alicia said.  
“Agreed. Where is Travis?”  
“He went to get Chris.”  
“Why? What’s happening?”  
“I don’t know,” said Alicia standing up. “But I’m tired of waiting around here.” She walked out of the room.  
I turned to Nick. “Tell me what you know.”  
So, he did, everything from waking up in the abandoned church where he usually did his drugs, finding his girlfriend, dead but…not, getting hit by a car, being in the hospital, escaping from the hospital, his friend, Calvin trying to kill him, he accidently killing Calvin and then he not being dead, but still kind of being dead.  
“Okay, okay, hang on. So, people are…what rising from the dead?” I whispered, we were sitting Indian style, facing each other on the couch, talking in hushed voices.  
“He was dead Lexi, and then he was…walking around. But he was different. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know I’m not crazy.”  
“Hang on,” I said pulling out my phone. “My brother sent me these, are they real?”  
He watched the short videos. “I think so.”  
“This is real…” I couldn’t believe it, what did this mean. “So, what’s happening is…really bad. Should I be worried that I can’t get anyone on the phone?”  
“It might be too early to tell.”  
“Nick…what happens if…Mom and Harry don’t make it home?”  
“You can stay with us,” he said taking my hands and giving them a squeeze. “It will okay Lexi.”  
I nodded but I felt my anxiety beginning to rise.  
“Come here,” he said holding his arms out.  
I turned around and then leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around me. “I’ve got you.”  
“I’m glad your back…and I’m sorry about Gloria.”  
He sighed. “It wasn’t going to last forever. I’ve missed you.”  
I smiled. “Me too.”  
Suddenly Madison walked into the room, she held up Monopoly. “Come on,” she said.  
We gathered around the coffee table.  
I think Madison is very beautiful, she’s five feet eight inches tall with shoulder length blonde hair and light blue eyes. She’s the toughest person I know, I’ve always found her easy to talk to, probably because she’s a high school guidance counselor.  
“I get the car,” Alicia declared.  
“Top hat,” said Madison.  
“Dog,” I said.  
Nick gave me one of those looks as he handed out the pieces. We got the game set up and Madison was banker. We played for a while and it was a nice distraction, even though in my true fashion I had spent most of the game in jail.  
Suddenly gunshots rang out and we got really quiet.  
“How long are we going to wait?” Alicia asked, breaking the silence a minute or two later.  
Madison rolled the dice. “We can go to sleep soon.”  
“Yeah, I can’t sleep when I’m waiting for someone to come home.”  
I checked my phone again, nothing. Madison put her hand on my arm, I looked at her.  
“You can stay with us, okay?” I nodded.  
“Lexi, your turn,” Alicia said handing me the dice.  
I rolled and then moved my token around the board, landing on Community Chest, I drew a card which then sent me to jail, of course. I moved my token across the board and then handed the dice to Nick.  
The lights came back on while we were playing, my phone buzzed, and I snatched it up.  
“Good news?” Madison asked.  
“It’s just my brother,” I said reading the text. “He’s with his wife and her family, they’re locking the gates. He hopes to see me and the others soon.”  
I sent a response ‘I haven’t heard from Mom or Harry since this morning.’  
‘Do you have somewhere you can go?’  
‘I’m with the Clark’s now, they said I can stay with them if I need to.’  
‘This is looking bad Lexi…’  
‘Just keep the gates shut and locked. You guys have enough supplies to ride out anything.’  
‘Yeah, okay. Be safe.’  
‘Will do, you too.’  
He sent a picture of them all, happy faces, lights on, it looked like a normal day for them.  
The game ended not long after that, we abandoned the coffee table, and Alicia sat at the small table in the kitchen, eating an apple. Madison was trying to get dinner together, Nick was wondering around. I tried calling Mom again. I got her voicemail and left a message, telling her I was safe and not worry. But I hoped they would arrive soon.  
“So, what do we do if he doesn’t come back?” Nick asked. “It’s been like, six hours. How bad could traffic be?”  
“Alicia- “Madison began but stopped as the power cut out. “Alicia will you go put the game away?”  
“I don’t really wanna…”  
“You know the rules,” Madison interrupted. “The loser puts the game away.” She turned on a flashlight and shined it on Alicia until she stood up.  
“Alright, I’m going,” she said walking out of the room.  
“You know what’s out there,” Nick said quietly. “We can’t stay here.” Madison looked over at me.  
“I already told her, everything,” he said reaching his hand out.  
I walked over and took it, I always felt better when I was touching him. He had this amazing calming presence, even in the face of danger and uncertainty.  
“I’m not trying to be an asshole,” he said.  
“Good,” she said with a smile.  
“He went to get his ex-wife…”  
“He went to get his son,” Madison said turning back to the counter.  
“Yeah, his family. I’m just saying…”  
“We’re his family,” Madison said. “He’ll come home.”  
“Maybe he went home,” Nick said after a moment.  
Madison turned back around. “You know that thing you were saying about not being an asshole…?”  
“Hey, I’m sorry. I just don’t…”  
“It’s happening again,” Alicia said cutting Nick off as she walked into the kitchen.  
Madison grabbed her flashlight and followed Alicia to the window. They looked outside.  
“I don’t see anything,” Madison said.  
“We need to get away from the windows,” Nick said dropping my hand and walking over to where they were and then he shut the blinds.  
He took Madison off to the side.  
“Mom we need to tell Alicia what’s going on,” he said quietly.  
“Maybe we don’t have to. Let’s just wait for Travis to get home. Alicia come on down here.”  
We went back to the living room. Then there was a thump at the sliding glass door. Nick went over to check it out.  
“Nick, no,” said Madison.  
He held up his hand, listening. He went to pull the curtain back.  
“Don’t open it!” Alicia whispered frantically, but he pulled it back anyway.  
There was a German Shepherd dog out there and he was whining. Nick opened the door and got the dog inside.  
“Max,” I said, and he walked over to me instantly, I bent down and began petting him, trying to calm him.  
I walked just about every dog in the neighborhood and knew them better than the humans that owned them. There was something on his fur, I looked at my hands, they had been stained red. “Nick…” I said showing him. “He’s covered in blood, but it’s not his.”  
Max went over to the front door and began barking. Nick and I went over to see, in the street, was a man, he just stood there, eerily facing the house. There was something wrong with his face and a moment later he began to stumble towards the house. I backed up and called Max over, trying to keep him quiet.  
“Okay,” Nick said coming back to the living room. “The Tran’s have a gun, a shotgun. I tried to steal it once.”  
“Alicia, stay close don’t stop,” Madison said as she followed Nick out the sliding glass door.  
“Lexi?” Alicia asked.  
“I’ll stay here with Max,” I answered, not wanting to go out there.  
They left, and I went down the hall to the bathroom to wash my hands. I tried calling Mom again, but she still didn’t answer. I tried Harry, his phone went straight to voicemail. Suddenly the power came back on. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm down. I didn’t know what was happening, but I didn’t like it. Max started barking and growling from the living room, he sounded afraid. I stood there, listening. I could hear someone stumbling around and then there was a thud. Max began to whimper.  
I peeked my head out of the bathroom, the power went out again. Quietly and carefully I made it back down the hall. There was someone crouched over Max…eating him…  
I gasped, and tears stung my eyes. Movement caught my eye and I could see Travis just on the other side of the living room.  
“Lexi?”  
That alerted the person and he stood up, the power came back on, in the light I could see the man in more detail, there was blood dripping from his lips, he had this look, like hunger, it was a look I had never seen a human give another human before. He walked slow but with purpose over to Travis, who held up his hands.  
“Hey, you’re sick,” he said trying to reason with the guy.  
The man just kept coming. He didn’t speak, he just tried biting Travis. Liza, his ex-wife and Chris stood behind him. As the man lunged for Travis they screamed and back up. Travis fell backwards, and the man just kept coming. Chris lunged forward, despite his mother’s warning. A moment later she pulled him back. Travis got to his feet and pinned the guy against the wall.  
“Travis!” Liza shouted.  
“Dad!”  
“Get back,” he told them.  
Madison and Nick burst into the house. Madison held the shotgun but didn’t seem to know what to do with it. A man I didn’t know entered the house and took the gun from Madison, he shot the man in the face. Liza screamed, the man slowly turned his head back around, half his face was gone but he was still coming. The man got closer, aimed the gun directly at the guy’s head, squeezed the trigger and the man’s head exploded, brains and blood spewing on the glass door behind him. He fell onto the floor.  
Then the man handed the gun back to Madison. Chris looked like he was going to be sick and made his way to the backyard. We all just stood there, looking at one another, looking at the dead man on the floor, in silence. Then we heard Alicia screaming and ran outside. She was halfway over the fence, Chris was trying to help her. They tumbled to the ground together. Alicia trying to escape Chris’s grasp, she elbowed him in the face and then sprang free. Travis and Liza rushed to his side.  
“I was trying to save you Alicia,” he yelled.  
“Calm down,” Travis said.  
“You calm down!” he yelled pushing his father and then storming off.  
“What’s wrong with Su-su?” Alicia asked.  
We turned and could see Susan Tran on the other side of the fence, breathing weird, moving slow, reaching her arm through the fence towards us.  
“Susan? Oh my God,” Madison said moving over to the fence.  
“She’s sick,” Liza said.  
“Was she bitten?” Travis asked.  
“I can’t tell,” Madison responded.  
I walked over to Nick, who took my hand, instantly.  
“She’s not sick,” Nick said. “She’s dead.”  
Dead? But…  
“No, that’s…that’s not Matt,” Alicia said, referring to her boyfriend who had been sick the last time she saw him. “He’s…he’s not like that. He’s not like that. Mom, Matt’s not like that. That’s not him!”  
Madison hugged Alicia, trying to calm her down.  
“Why would you say that?” Travis asked.  
“Cause it’s the truth,” Nick said.  
Travis didn’t understand, you could see it on his face, he stared at Nick, trying to process, he shook his head, his eyes falling on me for a moment and then he looked back at Susan. Then he went into the house, Liza followed him.  
“You okay?” Nick asked quietly.  
“Max,” I said as my eyebrows came together, and my voice cracked.  
He pulled me into him. “We’ll bury him.”  
I nodded and a moment later we were alone. I walked over to the fence, curiosity taking over me.  
“You believe me now?” Nick asked.  
“I always believe you Nick. But hearing about something is one thing, seeing it in person…is another…how can she be dead? Why is this happening? Why hasn’t it happened until now?”  
“All excellent questions,” he responded.  
“She wants to eat us…” I said.  
“I think so.”  
I shook my head, there were too many questions, and no answers. I turned away from her and dragged Nick back inside. 

The man was Daniel Salazar, he sheltered Travis, Chris, and Liza, while they were in town trying to get here. When they fled, his wife Griselda, ended up getting stuck under something and it crushed her foot. So, the two of them were brought here with their daughter, Ofelia. Now, they were all in the living room with Griselda lying on the couch as Liza worked on her foot. Ofelia sat right next to her as Daniel was peering out a window. Madison and Alicia sat together on a loveseat. Travis and Chris walked into the room, Chris had a tissue up to his nose and Travis gave his son a pat on the shoulders.  
“How’s she doing?” Travis asked looking at Griselda.  
“You got anything I could give her for the pain?” Liza asked.  
“Nothing stronger than aspirin,” Travis replied.  
Liza’s gaze flicked over to Nick and then back to Travis.  
“Um, the phone’s in the kitchen,” Travis said. “If you need to make that call.”  
“I did,” Daniel answered in a soft voice and a Spanish accent. “My cousin is coming to pick us up in the morning.”  
“We’ll set up your mom in one of the bedrooms,” Travis said, speaking to Ofelia. “Okay?”  
“Thank you,” she said.  
“Aren’t we leaving?” Madison asked from where she sat with her arm around a still upset Alicia.  
“Yeah, yeah, we will. In the morning.”  
“No, Travis, we have to go. We’re packed, we’re ready. We were just waiting for you.”  
“Can we just talk about this in the kitchen?”  
“No,” Madison said getting up and walking over to him. “This thing’s getting worse. Not better. It’s not safe.”  
“Madison, I think Travis is…” Liza began but Madison interrupted her.  
“No, it’s not your place.”  
The tension in the room was rising. I didn’t like it, nor did I want to be in there any longer.  
“I don’t wanna stay,” Alicia said. “I don’t…I wanna go.”  
“Look,” Travis said.  
“I wanna go. I don’t wanna stay here,” she insisted.  
“Hold on,” Travis said holding his hands up. “Hold on. It’s dark. We don’t even know if the freeway is passable.”  
“You expect us to wait here?” Madison said getting agitated.  
“We’d be blind out there. It’s dangerous.”  
“And this isn’t?”  
“Inside, doors locked. We ride it out for the night, okay? We’ll take care of each other. Trust me Maddy. We’ll leave in the morning.”  
Madison looked away, thinking, and then back to Travis. She moved in closer and whispered something I didn’t catch and then walked off.  
I pulled Nick aside. “If I’m staying with you guys I need to go get some stuff.”  
“Alright, let’s go.”  
“Shouldn’t we tell…”  
“No,” he said instantly. “We’ll be right back.”  
I nodded, and we left silently, heading up the road to my house. I grabbed my backpack that I had left by the door and then went to my room, grabbing a few bottles of pills.  
“Can I trust you with these?” I asked.  
“You keep them, just give me one when I need it, okay?”  
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. I looked around and grabbed a few other things, stuffing them in my backpack. “Okay let’s get back before we’re missed.”

“I’ll put this in my room,” Nick said taking my backpack as we walked into the house.  
“Thanks,” I said with a smile.  
Then I headed for Alicia’s room and knocked. Daniel opened the door.  
“Sorry to bother you,” I said. “I found these at my house, they’re for pain.” I held the bottle of pills out.  
“Thank you,” he said reluctantly taking the bottle.  
“I’m Lexi. Let me know if she needs anything.”  
He nodded and then I walked off, leaving them alone. 

Liza bunked in with Chris and Alicia laid down next to me in Nick’s bed.  
“You okay?” I whispered.  
“No,” she said and then she rolled over, facing away from me.  
Nick returned from the bathroom and laid down by me and then I snuggled up next to him.  
Alicia fell asleep pretty fast and then we were free to talk.  
“This is new,” I said just above a whisper.  
“Yeah,” he agreed. “We’re usually in your bed.”  
“Well, Madison wouldn’t have approved of our sleepovers.”  
“Which is why they didn’t happen here.”  
“You sure it’s okay if I tag along with you guys tomorrow?”  
“You are family Lexi, Mom isn’t going to leave you behind. Don’t even worry about it.”  
I nodded, feeling sleepy, glad he was here. I didn’t realize how tired I was until that moment and in the next, I drifted off to sleep.

When morning came, I gave Nick a pill, he was being weaned off his usual steady flow of heroin, and then helped the others load up Travis’ truck and Madison’s car with even more stuff. Then I went outside, to the backyard. Travis was digging a hole for the dead neighbor. I grabbed another shovel and began digging.  
“Thanks,” he said.  
“I’ve dug my fair share of graves. They were all for animals of course, but it goes much faster with help. Plus, I want to bury Max too.”  
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know how much you cared about him.”  
“Thanks,” I said as I dug.  
“Maddy says you’re coming with us.”  
“It seems that way.”  
“Well, we’re happy to have you.”

Soon after we were done we loaded up. I sat in the backseat with Nick, Alicia was up front, and Madison was driving. We had just pulled onto the road, following Travis, Liza, and Chris who were in the truck when Madison noticed her next-door neighbor returning home. She wanted to warn him, his wife was still there, and she was…different. So, she turned the car around and we headed back. We all got out and followed Madison, once we made it to the neighbor’s backyard, people began shooting, and then we were being dragged away by people in military clothes. We were told to go back to our houses, a fence was being put up for our protection.  
“Don’t go back to your house,” Nick said as he grabbed my hand. “Stay with us.”  
“Okay,” I said holding his hand and following him.

There were ten people crammed into a four-bedroom one story house. Travis and Madison had a room, Alicia gave her room to Daniel and his family. Chris and his mom shared a room, Nick and I had a room, and Alicia opted to sleep on the couch.  
After the rooms were clearly established and dinner was scrounged up, a solider came to the door and told us, from now on we had a curfew that began at eight pm. If we wondered the streets at night they would remove us from the safe zone. We would receive rations every few days, and the electricity would be turned on every day for four hours.  
Apparently, that was all we needed to know at the moment. The Salazar’s went to their room and shut the door, we didn’t see them again that night. Chris and Liza were next to head to their room, then Travis and Madison, Nick went to his room and I sat in a recliner until Alicia fell asleep. I was by a window, looking between the half-closed blinds. Occasionally you could hear screaming outside, gunshots, other times, but nothing else. It was quiet. This made my mind wander easily, soon I had worked myself into a nervous wreck with all the horrible what if’s zooming around in my head. I was wide awake but still jumped when Nick sat down next to me.  
“Hey, hey,” he said in his calming tone. “It’s just me,” he said as he wrapped his right arm around me. “You done torturing yourself?”  
I smiled, he always knew what was going on in my head.  
“You should get some sleep.”  
“I can’t make my brain turn off,” I said, my voice thick with frustration as tears sprang into my eyes.  
He held out a small white pill.  
“I can’t,” I said closing my eyes and shaking my head.  
“You can, you have to sleep.”  
I took it and he gave me a glass of water.  
“Don’t leave,” I said looking directly into his eyes.  
“Never,” he said, covering us up with a blanket.  
We settled in, I snuggled up next to him. “Just give it a few minutes and your brain will turn off,” he said quietly right by my ear.  
I nodded and sure enough my head was swimming, my eyes closed, and I was finally able to sleep. 

When I opened my eyes, sunlight was streaming through the window. Nick was still asleep next to me, but Alicia was gone. I got up and went to the kitchen. I could hear someone moving around in there.  
Madison was doing her best trying to make breakfast.  
“Morning,” she said when she saw me. “You and Nick looked cozy.”  
“Oh…uh…”  
“I can’t believe there are ten people in this house, you guys left a bed empty, and didn’t offer it to anyone,” she said with a smile.  
“It just…happened.”  
“Yeah, yeah. Listen, I need someone to watch Nick.”  
“Are you asking me?” I asked.  
“Well…yes.”  
“Watch like, babysit? Cause, I’m not okay with that.”  
“No, not babysit. Just make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”  
“Like a babysitter.”  
“I will do it, there are many jobs to do. Cooking, cleaning…I just thought I’d give you a job that wouldn’t be like a job to you. He needs to be watched while he’s coming down and regulated so he doesn’t use too much. No one knows him like you do. I thought you’d be the best one.” She was really trying to sell it like I wasn’t being tasked to babysit my best friend, but I wanted to be useful.  
“Okay, I will regulate him. By the way, you can stop stressing about the pills. I found some at my house and we’re going to scavenge for more.”  
“Really?” she asked as her face lit up.  
“Really. And I gave some to the Salazar’s as well.”  
“Thank you, Lexi,” she said giving me a hug. 

On the way to the bathroom I ran into Alicia.  
“Hey, if you guys want the living room, I will happily take Nick’s,” she said.  
“I’ll keep that in mind.”  
After doing my business I went back to the chair and woke Nick up. He went to the bathroom and then we were outside, heading to my house. I walked along the familiar path from driveway to the front door, but Nick called out to me.  
“Where are you going?” he asked.  
I stopped, looked at him, and then pointed towards the house. “Um, the front door.”  
“No, come on,” he said as he waited by the house.  
I rolled my eyes and walked over and then we continued along the house, around a few corners, and finally my window.  
“Why break the streak now?” he asked popping it open, like he did last night, and climbing through.  
I followed and once we were in my room I handed him a tote bag. “Anything we can use, medicine, food…”  
“I do know how to scavenge,” he said.  
“For drugs…”  
“Actually, I know how to scavenge for things that people will want and then buy and then I can get my own drugs,” he said with a signature smile.  
After gathering what we could, we sat in the living room, playing cards for a while. Pretending it was just a normal day. Eventually we took the stuff back to the house and I gave Nick half a pill.  
“Is that it?” I handed him the other half. “Um…”  
“Weaning Nick.”  
“I have done this before you know.”  
“I know. We have to think long term.”  
“How many do we have?”  
We dumped all the bottles and counted.  
“There are enough here to start with one and a half tomorrow,” he said once we had put them all in one bottle.  
I thought about it. “Okay, tomorrow.”  
He smiled as I handed him another half. While he was crushing them up I hid the bottle away and then slipped on my bathing suit.  
I waited for him and together we went out to the backyard and jumped into his pool.  
When curfew kicked in, it was incredibly too early, both of us being night owls and all.  
But we just sat in the living room, everyone in for the night and Alicia had given up couch life for Nick’s room. We talked, like old times.  
“Let’s do some meditation,” I said. “Just breath deep and let it all go,” I said falling instantly into a well-worn routine.  
I could hear Nick’s breathing, deep as instructed.  
“Let’s let go of all the bullshit. Breath in, now, allowing the universe to flow through you, breathe out, all the bullshit of the day. Just filter yourself out. We breathe in and cleanse our minds, breathe out, allowing space, tomorrow is a whole new day. Tomorrow we will be awesome. Breath in now and recognize where we are now. You and I, here now, together. In the present moment. Breath out.”  
I breathed out slowly and then opened my eyes.  
“Thanks, I always feel better when we do that,” he said. “Now we’re playing Poker, and you’re going down.”  
I laughed. “Yeah right.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Nine days ago, the fence went up and the military moved in, claimed the fence was there for our ‘protection’. They claimed there was nothing and no one outside the fence but we weren’t allowed to leave, I didn’t like it, we should be free to decide if we wanted to go or stay on our own. They gave us a small box of food every few days and questions weren’t permitted. The phones have gone silent, they don’t have service even when the power is turned on.  
When Nick and I needed some time away from everyone in the house we would walk up the road to my house.  
“We should take all the chocolate,” I say when we walk into the house.  
“You think there’s anything left?”  
“Yes,” I said. “There’s probably one more load of food left.”  
We gathered up some stuff and then went to my room. I did a final check of all my hiding places and found one more bottle of pills. I smiled and turned to Nick. “This is it. Go easy okay?”  
He nodded as he took one and a half out and then found something to crush them with, he caught me watching. “You want some?”  
“No,” I said quickly. “I can’t…it’s too easy for me to slip back into that.”  
He nodded. “I’m sorry…”  
I held up my hand. “It’s okay.”  
He breathed in the powder.  
I looked around my room, I hadn’t heard anything from Mom or Harry. My mind began to wander.  
“Hey,” he said walking over. He hugged me from behind. “Hey,” he repeated in his soothing voice bringing me out of my head.  
I turned around in his arms. “Nick…I…”  
“We are survivors, you and me.”  
“Surviving is exhausting,” I said.  
“But we can do it.”  
I hugged him, pulled him close against me. He held on for several minutes.  
“We’ve got this.”  
I nodded and then we were heading back, after putting the stuff away, he gave me one of those looks. “I’m getting in the pool,” he said.  
“Okay, have fun.”  
I cleaned up as best I could, to help out. I knew Madison was stressed and then I went outside.  
“Hey Lexi, come up here,” Chris said from the roof.  
I nodded and climbed up. “What’s up?”  
“Look, out there, you see that house, about eleven o’clock?” he asked pointing.  
“Yeah, what about it?”  
“Just watch.”  
I sat there, looking at the house and suddenly there was a flash of something metallic and it blinked, several times before stopping, and then it would pick up again.  
“Someone is out there,” I said.  
“Right? But they told us no one was,” he said. “The people who put up the fence, who told us no one was alive out there…”  
“They’re lying,” I said as a chill ran through me. But why would they do that?  
“What if they need help?” he asked.  
“No, we can’t go out there. The dead are there.”  
“But we might be the only ones who see their signal.” I looked back at the house. “What if you were trapped?” he asked.  
“Okay,” I said. “I get it. But we are not equipped to do anything. So, let’s tell your dad.”  
He nodded but he seemed agitated.  
I was there when he told Travis and he completely dismissed it. Chris looked at me.  
“I saw it too Travis, it really looks like someone is doing it.”  
“So, what do you want me to do?”  
“There could be people who are trapped and need help.”  
“The soldiers said there was nothing out there.”  
“And they never lie,” I said sarcastically.  
He sighed. “Fine, I’ll see what I can do.”  
I turned back to Chris. “For now, that’s the best we can do.”  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~“We’re here,” Mom said.  
“How was the drive?” I asked as I balanced the phone between my face and shoulder.  
“Good, not too much traffic. How are things there?”  
“Quiet.”  
“Got any plans?”  
“Oh yeah, I’m throwing a rager later.”  
She laughed. “Okay, well make sure to clean up before we get back. Harry is coming in now,” she said indicating that she wanted to get off the phone. “We’ll only be in San Diego until the weekend.”  
“Yeah, I know. Have fun.”  
“Bye,” she said.  
“Bye,” I repeated and then hung up.

I looked around, an empty house and nothing to do…I went to my bathroom and turned on the faucet. My favorite thing to do when home alone was to take long uninterrupted bubble baths. I lit some candles, turned on some Classical music, added the bubbles, put on a face mask, grabbed a drink, the house phone, and my cell phone. Once in the tub I sunk into the water, quickly drifting off to sleep.  
My cell phone beeping woke me up. After wiping my hands on a towel, I picked up the phone. There was a text from my brother. I opened an attachment and watched a quick video of what appeared to be a person who was dead, get up, and then shot several times by a cop on scene. But the guy kept coming. I shook my head and responded ‘you have too much time on your hands’.  
He sent back ‘you don’t think it’s real?’  
‘No.’  
I put the phone down and then let out my nearly cold water and then finished with a short shower.  
As soon as I stepped out and wrapped up in a towel, my phone beeped at me again. Another text from my brother. This video happened right here in LA, it was like the last, someone who appeared to be dead, got up, but they were…not right, they didn’t listen and were shot, several times before a shot to the head put them down. Chills ran through me.  
‘There are several videos, Lexi. Are you okay?’  
‘Yeah, I’m fine. As far as I can tell, everything is normal here.’  
‘Is mom there?’  
‘No, she and Harry went to San Diego for the week.’  
Suddenly there was an emergency broadcast that rang out on the radio. Something was going on.  
I quickly pulled on some clothes and then called Mom.  
“Things are strange here too,” Mom confirmed. “We’re coming home. Pack a bag and be ready when we get there. We’re going back east.”  
“…okay…” I said.  
“We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

I grabbed my go-bag, already packed and ready to go. I added a few extra things and waited for them to get home. As the evening dragged on though, they didn’t arrive, and eventually I couldn’t get anyone on the phone. The power went out, things were too weird, and I didn’t want to wait by myself. So, I left a note, in case they arrived and walked down the street to the Clark’s. The neighborhood was eerie, I could hear screaming in the distance. I picked up the pace.  
Right after my second knock the door opened, Nick Clark stood on the other side.  
“You look like shit,” I said with a smile.  
He smiled back at me. “You wanna come in?”  
I nodded, and he moved aside so I could.  
“Travis?” Madison asked walking into the room.  
“No, it’s just me.”  
“Hey Lexi,” she said sounding a little tired.  
“Mom and Harry are out of town, they said they were coming home today but now I can’t get anyone on the phone. Is it okay if I hang out here?”  
“Sure,” she said.  
“Thanks.”  
Madison left the room and then I joined Nick on the couch, their power was out too but they had candles and flashlights.  
“What happened to you?” I asked.  
He took in a breath and let it out slowly. “I, really don’t know how to explain it.”  
“When did you get back?” I asked.  
He had pulled one of his famous disappearing acts a few weeks ago, no one had heard from him.  
“Today. Where are your parents?”  
“San Diego, why?”  
“Just making conversation.”  
I had always liked Nick, he was lost, like me, kind of a black sheep, misunderstood. We were just about the same height, he was six feet tall and I am two inches taller, his hair was straight, deep brown, and down to his chin, though he usually kept it sliced back. I have a mohawk, the sides are newly naked as I had just finished my last laser hair removal treatment earlier in the week. Which should last about a year, fingers crossed. The strip down the middle was about four inches long and I had just dyed it blue and purple. My eyebrows were electric blue as well, an accident that I ended up liking and so I had repeated on purpose this time.  
His eyes were deep brown, like milk chocolate, I loved staring deeply into them, sometimes finding the caramel flecks around the pupal. He often had a devilish smile playing behind those eyes and a slight tug on the left side of his mouth, or that was just the look he gave me. My eyes are deep green. I have a small silver hoop hanging between my nostrils and tattoos just about everywhere.  
He’s a good friend, I mean, he has his demons, but he’s always been there when I needed him.  
“I like your hair,” he said. “And your eyebrows.”  
“Thanks,” I replied with a smile. “I wanted to put green in there too, but I can’t find the right shade.”  
“Hey Lexi,” Alicia, his younger sister said, as she walked into the room and flopped down next to me.  
Alicia is seventeen, Nick is nineteen, and I’m twenty-two. Alicia’s about five feet five inches tall with long wavy brown hair that has natural blonde highlights. Her eyes are greenish blue, she has a small nose and lips that pout perfectly. She’s also a good friend and these days I see her more often than Nick.  
“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked.  
“It’s…strange,” Alicia said.  
“Agreed. Where is Travis?”  
“He went to get Chris.”  
“Why? What’s happening?”  
“I don’t know,” said Alicia standing up. “But I’m tired of waiting around here.” She walked out of the room.  
I turned to Nick. “Tell me what you know.”  
So, he did, everything from waking up in the abandoned church where he usually did his drugs, finding his girlfriend, dead but…not, getting hit by a car, being in the hospital, escaping from the hospital, his friend, Calvin trying to kill him, he accidently killing Calvin and then he not being dead, but still kind of being dead.  
“Okay, okay, hang on. So, people are…what rising from the dead?” I whispered, we were sitting Indian style, facing each other on the couch, talking in hushed voices.  
“He was dead Lexi, and then he was…walking around. But he was different. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know I’m not crazy.”  
“Hang on,” I said pulling out my phone. “My brother sent me these, are they real?”  
He watched the short videos. “I think so.”  
“This is real…” I couldn’t believe it, what did this mean. “So, what’s happening is…really bad. Should I be worried that I can’t get anyone on the phone?”  
“It might be too early to tell.”  
“Nick…what happens if…Mom and Harry don’t make it home?”  
“You can stay with us,” he said taking my hands and giving them a squeeze. “It will okay Lexi.”  
I nodded but I felt my anxiety beginning to rise.  
“Come here,” he said holding his arms out.  
I turned around and then leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around me. “I’ve got you.”  
“I’m glad your back…and I’m sorry about Gloria.”  
He sighed. “It wasn’t going to last forever. I’ve missed you.”  
I smiled. “Me too.”  
Suddenly Madison walked into the room, she held up Monopoly. “Come on,” she said.  
We gathered around the coffee table.  
I think Madison is very beautiful, she’s five feet eight inches tall with shoulder length blonde hair and light blue eyes. She’s the toughest person I know, I’ve always found her easy to talk to, probably because she’s a high school guidance counselor.  
“I get the car,” Alicia declared.  
“Top hat,” said Madison.  
“Dog,” I said.  
Nick gave me one of those looks as he handed out the pieces. We got the game set up and Madison was banker. We played for a while and it was a nice distraction, even though in my true fashion I had spent most of the game in jail.  
Suddenly gunshots rang out and we got really quiet.  
“How long are we going to wait?” Alicia asked, breaking the silence a minute or two later.  
Madison rolled the dice. “We can go to sleep soon.”  
“Yeah, I can’t sleep when I’m waiting for someone to come home.”  
I checked my phone again, nothing. Madison put her hand on my arm, I looked at her.  
“You can stay with us, okay?” I nodded.  
“Lexi, your turn,” Alicia said handing me the dice.  
I rolled and then moved my token around the board, landing on Community Chest, I drew a card which then sent me to jail, of course. I moved my token across the board and then handed the dice to Nick.  
The lights came back on while we were playing, my phone buzzed, and I snatched it up.  
“Good news?” Madison asked.  
“It’s just my brother,” I said reading the text. “He’s with his wife and her family, they’re locking the gates. He hopes to see me and the others soon.”  
I sent a response ‘I haven’t heard from Mom or Harry since this morning.’  
‘Do you have somewhere you can go?’  
‘I’m with the Clark’s now, they said I can stay with them if I need to.’  
‘This is looking bad Lexi…’  
‘Just keep the gates shut and locked. You guys have enough supplies to ride out anything.’  
‘Yeah, okay. Be safe.’  
‘Will do, you too.’  
He sent a picture of them all, happy faces, lights on, it looked like a normal day for them.  
The game ended not long after that, we abandoned the coffee table, and Alicia sat at the small table in the kitchen, eating an apple. Madison was trying to get dinner together, Nick was wondering around. I tried calling Mom again. I got her voicemail and left a message, telling her I was safe and not worry. But I hoped they would arrive soon.  
“So, what do we do if he doesn’t come back?” Nick asked. “It’s been like, six hours. How bad could traffic be?”  
“Alicia- “Madison began but stopped as the power cut out. “Alicia will you go put the game away?”  
“I don’t really wanna…”  
“You know the rules,” Madison interrupted. “The loser puts the game away.” She turned on a flashlight and shined it on Alicia until she stood up.  
“Alright, I’m going,” she said walking out of the room.  
“You know what’s out there,” Nick said quietly. “We can’t stay here.” Madison looked over at me.  
“I already told her, everything,” he said reaching his hand out.  
I walked over and took it, I always felt better when I was touching him. He had this amazing calming presence, even in the face of danger and uncertainty.  
“I’m not trying to be an asshole,” he said.  
“Good,” she said with a smile.  
“He went to get his ex-wife…”  
“He went to get his son,” Madison said turning back to the counter.  
“Yeah, his family. I’m just saying…”  
“We’re his family,” Madison said. “He’ll come home.”  
“Maybe he went home,” Nick said after a moment.  
Madison turned back around. “You know that thing you were saying about not being an asshole…?”  
“Hey, I’m sorry. I just don’t…”  
“It’s happening again,” Alicia said cutting Nick off as she walked into the kitchen.  
Madison grabbed her flashlight and followed Alicia to the window. They looked outside.  
“I don’t see anything,” Madison said.  
“We need to get away from the windows,” Nick said dropping my hand and walking over to where they were and then he shut the blinds.  
He took Madison off to the side.  
“Mom we need to tell Alicia what’s going on,” he said quietly.  
“Maybe we don’t have to. Let’s just wait for Travis to get home. Alicia come on down here.”  
We went back to the living room. Then there was a thump at the sliding glass door. Nick went over to check it out.  
“Nick, no,” said Madison.  
He held up his hand, listening. He went to pull the curtain back.  
“Don’t open it!” Alicia whispered frantically, but he pulled it back anyway.  
There was a German Shepherd dog out there and he was whining. Nick opened the door and got the dog inside.  
“Max,” I said, and he walked over to me instantly, I bent down and began petting him, trying to calm him.  
I walked just about every dog in the neighborhood and knew them better than the humans that owned them. There was something on his fur, I looked at my hands, they had been stained red. “Nick…” I said showing him. “He’s covered in blood, but it’s not his.”  
Max went over to the front door and began barking. Nick and I went over to see, in the street, was a man, he just stood there, eerily facing the house. There was something wrong with his face and a moment later he began to stumble towards the house. I backed up and called Max over, trying to keep him quiet.  
“Okay,” Nick said coming back to the living room. “The Tran’s have a gun, a shotgun. I tried to steal it once.”  
“Alicia, stay close don’t stop,” Madison said as she followed Nick out the sliding glass door.  
“Lexi?” Alicia asked.  
“I’ll stay here with Max,” I answered, not wanting to go out there.  
They left, and I went down the hall to the bathroom to wash my hands. I tried calling Mom again, but she still didn’t answer. I tried Harry, his phone went straight to voicemail. Suddenly the power came back on. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm down. I didn’t know what was happening, but I didn’t like it. Max started barking and growling from the living room, he sounded afraid. I stood there, listening. I could hear someone stumbling around and then there was a thud. Max began to whimper.  
I peeked my head out of the bathroom, the power went out again. Quietly and carefully I made it back down the hall. There was someone crouched over Max…eating him…  
I gasped, and tears stung my eyes. Movement caught my eye and I could see Travis just on the other side of the living room.  
“Lexi?”  
That alerted the person and he stood up, the power came back on, in the light I could see the man in more detail, there was blood dripping from his lips, he had this look, like hunger, it was a look I had never seen a human give another human before. He walked slow but with purpose over to Travis, who held up his hands.  
“Hey, you’re sick,” he said trying to reason with the guy.  
The man just kept coming. He didn’t speak, he just tried biting Travis. Liza, his ex-wife and Chris stood behind him. As the man lunged for Travis they screamed and back up. Travis fell backwards, and the man just kept coming. Chris lunged forward, despite his mother’s warning. A moment later she pulled him back. Travis got to his feet and pinned the guy against the wall.  
“Travis!” Liza shouted.  
“Dad!”  
“Get back,” he told them.  
Madison and Nick burst into the house. Madison held the shotgun but didn’t seem to know what to do with it. A man I didn’t know entered the house and took the gun from Madison, he shot the man in the face. Liza screamed, the man slowly turned his head back around, half his face was gone but he was still coming. The man got closer, aimed the gun directly at the guy’s head, squeezed the trigger and the man’s head exploded, brains and blood spewing on the glass door behind him. He fell onto the floor.  
Then the man handed the gun back to Madison. Chris looked like he was going to be sick and made his way to the backyard. We all just stood there, looking at one another, looking at the dead man on the floor, in silence. Then we heard Alicia screaming and ran outside. She was halfway over the fence, Chris was trying to help her. They tumbled to the ground together. Alicia trying to escape Chris’s grasp, she elbowed him in the face and then sprang free. Travis and Liza rushed to his side.  
“I was trying to save you Alicia,” he yelled.  
“Calm down,” Travis said.  
“You calm down!” he yelled pushing his father and then storming off.  
“What’s wrong with Su-su?” Alicia asked.  
We turned and could see Susan Tran on the other side of the fence, breathing weird, moving slow, reaching her arm through the fence towards us.  
“Susan? Oh my God,” Madison said moving over to the fence.  
“She’s sick,” Liza said.  
“Was she bitten?” Travis asked.  
“I can’t tell,” Madison responded.  
I walked over to Nick, who took my hand, instantly.  
“She’s not sick,” Nick said. “She’s dead.”  
Dead? But…  
“No, that’s…that’s not Matt,” Alicia said, referring to her boyfriend who had been sick the last time she saw him. “He’s…he’s not like that. He’s not like that. Mom, Matt’s not like that. That’s not him!”  
Madison hugged Alicia, trying to calm her down.  
“Why would you say that?” Travis asked.  
“Cause it’s the truth,” Nick said.  
Travis didn’t understand, you could see it on his face, he stared at Nick, trying to process, he shook his head, his eyes falling on me for a moment and then he looked back at Susan. Then he went into the house, Liza followed him.  
“You okay?” Nick asked quietly.  
“Max,” I said as my eyebrows came together, and my voice cracked.  
He pulled me into him. “We’ll bury him.”  
I nodded and a moment later we were alone. I walked over to the fence, curiosity taking over me.  
“You believe me now?” Nick asked.  
“I always believe you Nick. But hearing about something is one thing, seeing it in person…is another…how can she be dead? Why is this happening? Why hasn’t it happened until now?”  
“All excellent questions,” he responded.  
“She wants to eat us…” I said.  
“I think so.”  
I shook my head, there were too many questions, and no answers. I turned away from her and dragged Nick back inside. 

The man was Daniel Salazar, he sheltered Travis, Chris, and Liza, while they were in town trying to get here. When they fled, his wife Griselda, ended up getting stuck under something and it crushed her foot. So, the two of them were brought here with their daughter, Ofelia. Now, they were all in the living room with Griselda lying on the couch as Liza worked on her foot. Ofelia sat right next to her as Daniel was peering out a window. Madison and Alicia sat together on a loveseat. Travis and Chris walked into the room, Chris had a tissue up to his nose and Travis gave his son a pat on the shoulders.  
“How’s she doing?” Travis asked looking at Griselda.  
“You got anything I could give her for the pain?” Liza asked.  
“Nothing stronger than aspirin,” Travis replied.  
Liza’s gaze flicked over to Nick and then back to Travis.  
“Um, the phone’s in the kitchen,” Travis said. “If you need to make that call.”  
“I did,” Daniel answered in a soft voice and a Spanish accent. “My cousin is coming to pick us up in the morning.”  
“We’ll set up your mom in one of the bedrooms,” Travis said, speaking to Ofelia. “Okay?”  
“Thank you,” she said.  
“Aren’t we leaving?” Madison asked from where she sat with her arm around a still upset Alicia.  
“Yeah, yeah, we will. In the morning.”  
“No, Travis, we have to go. We’re packed, we’re ready. We were just waiting for you.”  
“Can we just talk about this in the kitchen?”  
“No,” Madison said getting up and walking over to him. “This thing’s getting worse. Not better. It’s not safe.”  
“Madison, I think Travis is…” Liza began but Madison interrupted her.  
“No, it’s not your place.”  
The tension in the room was rising. I didn’t like it, nor did I want to be in there any longer.  
“I don’t wanna stay,” Alicia said. “I don’t…I wanna go.”  
“Look,” Travis said.  
“I wanna go. I don’t wanna stay here,” she insisted.  
“Hold on,” Travis said holding his hands up. “Hold on. It’s dark. We don’t even know if the freeway is passable.”  
“You expect us to wait here?” Madison said getting agitated.  
“We’d be blind out there. It’s dangerous.”  
“And this isn’t?”  
“Inside, doors locked. We ride it out for the night, okay? We’ll take care of each other. Trust me Maddy. We’ll leave in the morning.”  
Madison looked away, thinking, and then back to Travis. She moved in closer and whispered something I didn’t catch and then walked off.  
I pulled Nick aside. “If I’m staying with you guys I need to go get some stuff.”  
“Alright, let’s go.”  
“Shouldn’t we tell…”  
“No,” he said instantly. “We’ll be right back.”  
I nodded, and we left silently, heading up the road to my house. I grabbed my backpack that I had left by the door and then went to my room, grabbing a few bottles of pills.  
“Can I trust you with these?” I asked.  
“You keep them, just give me one when I need it, okay?”  
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. I looked around and grabbed a few other things, stuffing them in my backpack. “Okay let’s get back before we’re missed.”

“I’ll put this in my room,” Nick said taking my backpack as we walked into the house.  
“Thanks,” I said with a smile.  
Then I headed for Alicia’s room and knocked. Daniel opened the door.  
“Sorry to bother you,” I said. “I found these at my house, they’re for pain.” I held the bottle of pills out.  
“Thank you,” he said reluctantly taking the bottle.  
“I’m Lexi. Let me know if she needs anything.”  
He nodded and then I walked off, leaving them alone. 

Liza bunked in with Chris and Alicia laid down next to me in Nick’s bed.  
“You okay?” I whispered.  
“No,” she said and then she rolled over, facing away from me.  
Nick returned from the bathroom and laid down by me and then I snuggled up next to him.  
Alicia fell asleep pretty fast and then we were free to talk.  
“This is new,” I said just above a whisper.  
“Yeah,” he agreed. “We’re usually in your bed.”  
“Well, Madison wouldn’t have approved of our sleepovers.”  
“Which is why they didn’t happen here.”  
“You sure it’s okay if I tag along with you guys tomorrow?”  
“You are family Lexi, Mom isn’t going to leave you behind. Don’t even worry about it.”  
I nodded, feeling sleepy, glad he was here. I didn’t realize how tired I was until that moment and in the next, I drifted off to sleep.

When morning came, I gave Nick a pill, he was being weaned off his usual steady flow of heroin, and then helped the others load up Travis’ truck and Madison’s car with even more stuff. Then I went outside, to the backyard. Travis was digging a hole for the dead neighbor. I grabbed another shovel and began digging.  
“Thanks,” he said.  
“I’ve dug my fair share of graves. They were all for animals of course, but it goes much faster with help. Plus, I want to bury Max too.”  
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know how much you cared about him.”  
“Thanks,” I said as I dug.  
“Maddy says you’re coming with us.”  
“It seems that way.”  
“Well, we’re happy to have you.”

Soon after we were done we loaded up. I sat in the backseat with Nick, Alicia was up front, and Madison was driving. We had just pulled onto the road, following Travis, Liza, and Chris who were in the truck when Madison noticed her next-door neighbor returning home. She wanted to warn him, his wife was still there, and she was…different. So, she turned the car around and we headed back. We all got out and followed Madison, once we made it to the neighbor’s backyard, people began shooting, and then we were being dragged away by people in military clothes. We were told to go back to our houses, a fence was being put up for our protection.  
“Don’t go back to your house,” Nick said as he grabbed my hand. “Stay with us.”  
“Okay,” I said holding his hand and following him.

There were ten people crammed into a four-bedroom one story house. Travis and Madison had a room, Alicia gave her room to Daniel and his family. Chris and his mom shared a room, Nick and I had a room, and Alicia opted to sleep on the couch.  
After the rooms were clearly established and dinner was scrounged up, a solider came to the door and told us, from now on we had a curfew that began at eight pm. If we wondered the streets at night they would remove us from the safe zone. We would receive rations every few days, and the electricity would be turned on every day for four hours.  
Apparently, that was all we needed to know at the moment. The Salazar’s went to their room and shut the door, we didn’t see them again that night. Chris and Liza were next to head to their room, then Travis and Madison, Nick went to his room and I sat in a recliner until Alicia fell asleep. I was by a window, looking between the half-closed blinds. Occasionally you could hear screaming outside, gunshots, other times, but nothing else. It was quiet. This made my mind wander easily, soon I had worked myself into a nervous wreck with all the horrible what if’s zooming around in my head. I was wide awake but still jumped when Nick sat down next to me.  
“Hey, hey,” he said in his calming tone. “It’s just me,” he said as he wrapped his right arm around me. “You done torturing yourself?”  
I smiled, he always knew what was going on in my head.  
“You should get some sleep.”  
“I can’t make my brain turn off,” I said, my voice thick with frustration as tears sprang into my eyes.  
He held out a small white pill.  
“I can’t,” I said closing my eyes and shaking my head.  
“You can, you have to sleep.”  
I took it and he gave me a glass of water.  
“Don’t leave,” I said looking directly into his eyes.  
“Never,” he said, covering us up with a blanket.  
We settled in, I snuggled up next to him. “Just give it a few minutes and your brain will turn off,” he said quietly right by my ear.  
I nodded and sure enough my head was swimming, my eyes closed, and I was finally able to sleep. 

When I opened my eyes, sunlight was streaming through the window. Nick was still asleep next to me, but Alicia was gone. I got up and went to the kitchen. I could hear someone moving around in there.  
Madison was doing her best trying to make breakfast.  
“Morning,” she said when she saw me. “You and Nick looked cozy.”  
“Oh…uh…”  
“I can’t believe there are ten people in this house, you guys left a bed empty, and didn’t offer it to anyone,” she said with a smile.  
“It just…happened.”  
“Yeah, yeah. Listen, I need someone to watch Nick.”  
“Are you asking me?” I asked.  
“Well…yes.”  
“Watch like, babysit? Cause, I’m not okay with that.”  
“No, not babysit. Just make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”  
“Like a babysitter.”  
“I will do it, there are many jobs to do. Cooking, cleaning…I just thought I’d give you a job that wouldn’t be like a job to you. He needs to be watched while he’s coming down and regulated so he doesn’t use too much. No one knows him like you do. I thought you’d be the best one.” She was really trying to sell it like I wasn’t being tasked to babysit my best friend, but I wanted to be useful.  
“Okay, I will regulate him. By the way, you can stop stressing about the pills. I found some at my house and we’re going to scavenge for more.”  
“Really?” she asked as her face lit up.  
“Really. And I gave some to the Salazar’s as well.”  
“Thank you, Lexi,” she said giving me a hug. 

On the way to the bathroom I ran into Alicia.  
“Hey, if you guys want the living room, I will happily take Nick’s,” she said.  
“I’ll keep that in mind.”  
After doing my business I went back to the chair and woke Nick up. He went to the bathroom and then we were outside, heading to my house. I walked along the familiar path from driveway to the front door, but Nick called out to me.  
“Where are you going?” he asked.  
I stopped, looked at him, and then pointed towards the house. “Um, the front door.”  
“No, come on,” he said as he waited by the house.  
I rolled my eyes and walked over and then we continued along the house, around a few corners, and finally my window.  
“Why break the streak now?” he asked popping it open, like he did last night, and climbing through.  
I followed and once in my room handed him a tote bag. “Anything we can use, medicine, food…”  
“I do know how to scavenge,” he said.  
“For drugs…”  
“Actually, I know how to scavenge for things that people will want and then buy and then I can get my own drugs,” he said with a signature smile.  
After gathering what we could, we sat in the living room, playing cards for a while. Pretending it was just a normal day. Eventually we took the stuff back to the house and I gave Nick half a pill.  
“Is that it?” I handed him the other half. “Um…”  
“Weaning Nick.”  
“I have done this before you know.”  
“I know. We have to think long term.”  
“How many do we have?”  
We dumped all the bottles and counted.  
“There are enough here to start with one and a half tomorrow,” he said once we had put them all in one bottle.  
I thought about it. “Okay, tomorrow.”  
He smiled as I handed him another half. While he was crushing them up I hid the bottle away and then slipped on my bathing suit.  
I waited for him and together we went out to the backyard and jumped into the pool.  
When curfew kicked in, it was incredibly too early, both of us being night owls and all.  
But we just sat in the living room, everyone in for the night and Alicia had given up couch life for Nick’s room. We talked, like old times.  
“Let’s do some meditation,” I said. “Just breath deep and let it all go,” I said falling instantly into a well-worn routine.  
I could hear Nick’s breathing, deep as instructed.  
“Let’s let go of all the bullshit. Breath in, now, allowing the universe to flow through you, breathe out, all the bullshit of the day. Just filter yourself out. We breathe in and cleanse our minds, breathe out, allowing space, tomorrow is a whole new day. Tomorrow we will be awesome. Breath in now and recognize where we are now. You and I, here now, together. In the present moment. Breath out.”  
I breathed out slowly and then opened my eyes.  
“Thanks, I always feel better when we do that,” he said. “Now we’re playing Poker, and you’re going down.”  
I laughed. “Yeah right.”  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Nine days ago, the fence went up and the military moved in, claimed the fence was there for our ‘protection’. They claimed there was nothing and no one outside the fence but we weren’t allowed to leave, I didn’t like it, we should be free to decide if we wanted to go or stay on our own. They gave us a small box of food every few days and questions weren’t permitted. The phones have gone silent, they don’t have service even when the power is turned on.  
When Nick and I needed some time away from everyone in the house we would walk up the road to my house.  
“We should take all the chocolate,” I say when we walk into the house.  
“You think there’s anything left?”  
“Yes,” I said. “There’s probably one more load of food left.”  
We gathered up some stuff and then went to my room. I did a final check of all my hiding places and found one more bottle of pills. I smiled and turned to Nick. “This is it. Go easy okay?”  
He nodded as he took one and a half out and then found something to crush them with, he caught me watching. “You want some?”  
“No,” I said quickly. “I can’t…it’s too easy for me to slip back into that.”  
He nodded. “I’m sorry…”  
I held up my hand. “It’s okay.”  
He breathed in the powder.  
I looked around my room, I hadn’t heard anything from Mom or Harry. My mind began to wander.  
“Hey,” he said walking over. He hugged me from behind. “Hey,” he repeated in his soothing voice bringing me out of my head.  
I turned around in his arms. “Nick…I…”  
“We are survivors, you and me.”  
“Surviving is exhausting,” I said.  
“But we can do it.”  
I hugged him, pulled him close against me. He held on for several minutes.  
“We’ve got this.”  
I nodded and then we were heading back, after putting the stuff away, he gave me one of those looks. “I’m getting in the pool,” he said.  
“Okay, have fun.”  
I cleaned up as best I could, to help out. I knew Madison was stressed and then I went outside.  
“Hey Lexi, come up here,” Chris said from the roof.  
I nodded and climbed up. “What’s up?”  
“Look, out there, you see that house, about eleven o’clock?” he asked pointing.  
“Yeah, what about it?”  
“Just watch.”  
I sat there, looking at the house and suddenly there was a flash of something metallic and it blinked, several times before stopping, and then it would pick up again.  
“Someone is out there,” I said.  
“Right? But they told us no one was,” he said. “The people who put up the fence, who told us no one was alive out there…”  
“They’re lying,” I said as a chill ran through me. But why would they do that?  
“What if they need help?” he asked.  
“No, we can’t go out there. The dead are there.”  
“But we might be the only ones who see their signal.” I looked back at the house. “What if you were trapped?” he asked.  
“Okay,” I said. “I get it. But we are not equipped to do anything. So, let’s tell your dad.”  
He nodded but he seemed agitated.  
I was there when he told Travis and he completely dismissed it. Chris looked at me.  
“I saw it too Travis, it really looks like someone is doing it.”  
“So, what do you want me to do?”  
“There could be people who are trapped and need help.”  
“The soldiers said there was nothing out there.”  
“And they never lie,” I said sarcastically.  
He sighed. “Fine, I’ll see what I can do.”  
I turned back to Chris. “For now, that’s the best we can do.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chris and Alicia went to raid the other houses or at least that’s what they claimed. I went back to my house, it was familiar, easy to pretend everything was going to be okay. I don’t know how long I was there alone.  
“Hello?” Nick called.  
“In here.”  
I smiled from the floor and held up the bottle I had been drinking from.  
“Alcohol isn’t banned from your list?” he asked as he crossed the room and sat in front of me.  
I handed him the vodka. “Usually, but welcome to zee end of zee world. If we don’t drink this, it’s just going to go to waste and I can’t live in a world in which I didn’t at least try to drink all vodka.”  
“Well okay,” he said taking a swig. 

We drank and drank, as I got tipsy, I got boulder, or maybe it was this new mentality of living in an apocalyptic world. Who knew if there was a tomorrow. Nick sat on the couch and I walked up to him. He gave me that look and I just melted. I sat on his lap, facing him.  
“Hey there,” he said. I leaned in and kissed him. He laughed. “What took you so long?”  
He pulled me into him and kissed me deeply.  
I lifted his shirt and he paused a moment to let me pull it over his head. I kissed down his neck and across his chest.  
We sat there in our underwear, exploring each other further when the door opened.  
“Ooh hoo! Look what’s going on in here!” shouted a soldier.  
Nick jumped up and handed me my clothes. I quickly pulled them on as he put his pants on and glared at the guy.  
“This house is supposed to be empty,” the man said eyeing me.  
“Alright we’re going,” Nick said pulling me along. He put me on his right side, so I wouldn’t have to walk by the soldier. I squeezed his hand, grateful.  
“One day,” he said. “We’re going to have to finish that.”  
“Hell yeah,” I said with a grin.

~Before~  
I sat on my bed playing video games. It was late, or early depending on your view of two a.m. There was a light knocking at my window. I paused the game and then went over and opened it.  
“Hey Lexi,” Nick said a bit slow.  
“Come on,” I said helping him through.  
“Can I hang out here?”  
“Sure,” I said with a shrug.  
He walked over and flopped down on my bed.  
“Are things bad at home?” I asked.  
He sighed. “Things are…whatever. How are things here?” He asked eyeing the bottle of pills I had so carelessly left out on my bedside table.  
“It’s just stressful. Nothing I can’t handle.”  
“Yeah, how are you on those…you need more?”  
“I’m fine for now, I’ll let you know.”  
I got back to my game. My character picked up a gun as they ran and began shooting the infected.  
“My Mom has started…dating.”  
“Really? How’s that going?”  
“Awkward. His name is Travis, he’s a teacher.”  
“So, they met at work?”  
“Yeah. He was married before and has a kid, Chris, he’s younger than Alicia I think.”  
“Have you met him?”  
“Not yet, but I think a meeting is in the works.”  
I sighed and shut off my game, put the pills away, turned off the light, and then I crawled into bed.  
“No one could ever replace your dad,” I said. “You know that, Madison knows that too. And if she’s ready to find someone, shouldn’t she be allowed to?”  
He sighed and covered himself up with my blankets. “It’s annoying when you make so much sense.”  
I smiled. “Besides, if it sucks, you can just climb through my window, like always.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
~Now~  
Nick and I went separate ways when we made it back to the house. I roped Chris and Alicia into a board game, Alicia was the first one out and then Chris and I played to the death. He defeated me and then strode off, a victory march, leaving me to put the game away. Afterwards I was wandering the house, it was dark, I hadn’t seen Nick in a while. Alicia grabbed my arm and pulled me over to her.  
“Do you know who did that to Nick’s face?” she asked quietly.  
“Did what?” I asked unsure of what she meant.  
“He’s upset, you should talk to him.”  
“Okay,” I replied.  
Suddenly military came into the house, they had a lady with them, Dr. Exner, I believe she said that was her name. She had come by earlier, giving us all a check-up. Now she was here to get Griselda and take her to a facility that could take care of her. While she was being moved to the stretcher I found Nick. There was a faint bruise on his cheek that I could make out in the candlelight. My eyebrows came together and when our eyes met he shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it.  
Daniel tried to follow them out, he was going with his wife. But a solider stopped him.  
“Sir, I’ll need you to wait.”  
“No,” Madison said. “That’s okay. That’s his wife.”  
“I have two names,” the solider said.  
“Griselda Salazar,” Daniel said motioning towards the front door where they had taken Griselda through just moments ago. “Daniel Salazar,” he said motioning to himself.  
“No, not you,” the man said looking at a clipboard. “Nicholas Clark.”  
“What?” asked Madison.  
“Come on, man. Free medical care,” the soldier said.  
Alicia turned to Nick, he was right next to me.  
“Run,” she said.  
He took off and I blocked the path from the incoming soldier, but I was roughly pushed aside.  
“That’s a mistake,” Madison said. “No, no, that’s a mistake.”  
They caught up to Nick and hit him in the face with a gun.  
“No, no, no!” Madison yelled.  
There was so much yelling, but for me it was like the noise was drowned out, and one of those high pitch squeals was all I could hear. Alicia tried to help, and she was restrained. Nick was picked up and held by his wrists as he was escorted from the house, once outside they put a thick zip tie around his wrists. Everything around me slowed, the way horrible things tend to unfold. Madison was causing a scene trying to get to him. She was banging on the window. My breathing filled me ears and then I made a break for it, slipping outside, trying to get to him, but I was caught. I wouldn’t get to him. He was slipped inside of a hummer and then the vehicles began to leave. I screamed and fought with the solider that had me. I saw Liza, she was standing by the truck that had Griselda on it and looking at the house. Then she climbed in the back and the truck pulled away.  
“Where is he?” Madison asked running out of the house. “Where did you take him? Nick!”  
The soldiers stopped her and after a moment they were leaving, including the one who was holding me back. I jumped up and went over to Madison. She hugged me as I fought back tears and then guided me back inside.  
I went to Alicia and Madison went to Travis.  
“Liza. She did this.”  
Then she turned and marched out of the house.

~Before~  
It was pretty early, just after eleven p.m. But there was a knock on my window. I unlocked and then pushed it open.  
“Can we talk for a minute?” He was agitated, I nodded, and he climbed through. “Lexi, I’ve got to go.”  
“Go where?”  
“I can’t stay there anymore. I’m getting out of here.”  
“Nick, where are you going to go?”  
“I’m a survivor Lexi, I’ll be okay. And we’ll still see each other. But I wanted to tell you I was leaving instead of just disappearing. I mean, you’re my best friend.”  
I didn’t want to cry, he wasn’t even leaving the city. But I knew he would come running no matter what, whenever I needed him, and it was nice to know he was right down the road. But now, he would be gone, in a drugged haze somewhere. He said we would still see each other, but…  
I pulled him into a hug, pressing my face into his neck, and breathed him in. He held on tight.  
“Can you look out for my mom and sister.”  
“Both of them are strong, they can take care of themselves.”  
“Lexi, please?” he asked, his voice strained.  
“Of course, I will Nick.” I said instantly.  
I was completely powerless when he was in pain, all I wanted was to make it better, the way he always tried to do for me. I kissed his neck and then he pulled back. We looked into each other’s eyes, a thing we often did.  
“I’ll see you soon,” he said, lightly touching my chin.  
Then he was climbing back through the window, grabbing his bag, and walking off into the night. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~Now~  
“Come on, Lexi, let’s try to get some sleep.”  
She led me to Nick’s room and we laid side by side on the bed.  
“We’ll get him back,” she said facing me. “We will.”  
I nodded. “We have to.”  
“We will.”  
She stayed with me, I could tell she was upset too but she was holding it together much better than I was. I just needed to cry. It had been nearly two weeks since everything changed, my stress and anxiety levels were through the roof. If I cried it out, I could have a clear head tomorrow and then we could come up with a plan to get him back. 

My eyes opened and then closed against the sunlight streaming through the blinds. Nick… My eyes opened again, I was alone in the bed. I sat up and breathed in deep. Once I was ready, I went out to the kitchen and found some food. Madison sat down, a coffee cup in one hand, a crumpled-up tissue in the other.  
“So, what’s the plan?” I asked.  
She cleared her throat. “Travis has gone to talk to Moyers,” she said referring to the guy in charge around here.  
“And?”  
“And…we’re waiting.”  
“They aren’t going to listen to us Madison. You know that,” I said with more venom in my voice than I intended.  
“It’s all we can do right now Lexi,” she said with a sigh.  
I finished my food and left the table. Back in Nick’s room, I sat on the bed. We couldn’t leave the fence because there were guards. I had no idea how to seduce someone into getting something I wanted. Even if I could get out of the fence, what then?  
“Hey,” Alicia said walking into the room. I nodded but said nothing. “Chris and I are going exploring. You wanna come?”  
“No, thanks.”  
She nodded, gave me a quick hug and then left the room. I sat there, racking my brain for a solution or at least an idea. When I heard Travis and Madison in a heated discussion I listened for a moment and then slinked down the hall. Travis was angry, but I wasn’t sure why. I heard the door open and then Madison’s hurried footsteps chasing after him. I followed behind without being seen. We crossed over into a neighbor’s yard. Ofelia sat on the ground, a blank stare on her face. Travis stormed into the house. I stayed a bit behind but followed them into the house, down a hallway, a set of steps and into a room.  
“Stop, stop. Travis, stop,” Madison kept saying.  
“Hey,” said Daniel.  
I hovered just outside the room. Apparently, Daniel had been torturing that soldier that Ofelia had flirted with in an attempt to get medicine for her mom.  
“Tell him about Cobalt,” Daniel said gently. “It’s alright.”  
“Cobalt is the command code to initiate evac from the LA Basin,” Andy said slowly.  
“Evac?” Travis pondered. “When? When do we leave?”  
“Not you,” he said. “Just us.”  
A chill shot up my spine.  
“What?” Travis asked.  
“Go on,” Madison said. “Our people, tell him. Tell him, what happens to them.”  
“Cobalt includes procedures for the…humane termination of…” he trailed off.  
Silence fell over the room. “When?” Travis asked.  
“Oh, nine hundred, tomorrow.”  
This was it, it was now or never, we had to put a plan together, go get our people, and get out of the city.  
I went to my house, one final sweep. I grabbed all my weed, sealed it in smaller bags, all the emergency food that would fit in my backpack. Socks, panties, the for real, end of the world, apocalyptic bag. Then I went to my wall of weapons, it was pretty impressive, I had been collecting for years.  
I loaded up with several guns, ones I could carry and ones I could put in my bag. Then I looked over my wall, what would be best for this situation? I thought about the enemy…any known weaknesses? Nick said you had to get them in the head. I grabbed my baseball bat and then went to the garage. I found long nails and a hammer. When I was done the weapon was perfect.  
I sipped from a bottle of vodka. This was it, I could do this. I was ready, ready to break free and be who I needed to be. I needed to get Nick back and I would have to be a different version of myself. The me I always kept hidden away. The more outspoken, leader, telling people what to do in a crisis, doesn’t ask just does, Lexi.  
From here on out I was Do or Die Lexi. I had to, and I knew it would take a little time, but for Nick, I could do whatever it took to get him back.  
I looked around, one last time. Memories of holidays and birthdays and lazy Saturdays filled my head. This had been my home for the last six and a half years…so much had happened within these walls. It was where Nick and I became friends…  
“Goodbye house…” I said and then I cleared my throat. “When you walk out that door, you leave it all behind Lexi LaRue. You are reborn and well equip to thrive in an apocalyptic world. You be the Lexi you always knew you could be. Nothing and no one can hold us back now. We are survivors and we’re going to get Nick.”  
I opened the front door and walked through, leaving it open, I didn’t look back as I walked up the driveway and then down the road. Ahead of me was a dog being walked by its owner. The dog was low to the ground and a light shade of brown. It was Sampson, he was a Corgi. I had to warn them, I thought as dread washed over me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try to save my dog clients and their human families. I could hit at least six of my customers on the way to the Clark’s and the ones I couldn’t reach, maybe word of mouth would spread.  
I went right up to Sampson and his human and told them the military was leaving us here, get your shit, your family, and get out. Drive as far away as you can.  
Most of everyone I talked to seemed like they took me seriously. I hoped they did and would get out. But at least I had passed on what I knew. I urged everyone to share with their neighbors as well.  
As I walked into the Clark’s I could tell something was different. Madison and Travis were packing in a hurry.  
“Go get your stuff,” Madison said to Chris and Alicia, they must have just walked in before me.  
“What happened?” Alicia asked.  
“We have to go.”  
“But…” Chris said. “What happened?”  
“Now Chris. The guard is pulling out,” Travis said.  
“Yeah, we saw them on the street. They were looting.”  
“They’re leaving, we’re leaving,” Madison said.  
“I thought this was getting better,” Alicia said. “I thought we were winning.”  
“They’re retreating,” Travis said. “It’s not safe for us to stay. Each for our own now.”  
“Going back to our original plan. We’re driving east,” Madison said as she walked by us. “Come on.”  
“We’ve got enough food and water to last us,” Travis said handing a box to Chris as Alicia walked with Madison out of the room.  
“What about mom?” Chris asked.  
“We’re gonna get her and Nick,” he said.  
That was all I needed to hear. I went back to Nick’s room, making two big bags, one for me, one for him and then I put his in the back of Travis’ truck. The other went on my back.  
Daniel wanted to kill Andy, but Travis put his foot down, and said no.  
Chris was sitting in the backseat of Madison’s car when she came out of the house, carrying what I hoped was the final bag, so we could get moving.  
“Alicia, get in the car,” she said as she walked to the trunk and put the bag in there.  
A husky barked on the other side of the street.  
“What?” Ofelia asked as she walked over with a bag.  
“My neighbors don’t know.”  
“A few of them do,” I said. Madison turned to me. “I told a bunch of people earlier, I wanted the dogs I love to have a fighting chance.”  
Madison nodded and then we were walking to the car. I sat in the front, squishing my backpack in front of the seat. We pulled out and so did two other vehicles, one Travis drove and one Ofelia drove. We got to the fence and Daniel got out, flipped some switches and then the gate opened. We drove out and when we reached the hospital, Daniel was dropped off. He was going to let the dead out and create a diversion. The rest of us went to the parking garage part of the hospital. The cars were parked, we got out, and waited.  
Travis walked around to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door.  
“What are you doing?” I asked.  
“Letting him go,” he said as he gave me a weird look.  
“We can’t let him go.”  
“Not you too,” he said with a sigh. “We’re letting him go, it’s the right thing to do.”  
“Travis, we don’t know where they are. We have basically zero chance of finding them without him.”  
“I asked him where they were, he told me. I believe him.”  
“What if he’s lying?”  
“Lexi,” Madison said. “We’re not having this conversation. We’re letting him go.”  
I scoffed but decided not to argue about it. A few minutes after Andy ran off, an alarm outside began to blare, the sound was muffled here in the garage.  
It was almost time, I thought as I looked over and saw Daniel jogging up.  
“I led them to the north gate, so all the soldiers are distracted.”  
My heart was beating faster, as my nerves and adrenaline were kicking in.  
“We can go now,” Daniel said. “We should move.”  
A car door closes, and Daniel looks over to see Travis, standing by the driver’s side of the truck, Andy had been in the passenger’s side, but now of course, the seat was empty.  
“What did you do?” Daniel asked.  
“He told me where to find them,” Travis said.  
“He told you?” Daniel asked.  
“Yeah. I believed him, okay? Like you believed him.”  
“It was the right thing to do,” said Madison.  
“You’ll see what doing the right thing gets you,” Daniel said with a knowing smile.

Alicia and Chris were to stay with the car, a Plan B was hatched in which they would drive east if we didn’t come out on time. We would catch up to them later.  
“Let’s go,” Ofelia said after a trunk was shut.  
“Lexi, why don’t you stay…” Madison began but I cut her off.  
“No. I’m going in there,” I said pointing with my bat. “I’m getting Nick back and you can’t make me stay out here. That’s it,” I said walking around her and following the others to the door that led to a stairwell.  
At the top of the stairs, there was a heavy door, Ofelia opened it a little, enough so she could peek out and a moment later she opened it up and we followed her out. The alarm was louder out here.  
About twelve feet away, around a curve and to the left, was a fence with a chain and padlock on it, that’s where we were headed. Up ahead, within another fence the soldiers were all busy fighting the infected. There were so many, a huge crowd of them and they just kept coming.  
“The hard part is done,” Daniel said as Ofelia cut the padlock.  
The chain was removed, and the sliding gate opened, like a sliding gate.  
“If the infected get in, how do we get out?” Ofelia asked.  
“That would be the harder part,” Daniel answered as we all rushed through.  
Travis paused to close the sliding gate which closed like a sliding gate and then we continued into a different part of the building.  
We walked into the office part of the hospital, the place was in shambles, it looked like the military guys used this place a lot.  
“This must be the checkpoint,” Travis said. “Adams said there’d be a sign marked ‘Administration’.”  
We fanned out, searching.  
“It’s here,” Madison said.  
We went down a hallway. I hated hospitals and somehow, they were even worse when whole wings were abandoned. At the end of the hall, was another door. Travis opened it cautiously, we could hear people shouting on the other side. It was a big room, there were people in large cages, like for dogs, in rows, up and down the room. Large lights on stands, stood around the edge of the room, pointed at the cages. Large trunks with who knows what inside, stood near the lights.  
The scavenger part of my brain wanted to know, what was inside them.  
“Nick,” Madison called, bringing me back to the mission at hand.  
She walked swiftly down the six-step staircase and into the room. “Nick,” Madison called again, and I quicken my step to keep up with her.  
Ofelia began to call for her mom.  
“Nick Clark,” Madison yelled.  
People looked at us as we walked by, they stuck their hands through the fence and pleaded for us to help them.  
“Who are you looking for?” someone asked as we rounded a corner.  
“I’m looking for my son. He’s nineteen,” Madison responded.  
“There was a boy with the suit,” a lady answered.  
“Who?” Travis asked.  
“Rich guy, stuck in here with us.”  
“Where’d they go?” Madison asked.  
“We’ll tell you,” a man from another cage said. “Let us out.”  
“Yeah,” said another man from that same cage.  
Madison and Travis sprang into action, trying to break the lock. Together they managed to break it and the door opened. People rushed out, but Madison grabbed one of them and pinned him against the fence.  
“Whoa, whoa, wait. Where, where?” Madison asked in a rush.  
“Strand took him out the back,” a lady in a different cage answered as she pointed to that direction.  
“Maddy,” Travis called as he ran over to another cage to break the lock.  
“There’s no time,” Daniel said.  
“Get everybody!” someone yelled.  
“There is no time! Ofelia!” Daniel said as he was turning to go.  
“Thank you.”  
“Thank you.”  
People kept running by as Travis opened more cages. I wished we could save them all, but like Daniel said, there wasn’t time and we had to go. I followed him, the others could sit back and think about it if they wanted to, but I was going.  
Down another long hall we could hear shouting.  
Nick! My heart suddenly kicked into a higher gear as I hear him calling out for Madison.  
“Mom! Mom!”  
“Nick!” Madison called back.  
The doors he and another man were behind were sealed shut. He was beating on the door and then Madison and Travis tried opening the door from their end. But it wouldn’t budge.  
“Open it!” Nick said desperate.  
“Open it, Travis!” Madison said.  
“I’m trying.”  
That’s when I noticed the little thing on the wall. We needed a key card to open it…fear rushed over me followed by anguish. What could we do? We had to open the door.  
“We’ll get you out,” Madison said.  
I looked around for something heavy we could crash into the doors, but there was nothing…  
“No! No!” Madison called, and my eyes were drawn back to Nick.  
I could see the infected closing in…  
“Mom,” Nick said calmly. “Go.”  
No.  
Madison just stood there.  
“Madison, look out! Move!” yelled Liza who was running down the hall to us.  
She swipes a card, there’s a beep but nothing happens.  
“Hurry!” Madison yelled. “Hurry, they’re coming!”  
“It’s not working,” Liza said as she tried it again.  
“Come on! Come on! Please!” Madison begged.  
Nick and I locked eyes as he and the other guy continued to slam into the doors with their shoulders.  
Another swipe from the card, and it worked, the doors opened, Nick and the other man ran through, Nick grabbed my hand and then together we all ran down a long set of stairs. Emerging in a kitchen.  
“Hush up,” Liza whispered.  
There were so many things to grab, cans, spices, fruit, Jell-O cups…but I didn’t have too much room in my bag and we still had to find Griselda. We walked slowly, quietly, following Liza. Around a corner, the infected were entering from the other side, the lights began to flicker.  
“Papa?” Ofelia called.  
Guns began firing, the others using whatever weapon they had, to get through the infected. One had Liza pinned, I hit it in the head with my bat, and then helped her up.  
We all worked together, haphazardly.  
“No! Help!” I heard Madison calling.  
Nick rushed forward, grabbing a hammer and hitting it in the head, it fell to the floor and we all came back together, following Liza once more.  
“Let’s go,” said Liza.  
“Lexi,” Nick said holding his hand out.  
I grabbed it and walked with him, out of the kitchen with the others.  
“Where’s Chris?” Liza asked.  
“He’s safe,” Travis answered.  
“Where?”  
“Outside the compound with Alicia. We’ve got to find another way out of here now.”  
We walked swiftly through a cafeteria, and then a set of doors was closed behind us, that man putting a mop handle between the door handles.  
“Who the hell are you?” Madison asked.  
“This is Strand,” Nick said. “He saved my life.”  
I didn’t know this man, but he’s the reason Nick is still here and that’s good enough for me.  
Daniel wielding his gun went first exploring the next area with Travis close behind.  
Daniel stopped and waited for us to go by. He pulled Liza aside.  
“Liza, where is my wife?”  
I didn’t hear the answer as we walked on by.  
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Nick said quietly. “I thought Mom would have put you at the kiddie table.”  
“She tried,” I said. “I didn’t want to come in here…but…I had to get you.”  
He smiled and then grabbed me and kissed me. He took my hand once more and we followed the others, finally walking into an actual medical unit. There were so many beds, nearly all of them taken, all the people, dead. Shot in the head. Only one person remained, Dr. Exner. My grip tightened on my bat. But instead of bashing her brains in like I wanted to do, I immediately went for whatever supplies I could fit into my bag. Liza went to talk to her.  
“Doctor,” she said. “We need a way out.”  
“You should have gone when I said,” she responded.  
“Help us,” Travis said. “I’ll take you with my family, but we need your help.”  
“Where do you think your family’s gonna go?” she asked.  
“There has to be somewhere.”  
“There is a way out,” Exner said looking at her shoes. “Past the ICU, the set of stairs down. Takes you through the sublevel. You can get out. But there’s nowhere to go,” she said looking back at us. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  
“Come with us, there are people you can still help,” Liza said.  
The rest of us were going back to the doorway that led us here.  
“Liza,” Madison called. “We have to go.”  
They joined us and then we all rushed out.  
“So, what’s the master plan?” Strand asked. “I assume one exists?”  
“What do you mean?” Madison asked.  
“Have you settled on a destination, an end point?”  
“We’re heading east. The desert. Should be safe there.”  
“It’s not,” Strand said.  
“Then what do you suggest Mr. Strand?” Madison asked turning to look at him.  
“Go west,” he replied.  
“What’s west?” she asked.  
“I have a home on the water. I have supplies. I’m prepared.”  
I looked at Nick, he nodded, and we continued on. Through another door and we were finally outside. The sun had come up…when did that happen? We walked past large piles of what looked like ash, still smoking. Closer inspection revealed human bones amidst the ash and the smoke…the further we walked you could even make out whole people, though burned and dead…this was a mass grave.  
Griselda…the sickness had taken her, we looked at Ofelia and Daniel as the realization hit them, before walking on, giving them a moment. Ofelia began to cry.  
We had just opened the door leading back to the parking garage, when Travis called out for Chris and then Alicia.  
The car they had been instructed to stay in was gone.  
“Where’s the car?” Madison asked.  
“Did they leave?” Ofelia asked.  
“Oh, no. Chris! Alicia!”  
“Shh!” Daniel hissed. “Lower your voice.”  
“We gotta find them,” Travis said looking around.  
“The dead will hear you,” Daniel said putting his hand on Travis’ shoulder. “And they will come.”  
Travis pushed Daniel up against his truck and then he and Liza continued to call for Chris.  
“We’re here. Mom!” Alicia called as a door opened and they ran out.  
“Dad,” Chris called.  
“What happened?” Travis asked as he sat his shotgun on the hood of his truck and then ran to meet them.  
“Are you okay?” Madison asked as she ran over to hug Alicia.  
The soldiers took the SUV, they said, they tried to stop it and then they were hiding until now. Madison and Travis looked them over as they both insisted they were okay.  
“We must go now,” Daniel said looking antsy.  
“Salazar.”  
We turned to see Andy, who Travis let go earlier, he was pointing a gun at Daniel. He looked like he was wrestling with the decision of whether or not to shoot him.  
Madison stayed with Alicia and Chris, but Travis slowly began walking over, his hands held out in front of him, the way people do in delicate situations.  
“Andy,” Ofelia asked. “Andy…hey…”  
“Ofelia,” Daniel said with a warning tone.  
“Andrew,” she said taking a few steps toward him. “Put the gun down. You don’t have to do this, okay? What are you doing? Just put the gun down.”  
He looked over at her and then refocused on Daniel, holding the gun with both hands, as if getting ready to fire it.  
“Andrew, don’t do this. Please, please, please.”  
He looked back at her, his eyes lingered there.  
“Andy!” Ofelia said.  
“No!” Daniel yelled just as Andy turned the gun towards her and pulled the trigger.  
The bullet hit Ofelia and she fell, I flinched as the gunshot rang out in the parking garage and Travis dove for Andy, tackling him to the ground.  
Daniel and Liza rushed to Ofelia’s side and Travis punched Andy, again and again with no sign of stopping. Nick squeezed my hand and we just stared, watching as Travis finally broke.  
Madison went to him as Andy’s face was nothing but a bloody mess.  
“Trav, leave him. Leave him,” she said, and the punching stopped.  
Andy coughed but other than that he didn’t move. Travis stood up, out of breath, looking at his hands.  
“It’s okay,” Madison said, lightly touching his arm.  
Travis walked over to his truck, placing his hands on the hood, they were shaking. As he took some minutes to himself, Ofelia was loaded into the back of the truck, Daniel and Liza climbing in with her. Chris climbed in the front and Travis got behind the wheel. That left Madison driving her car with Alicia up front, Strand, Nick, and I in the backseat. I took in a long breath and let it out slowly, resting my head on Nick’s shoulder. He kissed my forehead and I grabbed onto him.  
Strand gave Madison directions, so many buildings were burned or burning. There was infected walking in the streets here and there, but other than that it seemed eerily deserted.  
The windows were down, and a breeze blew through the car, Nick had his hand out the window, riding the wind. My eyes became droopy and I kissed his neck before letting my lids fall shut.

“Lexi, wake up,” Nick whispered.  
I opened my eyes, he was giving me that look, the one he only gave me.  
I leaned into him, my lips pressing up against his. A moment later we got out of the car.  
“Come,” Strand said as he pushed a few buttons on a panel and then a gate opened.  
His house was fancy, I could tell just by looking at the garage that housed several cars.  
“Grid’s dead,” Nick said.  
“Generators kick on when the power dies,” Strand said turning back to look at us before walking through the gate.  
We were left to follow; his yard was landscaped, and his front door was twice as wide as a regular doorway. Fancy, indeed.  
“Anyone hungry?” he asked walking back through and meeting us in the foyer. “Help yourself.”  
The kitchen was a dream. I had never been in such a snazzy place before. I felt a smile on my face, there was a breeze blowing through, potted plants, a huge window overlooking the ocean… and then I went over to look in the fridge. Fancy food. Eventually I found some cookies. There may not be many chances to eat cookies from here on out, so I might as well.  
I went outside on the veranda, offered Nick a cookie, which he took with a signature smile.  
I sat on the floor and then Madison walked out. She and Nick shared a look.  
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.  
“For what?” he asked.  
“I let them take you.”  
Nick sighed and shook his head. “Mom…” and then he squeezed her arm.  
All was forgiven in his eyes.  
“What?” she asked.  
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t know…I feel strange.”  
“Yeah, we’re spinning off the planet. We don’t know where we’re going.”  
“That’s the thing,” he said. “I never knew where I was going. It’s like, I’ve been living this…for a long time,” he paused. “And now, everyone is…catching up with me. Strange.”  
Madison nodded, she stood out there a while longer and then went inside.  
Nick sat down next to me. “In case I haven’t told you recently…I love you.”  
I smiled. “I love you too.”  
We watched the ocean, I thought I felt my phone vibrate, so I took it out and looked at the screen, but there was nothing.  
I sent out a mass text, to Mom, Harry, and my brother. Telling them I was okay. I was with friends and we had a plan to get somewhere safe. I hoped they were safe as well and we would see each other again soon. But the message failed to go through. Tears clouded my vision, I wiped them away, but they were quickly replaced.  
“Hey,” Nick said, and I could feel his arms around me.  
“The message didn’t go through…”  
“They know,” he said. “You guys had a place to go in case of something like this. They know, you know, basically, what to do. Your Mom and Harry know that you would be with us and your brother will be holding down the fort. It’s okay that the text didn’t go through.”  
I nodded and then he stood up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up with him.  
“Let’s go see what Strand is doing.”  
I nodded as I wiped my face and sniffed. He pulled me along until we found him, swiftly packing a suitcase.  
“Where are you going?” Nick asked.  
“I must stay in constant motion.”  
“What do we do? Can we stay here?”  
Strand slowly picked up a small picture frame, looking intensely at the picture. “No,” he said. “No, you cannot. No one stays,” he said looking at us.  
He turned back to his bag and zipped it up.  
“Where’s Abagail?” Nick asked.  
“Not here,” he replied.  
“So why are we here?”  
Strand walked out to a balcony, Nick and I followed him.  
“Why’d we come here if we’re not staying?” He didn’t answer. “Are you insane?” Nick asked. “Strand?”  
“The only way to survive a mad world, is to embrace the madness,” he said looking at both of us and then he motioned for us to come out on the balcony.  
“Is that a yes?” Nick asked.  
“I embrace madness,” I said. “And I’m not insane.”  
“Debatable,” Nick replied, and I shoved him playfully.  
Strand looked into a large pair of binoculars set on a stand. He turned them this way and that until he found what he wanted, he then moved aside and looked back at us. Nick took one side and I took the other, we looked through together, spotting a large white yacht out in the ocean.  
“Abagail,” Strand said and then he turned to me. “We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Victor Strand,” he said holding out his hand.  
“Lexi LaRue,” I said shaking his hand.  
“Ah,” he said in a voice as smooth as butter. “Lexi.”  
“You talked about me?” I asked eyeing Nick.  
“Guilty.”  
“This boy loves you.”  
I smiled. “I know. Thanks for keeping him alive.”  
That’s when the gun shot rang out. Instantly my head snapped in that direction, it was down towards the beach. I was frozen, but I could see Alicia and Chris run by on the ground below.  
“It’s Liza,” Nick said looking into the binoculars. “She’s dead.”


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two features trying to survive the apocalypse on the ocean, making it to Mexico and living in a Really Nice house until they have to leave it, finding a hotel to wait it out for a while.   
> Lexi getting more in her element as she begins to sing...A Lot. Lexi making friends, losing friends, and trying to process what it all means. What she wants from herself, to step up, to make desicions, to be heard. 
> 
> Songs featured: 'Santa Fe' - Jon Bon Jovi  
> 'Creep' - Radiohead  
> 'Existentialism on Prom Night' - Straylight Run
> 
> Mentions of: 'Love Me Till it Hurts' - Papa Roach  
> 'Tonightless' - 18 Visions

Part Two

“We need to go,” Victor said as he walked back into his room and grabbed his bag.   
As he walked, he grabbed other bags and once we were downstairs, we were tasked with filling them with supplies. Once the bags were full, we took them down to the beach. The sun was sinking fast below the horizon and explosions began filling the air. Chris was next to Liza, who was carefully wrapped in a sheet. He looked at us but didn’t move.   
“Nick, help me with this,” Victor said as he motioned towards a raft.  
When that was ready, they helped Ofelia in, followed by Daniel, Alicia, and me, as well as a bunch of the supplies. We were headed for the Abagail; the others and the rest of the supplies would be picked up next.   
The wind whipped at my face and the explosions caused a red-orange glow that I had never seen in the city before. Victor told Nick what to do from the back of the raft while he steered. When we made it to the boat Victor got on first and went right inside. As the rest of us boarded, I could hear the boat purring to life. We worked swiftly to unload the raft.   
“Strand,” Nick called.  
When he didn’t answer we walked inside, no time to take in the surroundings as we made our way up a set of stairs where Victor waited.  
“Boat’s unloaded,” Nick said and after waiting for a response but not getting one, he called out to him again.  
Victor was looking out the large window, to the sea that lay before us, to the lights that lingered on the surface. So many lights.  
“That’s unfortunate,” Victor said.  
“Hey, we need to go back,” Nick said.  
“No, you need to go back, because we are about to have a number of uninvited guests. The Abagail can survive on the sea for a long time. Others will covet that. They,” he said turning to us and pointing out the window. “will covet that. Point the launch towards land like I showed you. Go!”  
Nick ran out, but I stayed behind. There were still four people to get and the rest of the bags, I didn’t want to take up unnecessary room to just ride along. Victor was busy, and I didn’t want to be a bother, plus my heart was beating too fast and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I went back outside; Alicia came over and leaned on me. We waited for Nick to return with the others.   
In only a few minutes he was back, and they boarded the boat, Travis carried Liza in his arms, and we gathered the supplies and tied the raft onto the boat. Then we were moving, sailing off into the night as the city of angels burned behind us. Welcome to the fucking apocalypse…

I made my way to a room with some beds, I hopped up into one and covered myself up, trying to make myself feel safe so the panic that was rising inside would stop.   
My phone suddenly made a noise, I pulled it out and looked at the screen. The message had gone through and there was a message from mom!   
‘We’re safe, we made it, I know you’ll be okay, you’re the strong one.’  
I read and re-read it several times. My eyes glazed over, and I began to really cry. I tried holding it in, but that was just making everything worse. I needed to let it out.   
They left me behind. They left me…  
There were so many emotions running around inside. When the door opened, I tried to stop but it was too late.  
“Hey, what happened?” Nick asked jumping up into the bed.  
I showed him the screen and then he hugged me. Pulling me into him and wouldn’t let go.  
“They left me…” I sobbed.  
“Shh,” he soothed. “It doesn’t matter, you’re with me…and at least now you know and can stop worrying about it.”  
I nodded; he was right of course. I did know the answer and could let it go now. If I was with them, I would be worried about Nick and he was here now.   
“So, come on,” he said pulling me into the familiar seated position and holding my hands.   
“With each breath in,” I said, forcing the words out. “We take in gratitude, that we are alive, and with each breath out, we let go of the bullshit.”  
We did this three times, when I opened my eyes, I was looking at his beautiful face and he was giving me that look.   
“Thank you,” I said before closing the space between us and attacking him with my lips.

The sun had come up when we emerged from the bedroom. Nick squeezed my hand before walking off. I lingered for a minute. Despite it all, I was…almost happy. Nick was here. Madison, Alicia and Travis were here. They had been my home away from home for several years. Right now, we were safe and together. That’s what I decided to focus on. The smell of coffee lured me to the kitchen, there were mugs set out. I grabbed one and filled it with water, not liking coffee in the mornings anyway. On the way to the outside I passed Ofelia, sitting on the couch in the living area.   
“Hey, you feeling any better?”  
“Not really.”  
“You need anything?”  
“I’m fine,” she said.  
I nodded and then continued outside to where Madison and Alicia were.  
“How far can it take us?” Madison asked.  
“Three thousand miles,” Victor responded. “More if we don’t stress the engines.”  
“That’ll give us options,” Daniel said.  
“Sure, we can make it all the way to El Salvador. We can survive on the Abagail for quite some time.” Victor said as he returned to the upper deck.   
That’s when we heard it, a bunch of people were stranded in a large raft, waving their arms and calling out for help.  
“Mom?” Alicia asked as we crowded around to see. “What do we do?”  
“Go get Travis,” Madison said and then she took off to where Strand had just disappeared to.  
Alarms went off in my head and I followed her.   
“Strand, stop the boat,” she said when she walked into his ‘office’.  
“That’s funny,” he said without even turning around.  
“There are people out there we can help. They’ll drown.”  
“Then they should return to land.”  
“We’re too far out. There’s nothing to go back to. Don’t do this.”  
“I filled my mercy quota. Eight people saved to date,” he said turning and looking at her. “Be thankful. We have to stay away from the coast. Stay away from other people, stay away from the other boats.”  
“What then?” Travis asked as he came into the room.  
“South,” Victor replied. “We circle down to San Diego.”  
“Travis, there’s a boat,” Madison said.  
“Marines at Pendleton. Navy at Coronado. Border Patrol. If they held the line anywhere…”  
“The military are not going to help us,” Travis said cutting him off.  
“You prefer the alternative?” Victor asked.  
“Stop the goddamn boat,” Madison said getting angry. “That’s the alternative.”  
“If I stop the boat, it’ll be to drop folks off, not take them on.”  
She looked at Travis.  
We can’t help them I thought. This is the apocalypse, for real…people are going to be the worst versions of themselves because of fear and panic. They will kill for nothing. Helping people is out of the question if you want to survive. I shook my head, knowing that I was right but hoping I wouldn’t have to say it.   
“It’s not safe,” Travis said and then Madison left the room with Travis on her heels.  
Victor sped the boat up. “You have an interesting story, don’t you?’ he asked.  
“What?” I asked.  
“You agree with me, I can see it all over your face. Most people don’t know this stuff.”  
“Most people weren’t preparing for…something for the last several years. My family even had a place back east, stocked, ready, safe…a lot of good it does me now.”  
“Ah, but you have survival smarts. Don’t sale yourself short Lexi LaRue. But why didn’t you speak up?” I looked away, words failing me again. “You’ll have to get over that. Or forever be subject to the whims of those around you.”  
“Yeah, I know. I’m backing you though.”  
“Smart move.”  
I left and walked back outside.  
“Mom what happened?” Nick asked.  
“Ask your new friend…”  
Nick’s eyes found mine and he had a puzzled look on his face. He motioned for me to come down there and together we sat on the back of the boat.  
“What happened?” he asked.  
“Helping people is too risky Nick.”  
“Are you serious?”  
“Yes.”  
“How can you say that?”  
“You wanna survive?” He looked away. “I didn’t say any of this in there. Victor did, but I agree. I’m sorry, but it’s true.”   
“You don’t know that helping people would be a bad idea.”  
“Yeah, I do. This is the kind of thing my family was preparing for. We are in survival mode Nick. There are no more laws, no more rules. It’s do whatever you can to survive. And in most people’s minds that means being led my fear and panic. Both are a dangerous combination.” He sighed. “Don’t be pissed at me.”  
“I’m not,” he said. “I’m going to talk to Strand.”  
He left, and I took out a happy stick, lit it and took in a long breath.

The problem with being on a boat meant that there was never really anywhere to go to get away. You were limited to the boat. I moved to the couch just above me and got into a comfortable position for some much-needed meditation.   
Later, we gather for Liza’s funeral. She’s still wrapped in her sheet, but her face is uncovered.   
“Um…you all knew Liza long enough to see what kind of person she was,” Travis said quietly. “How devoted she was to her family. She loved to help people. She would help anyone, and she did. She was selfless, you know. She would give from her heart.” He paused and let out a sigh. “And she could be fierce. Oh, my God. She was so strong and…it was painful sometimes,” he said with a little laugh. “And the best thing that we ever did together was our son…who she loved more than anything or anyone.” Travis looked at Chris.  
He looked away and then slowly walked over. He looked so angry and hurt. When he reached the table that she was lying on, he grabbed the sheet, covering up her and head and then tipped the table she was lying on, dumping her into the ocean. She hit the water with a splash, everyone looked at Chris and then he walked away. Travis stood there a moment longer and then went after his son.   
Once the others cleared out of there, I sang a song. Quietly, but for Liza. When I turned around, Nick was looking at me.  
“Singing her to the other side?” he asked.  
“Yes,” I said. “Someone should. Might as well be me.”  
He kissed my forehead and then we went inside. I helped Madison set the table for dinner. I wanted to talk to Chris but when Travis returned, he had blood on his mouth. Maybe I would give him a bit to cool off. Travis and Daniel sat at a bar for a drink and I sat on the couch between Nick and Ofelia.   
Alicia came into the room. “Travis. Travis, someone needs help. They’re sinking.”  
“Who?” Travis asked sitting in a chair across from the couch.  
“Look, it’s just him, his brother, and his sister-in-law. Just three, we can manage that.”  
“What’s this?” Madison asked walking over.  
“Jack,” Alicia said. “His name’s Jack.”  
“Who the hell is Jack?” Victor asked. He walked into the room. “You gonna make me ask twice?”  
“He’s on a fishing boat near here and he’s sinking.”  
“You talked to him?”  
“Yes, I talked to him.”  
“Did you tell him anything about us?”  
“I…no, I didn’t tell him anything important.”  
“What didn’t you say, Alicia?” Victor asked raising his voice. “What didn’t you tell him about us?”  
“Calm down,” Travis said.  
“This isn’t a game,” Victor said getting angrier. “It’s mob rule on land. You think it’s any better out here?”  
“Back off,” Travis said with a wave of his hand.  
“What are you gonna do, Travis? You feel strong?” he asked taking a step forward.  
Travis stood up but did nothing. Victor took a step back “Please,” he said in a calmer voice. “Let me explain, the rules of the boat. Rule number one,” he said holding up one finger. “It’s my boat. Rule number two, it is my boat. And if there remains any confusion about rules one and two, I offer rule number three, it’s my goddamn boat. If it weren’t for me, you would all be burned. You’re welcome,” he finished and then walked away.  
After a few minutes of silence, Nick got up and then followed Victor. I didn’t like the tension and decided Chris had had long enough to cool down. I went to the room he was staying in and knocked on the door.   
“Go away Dad,” he said.  
I opened the door. “Not Dad, just Lexi.”  
He didn’t say anything, and I walked in, closing the door behind me. I pulled out some of my weed, lit it and offered it to him. He eyed me suspiciously but took it.  
“Not too much, gotta make it last. Plus, if you’ve never been stoned before, now is not the time.” He took in a deep breath and then another and handed it back. “I get that you don’t want to talk, but I just wanted to tell you there isn’t a right way to respond to grief. If you’re pissed off, that’s okay. If you want to cry, go for it. The only thing that really helps, is time.”  
“What would you know?” he barked.  
“Because I’ve lost people too. Before this, and it sucked then. I’d imagine, it still sucks now. Just…don’t let your mind wonder. The what ifs can kill you. I’m here if you want to rant, if you want to sit in silence, whatever, okay?”  
He didn’t respond, didn’t look at me. I went to the door.  
“I could have saved her…”  
I turned back and walked up to him, kneeling so we were eye to eye.  
“She was bitten Chris. She said there was nothing that could be done, the virus was going to kill her anyway and she didn’t want to go through that. I’m so, so sorry. It’s not fair, but you knew she loved you.”  
“Why didn’t she tell me?” he asked as tears began to fall.  
“She most likely didn’t want you to see what was coming. She was probably trying to protect you.”  
“He shot her…”  
“I know, but…it was her choice.” He shook his head. “We’re going to eat soon. You want me to bring you some?”  
He nodded and curled up on the bed, I left the room, shutting the door behind me.

We gathered for dinner, it looked amazing. Everyone was smiling and laughing, like it was a normal day. Chris, I noticed stood just beyond where the table was. Looking out of place, he eyed us and then slowly walked away. A few minutes later we heard a splash. Nick was up and running to the back of the boat.  
“What was that?” Travis asked coming back down the stairs as the rest of us got out of our seats and made our way to the back of the boat.  
“There was a splash,” Daniel answered.  
“Chris!” Nick called and then he ran down to the little dock and jumped into the water.   
I hovered with Madison as we looked out over the water.  
“Nick!” Madison called.  
A moment later two heads bobbed up out of the ocean.  
“Hey, come on in,” Nick said to us. “Water’s fine.” Then Nick dove under.  
I shook my head and smiled. He was just like a fish in water. I was turning back to return to the food when I heard Nick calling for Madison. I turned back and up ahead you could see a boat floating nearby but it was upside down, there was smoke and infected in the water.  
“Get out of the water!” Madison yelled.  
“Chris get out!” Travis yelled.  
But as Chris disappeared under the water, Travis hopped in the raft to go get him.  
“Nick!” Alicia yelled.  
“I hear someone,” he called back before diving under again.  
“Nick!” Alicia called again.  
Travis reached Chris just as an infected lady in a lifejacket did. Travis pulled him into the boat and continued to call for Nick who hadn’t come back up.  
“Nick!” I called as fear swept over me.  
“He’s right there,” Alicia said suddenly pointing.  
“We should be leaving now,” Victor said as he suddenly joined us. “Someone’s joining us.”  
“Travis!” Madison yelled.  
“It could be no one,” Victor said but then he stopped right in front of Alicia. “It could be the ones who did that.” And then he was hurrying back to the upper deck.  
Travis got Nick in the raft and then they were all coming back to the boat.   
“We have to go,” Madison said as they got back, and the raft was tied back into place. “We have to go now.”  
“Why?” Travis asked.  
“Strand, we’re clear!” Madison yelled.  
“What’s happening?” Travis asked. “What’s going on?”  
“Whoever did that,” Madison said pointing at the wreckage. “they’re coming back.”  
Nick walked up to where I was, with a towel Ofelia had handed him.  
I punched him in the arm. “Asshole.”  
“What?” he asked all innocent.  
“You scared me to death,” I said annoyed as I grabbed him and hugged him.  
“I’m fine. We’re fine.”  
He disappeared inside and a moment later Madison went after him.   
“Why did you jump in?” I asked Chris.  
He shrugged. “I just wanted to swim.”  
I looked at Alicia who shook her head but smiled. Chris sat on the couch and that’s when I saw Travis, Madison, Daniel, and Ofelia making a beeline for Victor’s office. I joined them, not wanting to be left out of the loop.  
“San Diego’s dead,” Travis said walking over to Victor and plopping a book down.  
“How bad?” Daniel asked.  
“It’s gone,” Madison answered.  
“What?” Victor asked. “Wait, wait…”  
“What do you mean gone?” Daniel asked.  
“It’s burned, the military burned it down,” Madison said opening the book. “According to this, the Leigh Anne just came from the south right there.”  
“Wait a minute,” Ofelia said. “I thought you said San Diego was safe.”  
“I wouldn’t take this as gospel,” Victor said as he picked up the logbook Nick had found. “Did they even try to dock? Did they go ashore? How do they know?”  
“The logs are clear,” Daniel said. “The last entry was yesterday. What is there to doubt?”  
“If we’re going to San Diego, we need to know what’s there,” Madison said.  
“Right now, I’m trying to focus on what’s about to be here,” Victor replied. “And what kind of weapon would you suppose would be big enough to sink that boat?”  
“Fifty caliber machine gun,” Daniel answered.  
“Military grade,” Victor responded. “The kind of weapon that could only be mounted on a larger vessel,” he said pointing to a screen. “Larger vessel.”  
“You sure it’s following us?” Travis asked.  
“I have zigged, and I have zagged, their course corrects every time.”  
“It could be them,” Daniel said.  
“It could be Alicia’s radio crush for all we know,” Victor said. “Which is why we don’t talk to strangers. Whoever it is, we’re not losing it. And it’s faster.”  
“Fine,” Ofelia said. “Where do we go? What do we do now?”  
Victor grabbed a map and moved over to table. “We hide. We’ll lose them on the radar if we stick to the coast.” They all gathered around to see. “Hmm, this one has a cove,” Victor said pointing.  
“Sure,” Travis said. “So does this one, Just as deep. And this is a wildlife refuge. There’ll be a ranger station there.”  
“Which will probably be abandoned,” Victor said.   
“Sure,” Travis said. “But a ranger station’s gonna have shortwave radio, supplies…” Victor chuckled. “We can gather information,” Travis finished.  
“Then that’s where we go,” Madison said looking at Victor.  
His eyes flickered to everyone who stood around him. “Catrina Island it is.”  
The meeting disbanded, and everyone went their separate ways except me who stayed behind.  
“Why didn’t you contribute?” he asked.  
“I was just observing. I tend to only talk if I have something to say. In this case, I’m just happy we have a plan.”  
He gave a slight nod and returned his attention back to the open ocean. The sun was setting fast and soon stars filled the sky. We could see land ahead and in the dark, there was a flicker of light.  
“You see that?” Madison asked. “Light came on in that house,” she said pointing.  
“I saw it,” I said.  
Then it came on again and turned off. Victor maneuvered the boat and then we docked. I went downstairs wanting some time on land. Nick bumped into me, making me smile and we hopped off the boat and onto the dock.  
“You coming?” Madison asked.  
“I’ll stay,” Victor said from up top. “Make sure our radar friend moves past us. When he’s gone, we’re gone.”  
“Ofelia and I will keep you company,” Daniel said after he had tied a thick rope onto a pillar on the dock.  
“Solitude doesn’t bother me,” Victor replied.  
“We insist,” Daniel responded.  
So, the three of them stayed on the boat and the rest of us walked up the dock and onto the land.   
There was a nice house, along with a shed, and a garden. That was all I could see from here.  
“Someone’s home,” Travis said.  
“They’re not throwing their doors open,” Madison replied.  
“No, they’re scared. We’d be scared too,” Travis said as we walked up a staircase that was built into the hill to get to the house.   
We walked cautiously up the house, with Travis leading the way.   
“You see anything?” Madison asked.  
“Hello?” Travis called.  
“Travis,” Madison whispered.  
“Hello?” he called again.  
“What are you doing?” Madison protested.  
“We know you’re in there. We know you’re scared,” Travis said. “We are, too. We just need information. We’re not a threat. We’re not sick. We’re just…we need help.”  
The front door began to open, slowly, creaking as it did, and a moment later a little boy with blonde hair ran out.   
“Harry! Harry!” A man called as he joined the boy outside. “Hey back here,” he said pointing inside and the boy ran in.   
A woman appeared in the doorway, with one arm, she was holding a little girl back and now the boy joined them. We all looked at them, in silence. The man took a step towards us. He was older, what little hair he had was dark but turning white, his facial hair was already white, and he wore small glasses.  
“Sorry, he’s excited to see people. It’s been a while.”  
“We just saw your light come on. We were on the water,” Madison explained.  
The man looked at the woman and then back to us. “That was an accident.”  
Another awkward silence and staring ensued.  
“Travis,” Travis said stepping forward with his hand out. “Travis Manawa.”  
The man hesitated but a moment later he was reaching out his hand to shake the one that was waiting.  
“George Geary,” he said. “What can I do for you, Travis Manawa?”  
“We had to drop anchor,” Travis said shaking his head. “It’s no safer on sea than on land.”  
“What makes you think here is safe?” George asked.  
“We just need to get our bearings and we’ll be gone. You have nothing to fear from us.”

We were invited into the house. It was cozy in there. Travis and George went into a study to talk. Madison and the lady, whose name is Melissa went to talk in the kitchen while we sat in the living room with the little kids. We were offered drinks, wine flowed all around. But since I don’t drink, I didn’t have anything. Nick was trying to play a video game with the little boy, Harry, while Chris sat in a chair looking miserable. Alicia and I sat on a couch and watched the little girl, Willa, sing ‘Ring Around the Rosie’ with a doll she was playing with.   
“What are posies?” she asked from the floor.  
“Posies are flowers,” Alicia answered.   
“Why do you put them in your pockets?” she asked.  
“Um, well, a long time ago across the ocean in Europe,” Alicia said leaning forward. “There was a virus that made a lot of people really sick. And they didn’t have the medicine we do now, so they gave them flowers to make them healthy.”  
“Did it work?”  
“No,” she said.  
Chris sat down his glass and stood up.  
“Nick, you want to come see our room?” Harry asked.  
“Yeah let’s go do it,” Nick said as he stood up and followed Harry to the stairs, as he walked by, he gave me a look, I smiled at him. “Hey, man, you wanna come see Harry’s room?” he asked Chris.  
“I’m good,” Chris said.  
“Look, you don’t have to talk or anything,” Nick said. “But it is better to be with people.”  
“It’s okay,” Chris said quietly.  
“Okay…” he turned back to Harry. “Come on, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”  
Alicia finished her wine.  
“So, how’s life?” I asked.  
She laughed and then her eyes welled up. I hugged her. Madison came out of the kitchen, giving us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a while later we left and walked back to the boat. Nick was walking slowly, like he had a lot on his mind. I slipped my arm through his and we walked together. Back on the boat he went to one of the bedrooms.  
“Are you finally sleepy?” I asked.  
“Yeah…” he said grabbing some pillows and a blanket.  
“Where are you going?”  
“Do you want to sleep in here when there are a million stars out there lighting up the sky?” he asked with a smile.  
And so, we went outside, setting up shop on one of the couches.  
“Damn,” I said.   
“Are you sad that you left the country?” he asked.  
“When I see an amazing view like this? Yeah.”  
Stargazing had always been a favorite pastime, and it was difficult so close to the city. But out here…just the lights on the Abagail obstructed the view.  
“So, how are you,” he asked. “I mean really?”  
“Really? I’m kind of freaking out…this is…a lot. But I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be in an apocalypse with, than you.”  
“Are you flirting with me?” he asked with his cat eyes.  
“In case you haven’t noticed,” I said leaning in. “I’m always flirting with you.”  
He gave me one of those smiles and sat up, his face was just a few inches from my own.  
“I can’t think of anyone else either.”  
I smiled and then he leaned in the rest of the way, our lips meeting.   
“Whoa, whoa,” Alicia said walking out to where we were. We stopped and looked at her. “I was wondering when they two of you were going to get together. It’s sad it took the end of the world.”  
I smiled. “The timing was never right before.”  
Nick laughed, and Alicia sat down by me.  
“You wanna know what the most underrated perk of the apocalypse is?” he asked.  
“Yeah,” Alicia said.  
“No planes. No noise pollution. No smog. Just stars.”  
“Yep, well, we definitely stopped the climate crisis. Awesome.”  
I laughed.  
“Why are you up?” Nick asked.  
“I drank too much wine. My minds racing. How about you?”  
“I just haven’t fallen asleep yet. But I suspect it will be any time now,” I said and then a yawn hit me.  
“Nick?” Alicia asked.  
“It’s these kids, man,” he said shaking his head. “They have seen more than their share, you know? Like, what they’re living in now and what they’re gonna live in, like, it’s…I don’t know. Things are never just gonna be…normal for them, you know? It’s…not fair.”  
I ran my hand along Nick’s leg that was resting on my lap, comforting him.  
“I mean, at least they’re prepared,” Alicia said.  
“Yeah, they’re prepared like it’s the end times,” he responded.  
“Isn’t it?”   
“No, Alicia, it’s not the Rapture.”  
She looked up at the stars.  
“Something is off here,” he said shaking his head again.   
“Everything’s off,” Alicia said. “Everywhere.”  
She stayed out there until she said she was tired and then retreated inside.  
“If you knew I liked you,” I began not able to let it go and trying to distract him at the same time. “Why didn’t we ever get together before?” I asked.  
He sighed and then looked at me. “Because I knew you deserved someone better than a junkie.”  
“Nick, please, I’m a junkie.”  
“You are a pill head. I am a junkie. I didn’t want to bring you into that and drag you down with me. I cared about you too much to do that to you. So, I thought friendship was better.”  
“And now?”  
“Now…everything has changed.”  
I bit my lip, a classic sign that I have more to say but I was holding it in. A sign he knew all too well.  
“What?” he asked, eyeing me like a cat again.  
“Before, it felt like tomorrow was given. It was always going to happen. There would always be more chances. But now…who knows if tomorrow is coming…and that is making me… bolder.”  
“Really?” he asked, missing nothing.  
“I want you, Nick…and I want you to know that. I can’t hold in what I feel for you any longer and I don’t want to.”  
“Come here,” he said spreading his arms out.  
I laid on him and he wrapped me in a hug.  
“I don’t want you to either,” he said and then he kissed the top of my head.  
I felt so warm and so safe as I finally drifted off to sleep.

~*~

The next day began almost normal, wake up, go to the bathroom, breakfast, the fact we were on a boat hardly even registered until I was back outside staring at the ocean. Man, it was beautiful. Nick came over and sat by me.  
“How’d you sleep?”  
“Wonderful. You?”  
“Same,” he said and then he took a sip of coffee, pulling a book from his pocket.  
We sat there in silence. Not uncomfortable, not at all. He read, and I meditated a bit and then watched the water.  
“Hey,” Travis said. “Have you guys seen Chris?”  
I shook my head.   
“No,” Nick said turning and looking at Travis who sighed.  
“Can’t have got far, though, right?” Travis looked towards the ocean. “He didn’t go that way,” Nick said after a moment. “He’s on the boat. Or on land.”  
“I looked over the boat,” Travis said.  
“Then he’s onshore. You want us to help you find him?”  
“No, I’ll go.”  
“Okay. Hey, Travis, I can help if you want, though. I know at-risk youths. I am at-risk youths,” Nick called.  
I laughed, and Travis left the boat. Nick went back to his book and I leaned on him. “You wanna go explore or something?”  
“Yeah, I do,” he said getting up and then pulling me to my feet.   
We walked on land and went straight for the house. “Snooping isn’t what I had in mind,” I said.  
“I have to, I have to figure this thing out.”  
I nodded, knowing his hunches often led to something. We went inside and then upstairs. The first stop was the bathroom medicine cabinet.   
“Anything?”  
“No…” he said after he had searched through everything. “Vitamins, antibiotics, nothing abnormal.”  
Next, we went to George’s study. We looked through several things and then Nick picked up a small globe on a stand. The world twisted and then opened up.  
“Score,” he said.  
Inside was a baggie with a dozen or so green and yellow capsules. Before I could ask about them, Willa, Harry’s sister, walked in.  
“Hi Nick, hi Lexi,” she said with a smile.  
“Hey!” Nick said with a big smile. “Willa. Where is everybody?” he asked quickly stuffing the pills back in the globe, putting it back together and then replacing it where he found it.  
“Come draw with me,” she said.   
“Oh, I can’t draw,” Nick said. “No, no, no.”  
“Draw,” she insisted.  
“I love drawing,” I said with a smile. “Let’s do it.”  
“Only if Nick comes too,” she said reaching for his hand after she took mine.  
“Alright, come on,” he said. “What should we draw?”  
She led us to the room she shared with Harry, sitting down at a small table. Nick and I sat on the floor. I began drawing, instantly. I loved coloring.   
“This is for you,” I said when my picture was done.   
“Thank you,” Willa said with a smile.   
It was of the ocean, there were dolphins and fluffy clouds, a rainbow, a small sailboat in the distance.  
“I love it!” she said.  
Nick tried to draw, but it really didn’t look like anything. “I told you I’m no good at this,” he said with a laugh.  
When Willa was called for lunch, we went back to the boat. Travis and Madison were in the living room when we walked in.   
“What’s wrong?” Madison asked walking over.  
“I think this asshole’s planning on Jonestowning his whole family,” Nick said.  
“What?” Travis asked.  
“I found pills in his office. I think it’s poison.”  
“Well how do you know?” he asked.  
“I know my pharmaceuticals. And I know pill heads. Those people are not that. And those pills are not recreational.”  
Madison and Travis shared a look.  
“We have to take them,” Madison said.  
“Take them?” I asked.  
“Melissa has asked us to take Willa and Harry.”  
“But what about what Victor said?” I asked.  
“You want us to leave them?” Travis asked.  
“I’m just asking,” I said. “If he decides to, he can kick us all off and then what?”  
“I’m not having this discussion,” Madison said walking out. Travis followed her and then Nick took my hand, pulling me along with him.  
The four of us went to the house and sat in the little dining room. Melissa came down the stairs.  
“They’ll be right down,” she said walking over and handing little suitcases to Travis.  
“Do they understand?” Madison asked.  
“Um, I told them they were going on a boat ride. They’d be back in a couple of days. I think they’re excited about it.”  
I shook my head, lying to children wasn’t something I agreed with. Taking them under false pretenses, I liked even less.  
Melissa was getting upset and Madison grabbed her hand. “We’ll take care of them, I promise you. We’ll keep them safe.”  
Melissa nodded. “This, this is Harry’s,” she said handing Madison a slingshot. “He gets scared at night. He pretends not to, but he ends up crawling into his sister’s bed,” she explained.   
“It’s okay,” Madison said.  
“We’ve been trying to discourage him from that, but I think it’s okay, you know? If he does that, it’s okay. And Willa, her hair is…she has this hair, she’ll cry if you comb it, so just wait till you shampoo and put conditioner in it and then it’ll be a lot easier.”  
Just then George walked in. “What’s going on?”  
“Hey George,” Travis said sitting down the suitcases.   
“What is this? Melissa?”  
“George,” Travis repeated.  
“Why?” he asked backing away. “Why?”  
“Listen to me,” Melissa said walking over to him. “I love you. I love our family. But we have to give them a chance. I can’t look at them every day and see nothing for them, I just can’t.”  
“Mama?” Harry asked coming down the stairs.  
“What sweetie? What’s wrong?” she asked looking over at him and he motioned her over. “What? Tell me. Tell Mommy. It’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”  
Harry looked at George for a long moment and then back to his mother. “Something’s wrong with Willa.”  
“Stay here,” Melissa said. “Don’t move, Harry. Stay right there,” she said moving him aside, so she could go up the stairs.  
George followed close behind and then Nick went over to Harry, he knelt down in front of him, taking his hand. “What happened buddy?”  
“She took her pill.”  
Nick looked back at us, alarm on his face and then Madison and Travis went upstairs, we waited a few moments and then they came right back.  
“We have to go, now,” Madison said coming back down the stairs.  
Nick picked up Harry, while Travis grabbed his suitcase and then we all fled the house. Running down the stairs and out to the dock to the boat.  
“What happened?” Daniel asked.  
“They turned,” Travis said. “We’re taking the boy with us.”  
We boarded the boat. Harry was upset, saying he wanted his parents and Madison was trying to soothe him.   
“What happened to Willa?” he asked.  
“She got sick alright?” Nick said calmly. “Come on, let’s go inside.”  
I walked into the living room, Alicia and Ofelia sat on the couch and then Victor walked down the stairs.  
“Madison what have you done now?” he asked his booming voice filling the room.  
“We’re taking him with us,” she said. “We have room.”  
“Put him back where you found him,” he said pointing at Harry.  
“We have room,” Madison repeated.  
Nick sat down and wrapped a protective arm around Harry.  
“We do not. Children are the definition of deadweight.”  
“You’re not doing this again,” she said walking over to him and lowering her voice. “You don’t decide who lives and who dies.”  
“That’s exactly what I do.”  
“There’s no debate. We’re doing this. Now move the goddamn boat.”  
Suddenly a gunshot rang out and we all turned to where it had come from. Seth, the oldest kid, had a rifle and now he was on the boat with us.  
“Stop!” he yelled.  
Travis went outside but Seth pointed the gun at him.   
“Get back! Get back!” he said as he made his way inside.  
Travis held up his hands and backed off.  
“Harry! Harry, come here. I’m taking you home.”  
“No, no,” Madison said stepping forward which prompted Seth to point the gun at her.  
“There’s no home anymore,” Travis said.  
“Shut up,” Seth said pointing the gun at him again.  
“You don’t know what’s back there,” Travis said.  
“Shut up!” Seth shouted.   
“Listen to me.”  
“I know what’s there,” Seth yelled. “It’s our home. This is still our home.”  
“Seth, your dad doesn’t want this anymore. He told us to take care of him.”  
“My father told me what he wants. He taught me.”  
“But he changed his mind.”  
“No, I don’t believe you.”  
“Come with us, Seth,” Madison said. “Please. Daniel don’t.”  
Daniel had taken out a handgun and was now pointing it at Seth.  
“I can get at least one of you guys,” he said looking around at us, his eyes frantic. “Maybe more. Is that what you want? Hmm? Just let us go home. Just let us go.” He paused. “Harry, come here. Come on.”  
Nick whispered something to Harry and then let him go. Harry walked over and grabbed onto his brother. “You caused this,” he said pointing the gun at Madison.   
Seth and Harry left the boat and walked into the boardwalk. Stumbling over was Melissa, who was now an infected.   
The boat began pulling away.  
“Mama?” Harry said.  
“Can’t you do something?” Ofelia asked her dad.  
“The kid has a rifle,” he said.  
Seth told Harry something and then Harry looked at us, waving, while Seth faced what once was his mom. He pointed the gun at her.  
“Oh, Chris, don’t look,” Alicia said.  
He didn’t listen, but Alicia turned away. Madison waved at Harry and a moment later, Seth shot his mother. Tears clouded my vision as I turned away, this is what it was going to be like from now on wasn’t it? None of it made any sense. I didn’t like it.   
I had thought about an apocalypse before of course, I mean we had been preparing for something right? But in every scenario, I concocted, this was never how it went. This world was cruel. I would have to be just as cruel to survive, wouldn’t I? Was it worth it? I wasn’t sure.

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful except Nick took a shower and put of fresh clothes. He, like me, didn’t bathe as often as most people but sometimes, he’d really push it. That night we curled up together in a bed and slept like babies. In the morning the boat was stopped. Apparently, the filter was clogged, and we couldn’t go anywhere until it was fixed. Travis was working on it. Nick and I were outside with Chris, getting ready to go fishing.  
“Do you even know how to fish?” Chris asked.  
“I mean, I know the basics, I guess. Though my dad always put the worm on the hook for me. Other than that, cast, reel, bobby thingy, I got this,” I said with a smile.  
“You never talk about your dad,” Chris observed.  
“To be fair I never talk about any of my family, mostly because they’re all assholes. But there is just something about people when they die…you stop bringing them up,” I said looking away.  
“I’m sorry,” he said.  
“It’s fine,” I said looking back. “It was a long time ago.”  
“Mom? Mom,” Alicia called as she ran over with a pair of binoculars.  
“I know you’re not running on my deck,” Victor said handing us the fishing poles.  
“Jesus, seriously?” Alicia asked.  
“What’s wrong?” Madison asked walking outside. “What is it?”  
“Look, over there,” she said pointing.  
“Do you see it?”  
“Is that…?”  
“Suitcases. A lot of luggage,” Alicia said.  
“Holy shit,” Madison replied. “Where did that wash up from?”  
Nick took the binoculars to have a look.  
“We need supplies.”  
“Alicia, no.”  
“I’ve been watching. There’s no one there. No infected. All that stuff is just lying there.”  
“There’s infected in the water.”  
“We’re not gonna swim,” Alicia said.   
“It’s a yard sale,” Nick said. “I’ll go.”  
A chance to get off the boat, I thought with a grin. “I’m in,” I said standing up.  
“I’m with you,” Chris said.  
“Wait,” Madison said.  
“If they’re going, I’m going,” Alicia said.  
“No, listen to me, all of you,” Madison said annoyed. “Look, if anything were to happen to you…”  
“Anything did happen,” Alicia said cutting her off. “We’re all in it. We’ve seen and done…”  
“I know,” she said looking at her daughter.  
“So, stop putting us at the kids’ table.”  
“I’ll watch her,” Chris said looking over at Madison.  
“You’re gonna get slapped,” Alicia said looking at Chris as Daniel walked out there with us.  
“Mom, we need more clothes. We need more meds,” Nick said turning to face her. “We need more everything.”  
“Valid,” Victor said.  
“So, we go while Travis fixes the engine. We get what we can. We come straight back,” he said, satisfied with the plan, he walked off.  
“What’s going on?” Travis asked walking out.  
“Dad, we’re going to shore,” Chris said.  
“Like hell you are,” he responded taking the binoculars that Victor offered.  
“We’re not asking for permission,” Alicia said.  
“Excuse me?”  
“Yeah, hold on,” Madison said.  
“I’ll take them,” Daniel said. “The girl is right. We’re wasting time. Anything goes wrong, we’ll come back quickly.”  
Madison and Travis didn’t like it, but they were outnumbered, and we needed the supplies. So, the raft was taken out of the garage and bags were loaded into it as well as other things we would need.   
“Okay, get in, get out,” Travis said. “Look for sealed pills, clothes, canned food, and size thirteen sneakers if you see them.”  
“It’s on the list,” Ofelia said. “Hey if you see anything that’s not completely awful…”  
“I got you,” Nick said taking the paper out of her hand as he went by.  
“Alicia I can’t do geriatric chic,” Ofelia said.  
“What’s wrong with geriatric chic?” Nick asked.  
“Relax,” Alicia said. “I got you.”  
“Get warm clothes too, okay,” Madison asked. “Jackets, sweaters, it’s cold out there, on the water.”  
We got into the raft and soon we were off, heading for land. We worked together to pull the raft up on the land and then each grabbed a bag, heading for the luggage. There were remnants of a plane and dead bodies scattered about.  
“Okay,” Daniel said. “Let’s be quick. Everyone where I can see you. Fill your bags, come back. Alicia, Nick, and Chris walked off, but I stayed and began going through the bags that were right there. We had already passed so many. I tried to be as efficient as I could. Not taking too long to look at the items. If it would keep someone warm, I put it in my bag. If it was medicine, I put it in my bag. I hadn’t found any food…ooh! A chocolate bar! Dibs. Once I was done with this area, I went off in search of more and then the process began again. Socks, nice. Shoes, not size thirteen but maybe they would fit someone else. In the next area, Daniel was there.  
“Hey, find anything good?’  
“Some clothes,” he responded.  
“How’s Ofelia doing?”  
“She’s okay.”  
“Here,” I said handing him a bottle of antibiotics I had found.   
“Thank you,” he said.  
I smiled. “I got your back.”  
“Why?” he asked.  
I shrugged. “It’s in my nature to be helpful. If we were at my house, I’d make her some herbal tea and perhaps an ointment. This is the best I can do right now. As far as I’m concerned, you guys are my people and we should stick together.”  
He smiled at me with his eyes. “I won’t forget this.”  
I nodded and then Nick walked over.  
“Hey, I got something for you and I really think it will bring out your eyes,” he said holding up a long sleeve blue shirt to Daniel.  
“It’s bad luck to steal from the dead. Shouldn’t joke about it.”  
“You get anything good?” I asked.  
“Some clothes, a knife. You?”  
I smiled. “Maybe.”  
“Where’s Chris?” Daniel asked standing up.  
“I don’t know,” Nick said.  
“Stay here,” he said to Nick and then he walked away, calling for Chris.  
“So, what’d you get?” he asked.  
“Chocolate,” I said.  
“Of course.”  
“I’m going to check some other bags and then I’m heading back to the raft.”  
“Alright, I’ll see you there.”  
I made it through several more bags, finding some good stuff and then I headed for the raft. Once my bag was safely tucked away on the little boat, I looked through the bags in that area that I missed on the first go-round. A gunshot rang out and my head snapped up. I ran up the slope, grabbing a long piece of plane wreckage and got to the others, the dead were stumbling over.  
“Come on!” I yelled. “Let’s go!”  
“Lexi! Where’s Nick?” asked Alicia.  
“I don’t know!”  
I bashed in heads as I went, but soon there were too many and we were backed up on a cliff with nowhere to go. I noticed as girl I didn’t know was with them as well. We kept hitting them in their heads. What else could we do? It was do or die. They were coming in closer; my heart was beating so fast as I tried to find a solution. Suddenly the one Alicia was holding back fell onto the ground. Nick stood there, blood all over his face and down the front of the white Captain’s shirt he had put on earlier. He hit several of them, clearing a path for us and we ran, ran like we had never ran before, to the raft. We had to get out of here. Now.  
They put their stuff in the raft. Alicia was checking out Nick and then they were hugging. All of us grabbed the raft and moved it to the water.  
“We need to make a stop,” the girl said.  
Daniel maneuvered the raft over to where the girl said and then we attached her raft to ours. Her raft had a boy in it, and he looked bad. His face was gross and oozing. When we made it back to the Abagail, Madison was right there, waiting for us.  
“Are you hurt?” She asked as she reached out for Alicia. “What happened?”  
“I don’t know exactly.”  
“What happened?” Madison asked again, helping the rest of us up on the boat.  
“I’m sorry,” Chris said shaking his head as Travis held onto his shoulders. “I didn’t…”  
“We got separated,” Daniel said. “I almost lost the kids.”  
“You brought them back,” Madison said reassuringly.   
Alicia helped the girl onto the boat.  
“No,” Strand said.  
“They’re dehydrated,” Alicia said.  
“I don’t care. There’s no room. Not here. Not where we’re going.”  
“We don’t know where we’re going,” Alicia shot back. “Mom?”  
“Yes, we do. We’re going to Mexico.”  
I helped Nick onto the boat as the others looked around in silence.  
“Strand has a place there,” Madison continued. “There’s food, power, water. It’s close. Baja. He’s invited us to stay till things clear.”  
“Things will never clear,” Nick said.  
“Then we make it our home,” Madison said.  
“We don’t know that it’s safer down there than anywhere else…” Ofelia said.  
“We’re going to find out.”  
“How do we know it’s what he says it is?” Alicia asked.  
“It is what I say it is,” Victor said.  
“Okay, why didn’t this come up before?” Ofelia asked. “Why are we just hearing about this now?”  
“Because it’s necessary now,” Travis said stepping in. “We can’t stay on the water forever. Madison’s right. We made our decision. We have our destination.”  
Silence fell over everyone again.  
“And what about them?” Alicia asked.  
“They’re a liability,” Victor said. “The boy’s sick. He’ll turn.”  
“He’ll turn if we don’t help him,” Alicia said.  
“Madison, please,” Victor hissed.  
“Fine, fine, fine,” Alicia said frustrated. “They won’t come to Mexico. They just need some medicine and a place to stay for the night.”  
Madison put her hands on Alicia’s arms, trying to calm her down.  
“Look at him!” She shouted. “He’s dying!”  
Madison was at a loss for words.  
“Are you people really debating this?” the girl asked.  
“We can tow them,” Travis suggested. “We can tow them, to San Diego. In their raft.”  
“Travis, what part of what I’m saying…” Victor began but Travis cut him off.  
“They don’t come on the boat, okay?” he yelled. “We’re safe. They get a chance.”  
“Victor,” Madison said pleading with him.   
He said nothing but walked away. I walked up the stairs to the deck, the tension was killing me.   
“We can give you food, water,” Travis said and after a long moment I heard him say ‘okay’.   
Alicia carried a container of water, Madison had two blankets, the girl had some food and she got back in her raft as the supplies were loaded. And then the boat was moving once more, their little raft being tugged along with us. I put my bag in the living room and then I went to find Nick. While looking for him, we bumped into each other in one of those tiny hallways.  
“There you are!” I said grabbing him and pulling him close. “What happened out there?”  
He looked at me for a long moment and then he took my hand, leading me to the bedroom we had been using.  
“There was an infected stuck in the sand, crabs were eating him. It was really gross. I fell in there and stabbed it in the head. Before I could get out, another one fell in with me. When I killed it, I got covered in its blood…after that, all the others I encountered didn’t care. It was as if…I was invisible. I could walk among them,” he said, his gaze far off.   
“That’s how you were able to reach us.”  
He nodded. There was something going on behind his eyes, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. “You stink man.”  
His eyes found mine. “Yeah, I do.”  
“Shower?” I asked.  
“Are you asking me to get one, or are you asking me to get one with you?” he asked.   
I bit my lip.  
“Really?” he asked with a grin.   
I had always been a strict ‘I bathe alone or not at all’ type.   
“Why not?” I asked.  
He stood up and held out his hand. “Let’s go.”

~*~

I was getting ready to go to sleep when Nick walked into the room.  
“I wanted to let you know, Strand has asked me to go to the shore.”  
“By yourself?”  
“Yeah, I’m supposed to find someone who is going to get us into Mexico.”  
“No.”  
“Yes. I’ll be back in no time.”  
“You can’t leave us Nick…”  
“I’m coming right back. Besides, I’m a Slytherin,” he said with a grin.  
“We all know you’re a Hufflepuff.”  
“Not according to that quiz, you made me take, besides, you said so yourself, I’m a Slytherin, just like you, because of my resourcefulness.”  
“Yeah, yeah.” I didn’t want him to go. “I’ll go with you.”  
“I have to swim to shore, naked.”  
“Oh, well, then, I’ll see you when you get back.”  
He smiled at me and I hugged him, then, he kissed me. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

~*~

I woke up to shouting, I wasn’t sure it was real or a dream I was having and so I laid there for a minute.  
“Dad!”  
I jumped out of bed and shoved my feet into my shoes. Chris was yelling, and he sounded pretty freaked out. I flung the bedroom door open.  
“What’s happening?” Alicia asked.  
“I don’t know,” I said, not waiting and then I was walking quickly down the hall and then up to the living room.   
There were people on the boat, three of them. Two guys and a pregnant lady.  
“Please, we’re…we’re good people,” one guy said.  
“Bullshit,” I said walking over. “Shoot them.”  
“Please, we have nowhere else to go.”  
“Welcome to the end of the world. Now get the fuck off the boat,” I said.  
“Lexi,” Travis said.  
“Travis,” I replied using the same tone.  
“What happened before your engine cut out?” Travis asked ignoring me.  
The guy began to explain and then Alicia walked over. “Jack?” she asked.  
“What did you do?” Daniel asked looking at her.  
“Madison?” Travis asked looking at Alicia and when he turned back, Jack punched him in the face.  
One by one, we were taken out and tied up. Since I didn’t have a gun, there wasn’t much I could do.   
“Jack?” Alicia said again. “Don’t, please.”  
“He’s doing his job,” said the guy who claimed he was a good person but was now holding a rifle and looking down at us.   
“Why are you doing this?” Alicia asked.  
“You can circumnavigate the world from this ship. She’s a prize.”  
“You’re making a mistake,” Travis said from the floor.  
“No, I think your son made the mistake,” he said. “Should I shoot them? Piece of advice, if you have to ask the question, somebody should already be dead,” he said looking at Chris.  
Jack tied up Ofelia and then me.  
“Daniel’s next. Your girl can help you,” the guy said to Jack.  
“I’m not doing shit,” Alicia said.  
He leaned forward. “We can bind them; we can shoot them. No skin off my nose.”  
Alicia took a moment and then walked forward to help.  
“Kip, check the rest of the boat. Look for the captain and Nick,” the guy said.  
“How do they know our names?” Daniel asked Alicia.  
“I don’t know, Daniel,” Alicia said. “I didn’t…I didn’t tell them about that.”  
Suddenly we could hear splashing and the guy with the gun went to look. Jack jumped up, grabbing Alicia’s hand and pulling her along. After a moment we heard two gunshots.   
Strand had abandoned us, the guy with the rifle shot at the raft. When they came back inside Jack bound Alicia’s hands behind her back, sitting her down by me.   
We were still sitting there after the sun had come up. The guy with the rifle, Reed, walked over to Ofelia.  
“Is that a gunshot wound?” he asked as he grabbed onto her shoulder. She winced. “’Who has the key to the boat?”  
“I don’t know,” Alicia said.  
He no longer had the rifle, now he held a handgun. “You gonna start lying now?”  
“You leave her alone,” Chris said.  
“Hey,” Ofelia said. “That guy you shot, genius, was the one with the key. You shot our captain.”  
He looked at Chris. “That true?”  
Chris just looked at him with hatred in his eyes and after a moment Reed hit Chris in the face with the gun. I jumped.  
“Hey, keep your goddamn hands…” Travis started but stopped when Reed pointing the gun at Chris’ head.  
“Get back,” he said.   
“Don’t, don’t, don’t hurt him,” Travis pleaded.  
“I’m going to give you to the count of five, to tell me where the key to the boat is. One.”  
“He doesn’t have it,” Travis said.  
“Who does? Two.”  
“Please just stop, okay? Come on, man,” Travis said.   
He pulled back on the gun, it clicked. It was ready to be fired and then he pointed it back to Chris’ head. “Three.”  
“Strand,” Travis said. “Like she said, Strand, our captain, he has the keys. Hey!”   
Reed pinned Chris down by his neck and pressed the gun right against his forehead.  
“Dad! Dad!”  
“Four.”  
“You just, you don’t need the keys, okay? I can start the boat without the keys,” Travis said. “I can wire the boat. Just…let my son go.”  
He paused, like he was thinking and then he removed the gun and pat Chris on his cheek.  
Just then the pregnant lady, Kip, entered the room with Madison, whose hands were bound in front of her, and she had blood running down her face, and Kip was pointing a gun at her.   
“Everything under control?” she asked.  
“Mom,” Alicia said.  
“Maddy?” Travis asked.  
“I’m okay, Travis,” she said as she groaned when she was pushed to the floor. “Where’s Nick?”  
“He wasn’t there when I woke up,” Alicia said and then they both looked at me.   
“He’s okay, he’ll be back later.”  
“Later? Where is he? I heard gunshots.”  
“Strand abandoned the ship,” Daniel said. “They shot at him.”  
“Was he hit?”  
“We don’t know.”  
“Where is my son Lexi?”  
“Let it go for now Madison.”  
She gave me a look that said she wasn’t going to let it go.  
“Strand yanked out the wheelhouse radio. No one else is here,” Jack said walking into the room.   
“Well, Travis here just bet his son’s life that he can start the boat without a key. So…watch them. Find the spare radio. Reach out to Conner. Oh, and take your princess with you.”  
“No, no, no,” Madison said getting to her feet. “She stays, she stays.”  
“Mom, don’t,” Alicia said walking over. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I brought this on us. I can make it better. I trust him.”  
Madison looked at Alicia but said nothing. “Alright, come on, let’s go,” Jack said and then they walked out of the room.  
I had been wracking my brain, looking for a way out of this.   
“You tell me where he is Lexi,” Madison hissed.  
I sighed. “Strand sent him on a mission last night, he went to shore, and he’ll be back soon. That’s all I know.”  
“How could you let him go?”  
“Let him? He does what he wants, you know that.”  
She sighed, annoyed. “There’s only three of them. Can you get loose?” she asked Daniel.  
“Keep her distracted,” he replied.  
Reed walked down the stairs with Travis, who was being held at gunpoint. “Looking for your girl?” he asked Chris.  
“Let’s just fix the engine, huh?” Travis asked.  
“She’s my sister,” Chris said.  
“You’re doing your sister?” Reed asked. “Ooh, that’s pretty twisted, man.”  
“I should have the boat running in about an hour,” Travis said.  
“You don’t have an hour. Thirty minutes, tops,” Reed said as the door to the engine room opened and they descended a staircase.  
“Chris, he’s trying to piss you off,” I said. “Ignore it.”  
“Good luck with that,” said Vida from the bar. Despite her large stomach she sat there, with a glass of whiskey.  
“When are you due?” Madison asked.  
“Don’t know. Lost track.”  
“Well, if you were counting before all this, you’re still counting.”  
“Four weeks,” she said after a long pause.  
“Oh, any day now.”  
“Doctor says first one always runs to term,” she said walking over.   
“True. That’s true. Usually.”  
“And then some.”  
“They say the first is the hardest. Second pregnancy’s worse in ways.”  
“Yeah?” Vida asked.  
“You know the pain at any moment is less than what’s coming. You know any potential complications. Might have been through some. And you know the moment that tiny thing comes into the world, you’re weaker because you would die for him.”  
“Right now, I just want her the hell out of me.”  
“It’s a girl? Picked any names?”  
“What is this, my shower?” she asked annoyed.  
“I know lots of great girl names,” I said. “Lorelai, Aimee, Emily, Teresa, Destiny, Hope, Chelsea, Emery, Amelia…” Kip looked bored but said nothing. “Daisy, Jasmine, Petunia, Lily. I don’t like Rose myself, but some people do. Aspen, Willow, Sage, Luna, Hermione, Lavender, Scarlet might be a little bold but…”  
“Are you close?” Madison whispered.  
“A little more time,” Daniel whispered back.  
“Indigo,” I said with a smile. “Minerva, Diana, Artemis, Xena, Gabrielle, I like Kris for a girl, or Taylor. Belle, Ariel, Cinderella might be pushing it, but hey, she’s your kid. You could name her something really out there like Daenerys, or Khaleesi, I mean it’s a whole new world.”  
The glass she was carrying made a noise as she bumped it against a table.  
“One drink won’t hurt her once in a while,” Madison said.   
“I just like the smell.”  
“Good for you. Wish I could say the same. When’s the last time you felt her move?”  
“I’m on the go a lot. I barely notice.”  
“I lost one between Nick and Alicia. One week her heart was beating…bap, bap, bap, bap. Too fast to count. Next checkup,” Madison said looking outside and shaking her head. “It just stopped.”  
“I’m healthy,” she said. “My kid’s healthy.”  
“Taking prenatal vitamins?”  
“As if I’m gonna find any.”  
“When exactly was the last time you felt her move?” Madison asked looking over at her.  
“Shut up.”  
“If she died, she may have turned.”  
“She’d feel that, though, wouldn’t she?” asked Ofelia. “I mean if, that thing was moving inside of her, she would have probably felt that.”  
“I said shut the hell up,” she said more aggressively walking over and pointing her gun at Ofelia.  
“Hey, hey, hey, hey,” Daniel said.   
She went over to Madison and put the gun under her chin, forcing Madison to look up at her. “I’ll shoot you and I’ll toss you overboard. Don’t tempt me.”  
“Problem?” Reed asked as he and Travis re-entered the room.  
“She’s just trying to get a rise out of me.”  
“Trying to? Sit down,” Reed said.  
“What will you do if she’s stillborn, Vida?” Madison asked.  
“Bitch.”  
“What if she’s born dead?” Madison asked and then she got a fist in her face.  
“Hey!” Reed said walking over, putting his hand on Vida’s arm but she shook him off. “Conner might need her.”  
He pushed her away and then went back to Travis, but he looked back at us. “They still gone? Damn! My man’s got some stamina.”  
“Enough with the boy,” Daniel said.  
“You want me to start this engine or what?” Travis asked.  
They walked out of the room and then up the stairs back to Strand’s office.  
“A boat is coming this way,” I whispered.  
Madison looked out and then Jack and Alicia returned.  
A few minutes later more strangers got onto the boat.   
“This is a gorgeous vessel.”  
“Finally,” Vida said.  
We were looking at the newcomers, they were armed, what was going to happen now?  
“What happened?” he asked walking closer to Madison.   
“She hit her head,” Vida said.  
“You couldn’t clean her up? Jesus guys, come on.”  
Reed returned with Travis in tow. “This is the one who started the boat.”  
“Travis,” said the new guy. “You and Alicia come with us.”  
“And my family?” Travis asked.  
“We only need the two of you.”  
Reed began pushing Travis to the open doors, but Madison stood up. “Wait, what are you talking about?”  
“Whoa, whoa, hey,” Travis said. “What are you gonna do?” he asked as he was forced to his knees and a gun pressed against his neck.  
“Wait, no, Travis,” Madison said as she was pushed back into a seated position.   
“You’ll get them a boat, right?” Alicia asked Jack.  
“Yeah, they’ll get them to shore,” he said.  
The guy nodded. “Fair enough.”  
“Travis,” Madison said.  
“It’s okay Maddy. I’ll bring her back,” he said and then a black hood was placed over his head.  
“Dad, Dad, please,” Chris begged. “Dad.”  
“Stay with Maddy, Chris,” he said though his voice was muffled from the bag.  
Jack placed a bag over Alicia’s head. Travis grunted as he was picked up from the floor.  
“Dad,” Chris said again.  
I couldn’t believe this was really happening right now. I couldn’t believe I was so powerless.  
Travis and Alicia were escorted out of the room and then off the boat.  
Everyone left the boat except for Reed and the two people who had guns that arrived with that other guy, who I’m guessing was Conner. The engine of the other boat started up and Madison stood once more. The boat was leaving, there was nothing she could do and so she sat back down. Reed picked up Vida’s drink and drank it all in one gulp.  
“Conner hasn’t quite adapted to this world,” Reed said. “He’s got leadership skills, holds us all together,” he said pouring himself another drink. Big heart, strong mind,” he paused taking a sip. “Weak stomach.”  
“Put us on the launch,” Madison said. “We’ll go to shore.” Reed looked over at her, clearly that wasn’t his plan. “You can take the Abagail.”  
“The thing is, the launch goes with this yacht, doesn’t it?” he asked getting up and walking over.  
“We’ll swim to shore,” Madison said. “Just let us.”  
“What if you want your boat back? I don’t like that ending.”  
“Shh,” the guy who stood in the doorway said.  
“Excuse me?” Reed asked.   
“Incoming.”  
He and the girl walked outside.  
“Did Conner come back?” Reed asked.  
“Looks like two,” she said looking through the scope of her rifle.  
A gunshot rang out and she fell on the floor, dead. A moment later, the guy was dead too.   
“What?” Reed asked seeming scared for the first time. “Damn it,” he said going for the doors.  
As he did Daniel broke free and grabbed the shotgun from him. Ofelia stood up and pushed him to the doors, holding him there. Madison sprang up, grabbing something from behind the cushion of the chair and she stabbed Reed in the side. It went all the way through. He cried out in pain. Chris grabbed him and pushed him back to the opposite wall, his hands now free as well.   
“Chris don’t!” Madison yelled.  
Daniel came over and cut my hands free, and then he handed Madison a gun. She went outside, ready to shoot. Daniel then turned and cut Ofelia free.  
It was Nick! He was back, and he boarded the boat.  
‘Mom. Hey,” he said.  
“Nick, where were you?” Madison asked.  
A man came up onto the boat with a large gun and he pointed it at Daniel.  
“Hey drop it!” Daniel said.  
“Where’s Victor?” the man asked not backing down.  
“Drop it!” Daniel said again.  
“Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, he’s okay,” Nick said holding up his hands to Daniel. “He’s okay. He’s a friend. He helped. Strand sent me to get Luis, okay? He’s gonna help us get into Mexico.”  
“I was getting Strand into Mexico,” Luis said.  
“He left when they boarded,” Madison said as Nick cut her hands free. “When they tried to take the Abagail.”  
“Victor escaped?”   
“They shot at his raft,” Madison said as Nick hugged her. “He went down. I have to go after Travis. I have to find Alicia.”  
“We do not cross the border without him,” Luis said.  
“We don’t need Strand,” Daniel replied.  
“Well he didn’t need you either, but here you are. Without Strand, we don’t get into Mexico.”  
Nick was holding Madison, his arm wrapped around her from behind. She grabbed onto him.   
We had to find Victor. Madison went out on the raft to see if she could spot him anywhere nearby and Daniel took Reed to a bedroom where we could keep him tied up.  
Nick came over to me. “I’m so sorry,” he said as I clasped onto him, the tears I had been holding back releasing. I shook my head, frustrated. Nick and I went over and sat on the outside couch.  
“Tell me about your night,” I said wanting a distraction as I lit a happy stick.  
His night was pretty uneventful, Luis was right where he was supposed to be. Nick had been covered in blood to blend in and Luis wouldn’t let him in his fancy car while he was dirty, so he was forced to take a shower and then the two of them made their way to the boat.  
Madison returned with Victor, he was so cold, but he was alive. Daniel came back to where we were.  
“Where’s Chris?” Madison said when she and Victor walked onto the boat.  
“He’s keeping an eye on Reed,” Daniel replied.  
I stood up. “From now on, I want a gun.”  
Daniel handed me a handgun. “You know how to use it?”  
I pressed the button and ejected the magazine, counted the bullets and then put it back, chambered a round and then flicked the safety off. “Yeah.”  
He nodded, approvingly. “Good.”  
We helped get Victor upstairs to his office, gave him dry clothes and we made him a bed and then covered him up with lots of blankets. Madison gave him something hot to drink.  
“You know,” I said. “The best way to warm someone up is to strip off all their clothes and warm them up skin to skin.”  
Victor smiled. “You offering?”  
“I’m willing to take one for the team,” I said with a smile.  
“This is fine,” Madison cut in.  
“Okay,” I said holding up my hands.  
Nick smiled at me as I passed and then I headed down the stairs. I passed Daniel at the bottom. “How’s our guest?” I asked.  
“Alive,” he said.  
“Oh, that’s too bad.”  
“He can be used as leverage to get the others back.”  
“I know, it’s just…”  
He patted me on the shoulder and then we went our separate ways. 

Nick and I sat at the dining room table. We were on weapons duty. All the guns were on the table and we were filling them up. Now that Daniel had gotten the information he needed from Reed, we were heading north to get Alicia and Travis.   
Madison came down the stairs. “Don’t pull that shit again,” she said angry.  
“Strand said it couldn’t wait,” Nick replied.  
“Then Strand should have gone. Nick, what were you thinking?”  
“I,” he said shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t mind it out there. Honestly.  
“We have enough problems,” she said lowering her voice. “Please don’t add to them.”  
“Okay.”  
“Don’t worry me like that, Nick.”  
“I’m sorry,” he said looking at her for the first time, her face was close to his.   
“Never again, promise.”  
He looked at her for a few moments but said nothing and then he returned his attention back to the guns.  
“You’re getting comfortable with that.”  
He sat a fully loaded handgun on the table. “I’m not.”  
Madison kind of rolled her eyes and then walked away.  
“We’re done,” I said putting the last loaded gum on the table.  
Nick sighed. “I’m going to take a walk around the boat. Wanna come?”  
“Sure,” I said getting up and walking over.  
Chris stood at the end of the long hallway looking into a room, when we walked up, we could hear Reed talking but not what he was saying. Nick closed the door.   
“Hey, you okay?” he asked. Chris was looking the other way and he didn’t say anything. “You alright?”  
“I’m fine,” he said suddenly looking at us.  
“Want to come upstairs? What is it?” he asked, he could tell something was wrong. “What? What is it?”  
“I froze,” Chris said with tears in his eyes. “I let them on the boat. This is my fault.”  
“Look, man…”  
“No, no, I pull the trigger, none of the would happen. I pull the trigger, my dad and Alicia are on the boat, we’re off to Mexico already.”  
“What, you gonna shoot a pregnant woman?” he asked. “Come on, man. I wouldn’t shoot a pregnant woman. This isn’t on you,’ he said soothingly, his voice gentle.  
“What if I freeze again?”  
“You won’t,” I said. “It was a lesson, next time you shoot first and ask questions later.”  
“I want to make up for it.”  
“Okay,” Nick said. “But don’t let all this get inside your head, alright? Yeah?”  
“Okay,” he said quietly.  
“Okay,” Nick replied after a moment. Then he continued on down disappearing behind a door.  
“You should go too,” I said with a nod towards the upper deck.  
“No, I’m good here.”  
“Yes. Go get some food, use the bathroom, get out of your head and away from this guy.”  
“But I told Daniel I would watch him.”  
“So, I’ll do it.”  
His eyes got big. “Lexi no.”  
“Hey, I’ve got this. We can switch back later. Go on, scoot, scoot.”  
He reluctantly left the hallway and then I opened the door. Reed looked at me from where he sat tied to a chair. He looked awful, all slimy with sweat…yuck. I sat on the bed, up by the wall. He looked at me with his beady eyes.   
“Where’s the kid?” he asked.  
“Taking a break.”  
“Oh, are you two a thing?”  
“Dude no.”  
“Well you are a ride along, right?” I decided not to answer. “Blood is all that matters now. They’ll abandon you.”  
“Hmm, so if I was with blood related people, they wouldn’t abandon me?” I asked bored with his analogy.   
“That’s right,” he said smug.  
I laughed. “It was my blood relations that left me behind, and in the event of an apocalypse, you tag along with the people who claim you.”  
“They may be okay with you tagging along now but just you wait. When things get harder and you have to really make some life or death decisions, they’ll leave you behind. Madison will save her children and you’ll be all alone.”  
“Oh well,” I said with a shrug. “I’ve always rather enjoyed being alone.”  
“In a world where the dead rise up?” he asked.  
“Sure, why not? I know where to hit them.”  
“You’ll be sorry when you’re…”  
“Wow, do you ever shut up? Your brainwashing bullshit doesn’t seem to be working on me.”  
“Is that why you’re so upset?”  
“I’m not upset,” I said getting comfortable. “I’m passionate.”

“Lexi, wake up.”   
I opened my eyes and Chris was standing over me. “You fell asleep.”  
My eyes focused on Reed, at least he was still tied to the chair. “Well he didn’t get away…” I stood up. “Fuck, I guess I really am a psychotic thrill seeker. Let me know if you wanna switch again.”  
He nodded as I left the room. I sat alone in the living room eating some food, I was still tired, but I knew there was more to do before the day was over.  
A gunshot jerked me from my thoughts. It came from below, I jumped up and then went back to the hallway where Chris was. Now, he was gone, and Ofelia stood at the end of the hall.   
“What happened?” I asked walking over, and then behind me Nick, Madison, and Daniel appeared.  
“Chris said he was gonna turn,” Ofelia said.  
“Where is Chris?” Madison asked.  
“He just left.”  
There goes our leverage. Luis walked into the room, with a gun in hand. He said something in Spanish and then he put the gun away. “We’re going south. This is done.”  
“Nothing is done,” Daniel said.  
Luis walked away and after some contemplation, Daniel walked away too. I went to see if Chris was okay. He was with Madison and she had her arm around him, he was upset. She looked up and saw me.   
“Lexi is going to stay with you now,” she said.  
I nodded and then she walked away, a new plan would need to be hatched and fast as we now sat in front of the marina where Conner was, and Madison had given him one hour to prepare a trade, Reed for Travis and Alicia.   
“What did he say to you?” I asked.  
“No, he was going to turn.”  
“But what did he say before that?”  
He opened his mouth but closed it again.  
“You can tell me.”  
“He said…they were going to abandon me. I don’t belong here. They aren’t my family.”  
“You know that’s bullshit right?” He looked at me, his eyes wide. “I mean, Travis is your father and he always wanted you with him. I’m the one who’s not blood related to any of you. If they abandoned anyone based on blood alone, it would be me. But I believe family has nothing to do with blood.”  
“I wouldn’t abandon you,” he said.  
“I won’t abandon you either. That being said, I am going up top to see what happens. Why don’t go come to the living room or something?”  
“Okay,” he said.  
I went all the way up to the top of the boat where Nick and Victor stood with binoculars.  
“What’s happening?” I asked sitting on the little couch there.  
“I can only see Travis,” Nick said and then he looked over at me. “How’s Chris?”  
I shrugged. “I’m not sure.”  
“They are making the trade,” Victor said.  
Nick refocused his attention. “She has Travis. Reed is attacking Conner. One of Connor’s men is attacking Travis.”  
“Let me see,” I said standing.  
Nick handed me his binoculars and I looked through. “Their getting into the raft.”  
“Do you see Alicia?”  
“No,” I said scanning the area.  
“There,” Victor said pointing.  
I could see the raft stopping and then Travis was pulling Alicia into the little boat. They were heading back and now. Nick and I went to the lower deck to meet them.

Not long after they were back, what Chris did was known by everyone. He and Travis went outside to talk. Everyone knew Reed wasn’t sick as Chris had claimed. Chris had killed him and that didn’t sit right with most of them. After playing several card games with Alicia and Ofelia I went up to Victor’s office and sat quietly in the back. Being out of the loop was never something I had liked and the only way to stay in it, was to sit quietly and listen to what others were saying. Apparently, we were about to meet up with whoever Luis said could get us into Mexico.   
“Okay, stop,” Luis said putting his hand on Victor’s arm. “That’s close enough.”  
The boat was stopped, and Luis grabbed a backpack and put it on his shoulder.  
“Good luck,” Madison said.  
Luis gave Madison a smug look but said nothing before heading out.  
“How do you say ‘asshole’ in Spanish?” Madison asked quietly.  
“Pendejo,” I said. They turned and looked at me. “I am a trove of obscure knowledge.”  
Victor looked back at Madison. “You don’t. You grin and bear it.”  
I went back downstairs. “Lexi, we just finished a game,” Alicia said. “You want me to deal you in?”  
“Sure,” I said walking over and rejoining the game.  
Right after we got started Madison came downstairs. “We’ve got a problem. Engine room now.”  
“What’s going on?” Alicia asked from her place on the couch.  
“Where’s Nick?” Madison asked as we sat the cards down.  
“He went down below,” Alicia answered.  
“Come inside,” Madison said to Chris and Travis after she opened the sliding door to the outside.  
“Can’t it wait?” Travis asked as his voice drifted inside.  
“No, it can’t,” she responded. “Company’s on the way.”  
Travis, Chris, Madison, Ofelia, Daniel, Alicia, Nick and I were all crowded into the engine room, listening to men speaking in Spanish.   
“One of them is saying they like the boat,” Daniel said quietly. He sat right by the door, a gun in hand. “He’s impressed by Strand’s wealth and wants to know how much it costs. And Strand says…he’d prefer not to discuss money.”  
“Careful Victor,” Madison sad under her breath.  
“Let’s talk about gold then, shall we?” Daniel continued and then he waited for a moment. “Two bars, one per head. Luis is making the payment.”  
“Just take it and go, take it and go…” Alicia whispered.  
I shivered, we were just in a bad situation and now here we were hidden in the engine room. Nick grabbed my hand.   
“Now he’s saying it’s a big vessel for two people. He wants to make sure there are no infected-on board.”  
We hear shouting and Daniel gets his gun ready.  
“Wait,” Madison said as she held up her hand.  
A gunshot makes us all jump. Then the yelling continues followed by more gunshots. We stand together, frozen, looking up at the ceiling, listening. Suddenly there is a flash as the engines start up and then Daniel opens the door, one by one we file out of the room, meeting Strand in the living room.  
“What the hell happened?” Madison asked.  
“Someone said ‘asshole’ in Spanish,” Victor said.  
“Luis?” Nick asked.  
A man was speaking Spanish on a bullhorn, outside, Luis, lie, dead on the deck with two other men. Another gunshot was fired, and it broke a window in the room we were all standing in. We all hit the floor, crouching low and Victor continued upstairs.   
“Everyone stay inside,” Daniel said as he got up and though crouched made his way outside.  
He was stabbing the guys in the head, the ones who had come on the boat, who were supposed to get us into Mexico, so they wouldn’t turn. When he got to Luis, Luis spoke to him. He was alive!  
“Wait!” Ofelia said rushing out there.  
“Get back inside!” Daniel demanded.  
“It’s okay. Shh…let me help you,” she said to Luis. “Let me help you.”  
She found a strange coin in his pocket and Luis was saying something, but I couldn’t understand. Nick went out there too.  
“What is it?” Ofelia asked holding the coin up.  
“It’s nothing,” Daniel said going back to finish what he started but Nick grabbed him.   
“Whoa, whoa. No, don’t!”  
“Let him be,” Ofelia said.  
He stared at his daughter and then took the coin, stood up, and a moment later, tossed the coin into the ocean, before walking away.

Land was approaching and so we were packing up.  
“Do you think you’ll miss the boat?” I asked.  
“Well, it does hold fond memories,” Nick said pulling me close and meeting my lips. “But we couldn’t live here forever.”  
“True,” I said putting my backpack on and then picking up my bat. “I wish we had one more night, you know?”  
“Yeah. But we could have more nights out there, beyond the boat.”  
“Hmm, life beyond the boat. Who knows what that’s going to be like…” I mused.  
“An adventure,” he said holding his hand out.  
I smiled and then took it.   
One by one, we walked off the boat, up a dock, and then onto land. Then, with Victor leading the way we began our trek. There was no one else around, living or dead or living dead, even though we seemed to be in a small town. We walked for about forty minutes I’d say before Madison dared to ask how much further. I was all ears and heard Victor reply with ‘We’re close now.’ I was hoping like, a little bit beyond the hill we were walking up. I was tired, and it was hot.  
At the top we were met with a gruesome scene. There were people, men, women, and kids, dead around a church. There were dogs who were eating them. The stench was horrific.  
“Thomas!” Victor said suddenly as he ran over to a truck that stood outside the church. “Thomas!” he yelled.  
“Victor,” Madison said.  
We walked closer to the church as Victor ran inside. Only a moment or two and then Chris shouted out, we looked over to where he was and there was a small group of infected coming this way, in front as well as behind us. Crap. I took my bat and looked at the others, there were several weapons lying in the dirt, so everyone had something. Some of the infected were kids.   
“Over here,” I said as I swung my bat hitting a woman and knocking her down.  
Alicia looked behind and joined me as we took down several choir boys.   
“I got this,” I said as a man limped over.  
Alicia nodded and turned to help the others. “Chris!” she yelled as he stood there while Madison was on the ground underneath an infected. Alicia ran over and grabbed it by its hair, and then stabbed it in the head. I turned back to the limping man, swinging my back and watching as the nails sunk into its skull, killing it for real. Alicia helped Madison up off the ground and they both looked at Chris who was still just standing there, watching them.  
“We have to go, now!” Victor yelled.  
Everyone was running over to the truck, except for Nick was sitting on the ground where all those bodies lay. I went right to him; he was holding an axe and he looked upset as he stared at the dead infected girl who he must have taken out.   
“Nick,” I said kneeling, my eyes level with his. “We have to go.” His eyes went back to the kid, and I put my hands out. “I know.” He grabbed my hands and I pulled him to his feet.  
Victor drove, with Ofelia and Daniel riding up front with him with the rest of us in the back of the truck. Nick put his head on my shoulder, and we sat in silence for the ride. 

~*~

“Oh my god,” Madison said.  
“Shut up,” said Alicia incredulous as she looked up ahead.  
It was a completely fenced in community with a tall solid fence, like a wall. We drove up to a gate and after Victor said something into a box, the gate opened, inside there was so much farmland, with stuff already growing. There was a huge house, or mansion.  
The truck came to a stop and we all got out with our bags. Then we followed Victor.   
A lady came out to meet us. She wore a turquoise long sleeve button down and a high waisted skirt with an intricate pattern in browns, blues, and a bit of red. Her hair was black and curly, barely grazing her shoulders. She was older, like late forties, early fifties.   
“Bienvenidos. Welcome,” she said as she walked briskly up to us.   
“Celia, tell me he’s here,” Victor said quietly as he went right up to her.   
She nodded. “Come,” she said and the two of them began walking away.  
The rest of us were stopped by two women, both were wearing all white dresses, they both had their dark hair pulled back, but the lady who was talking to us had hers in a braid.   
“Welcome, my name is Sofia. Nice to meet you all.”  
“Hi, I’m Madison.”  
Sofia smiled and then turned to look at a boy behind her, she said something I couldn’t understand and then the boy ran over, a soccer ball in hand.  
“Hola,” he said.  
“Hola,” Ofelia said.  
“Now if you’ll follow me,” Sofia said. “I can give you a tour of the house. But first I have to ask you for your weapons.”  
Travis sat his bag on the ground next to her. Madison took her gun out of her bag and sat it on top of Travis’ bag. I didn’t like the idea, but this was their home…  
Chris dropped a bat he had gotten at the church. Alicia and Nick gave up their knifes. With a sigh, I placed my bat and my gun and then joined the others who were waking off with that other lady. Nick smiled when I walked up and offered his hand. I intermingled my fingers with his and we walked along. Everything was so nice here, there were trees, and a large patio, tables and chairs, it was all so clean and kept.   
It was indeed a house, a very large house. With like a full staff of people to take care of it. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe we were here. I smiled taking in everything. We were shown to rooms. Nick dropped his bag in one and turned to me. “Roomie?”  
“Yeah.” I said dropping my bag by his. “I’m so hungry…”  
“Me too, you wanna see if we can find something?”  
“You don’t have to ask, let’s go.”  
We could smell something cooking and it was that smell that led us to the kitchen where Celia was. Nick opened the door and we walked in together.  
“Hola,” he said.  
“Buenas joven,” she responded.  
“Celia?” he asked pointing at her as I shut the door. She smiled and nodded. “Yo soy Nick,” he said pointing to himself. “Lexi,” he said pointing to me. I waved and smiled.  
“Ah, Nicholas.”  
“Si,” he said.  
“And, uh…Alexandra?”  
“Uh, no, just Lexi.”  
She nodded and then looked back at Nick, then she really began speaking Spanish.  
“Scusi,” he interrupted a little embarrassed. “I don’t speak Spanish.”  
“Are you hungry?” she asked.  
“Yes,” I said.   
“I’m very hungry,” he said.  
We approached a bar and bar stools.  
“What are we going to do? Dinner’s not till eight,” she said and then she looked behind herself and back to us. “I’ll give you some pozole, you promise not to tell the others?”  
“I would do just about anything for some pozole,” Nick said.  
“I promise,” I said.  
She smiled at us, like a mother who was happy to be taking care of her children. “Sit,” she said.  
We each sat on a bar stool and she took a bowl off a stack in front of her, turned to the stove and dipped from a large pot, and then she turned back and placed that bowl in front of Nick. Then she did the same for me, she handed us napkins and spoons and picked up something she had just chopped and dropped a few bits in each of our bowls.  
“Thank you,” Nick said.  
I smelled it and then went to town. After we had taken a few bites she asked, “How is it?”  
“It’s the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth,” I said.  
“Amazing,” Nick responded.  
She laughed and nodded.   
“Luis,” Nick said after a minute. “He was asking for you when he, uh…you were on his mind,” he said with a sad smile. “He wanted me to tell you that.”  
“Thank you,” she said. His face got sad. “You have a heavy smile. Why?”  
Nick looked like he wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. Celia waited, and I polished off my soup.   
“I’m just a bit sick of it…”  
“Of what?” she asked.  
“Of all the killing.”  
She nodded slowly, her own face looking a bit sad and then she was smiling a little.  
“What?” he asked.  
“None of this is new, Nicholas. We are just visitors. Our dead, and they are our dead, they have always walked amongst us. The only difference if now we can see them.”  
“It’s a pretty big difference,” Madison said at the door.  
“Mom,” Nick said turning back to his bowl.  
“Shower’s all yours, son.”  
“Okay, in a minute.”  
“I don’t know how much hot water is left,” she said walking into the room. “I can smell you from here.”  
“Okay, I’m coming,” he said with a mouthful. “Gracias for the pozole.”  
“You were not supposed to tell,” she said as he drank what remained in the bowl.  
“Mmm,” he said with a nod as he stood up and then walked out of the room.  
“He’s special, your son,” Celia said with a smile.  
“He’s impressionable,” Madison responded.  
“The enlightened always are.”  
“He’s fragile.” Celia nodded after a moment but said nothing. “Thank you for your hospitality,” Madison said.  
“Of course.”  
“Lexi, let’s go.”  
“I’m good. I’m not fragile.”  
She sighed and then left the room.  
“Would you like some more?” Celia asked.  
“Yes please…”  
She got me another round.  
“How do you know Victor?”  
“Well, in LA, a doctor came to the house and took Nick away. We went to go get him and found Victor with Nick. Apparently, Nick is alive because of Victor. When we left the hospital, we went straight to Victor’s house and then to the Abagail. He let us come along with him. I’m really glad he did, this place is…amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”  
“Thank you,” she said.

Later, after everyone had showered and put on clean clothes it was time for dinner. We sat at a real table and were served home cooked food. Victor was with Thomas, his boyfriend, and Ofelia went to go get Daniel who was also missing from the table. All the staff sat at the table and their families. It was like sitting down with a large family. People were smiling. The food was amazing. It was as if all of it had been some awful nightmare.  
After dinner, Ofelia wanted to go to the shine on the property and pray to her mother. But she didn’t want to go alone. Nick went with her and I went to the room we would be sharing. Sometimes it was nice to just sit quietly with your thoughts or sing a song to yourself.   
When I opened my eyes and came out of my meditation, Nick sat on the bed reading a book.  
“How long have you been here?” I asked.  
“Twenty minutes or so. I didn’t want to disturb you.”  
I stood up and walked over, slowly taking the book from him. He gave me a signature look before I turned the light off.  
“I wondered if we would ever get any time alone,” I said crawling up onto the bed and hovering over him.  
“We’ve got time now…”

~*~

We were lying in each other’s arms, in the dark.  
“I talked to Celia earlier,” he said.  
“Yeah? About what?”  
“I don’t think they are really dead, and she agrees with me.”  
“What do you mean? Like they could just be themselves again?”  
“I don’t know. But I think something else is happening here.”  
I didn’t know what to say. It sounded like wishful thinking. Or guilt, smashing in the heads of living dead children might make one ponder such things. But considering, once you turned you stayed that way and began to decompose…there was no coming back from it. We all turn, and when we do, that’s it.   
“I love you Lexi…” he mumbled and then a moment later he was asleep.  
If Celia believed they weren’t really dead, then…my eyes closed and a moment later I couldn’t remember what I had been thinking about.

A gunshot woke us up with a jump. We were out of bed and running to where Thomas and Victor were. Thomas was dead, he had been bitten on the arm and it was going to happen anyway, or it had already happened and then Victor shot him to keep him from turning. Celia stood by the bed, looking angerly at Victor.  
“Where are your words now? What can you tell him?” Many other people were crowded into the doorway. “This man who loved you…who died believing your lies. You tell him the truth. That you looked inside yourself, deep into the place where your soul should be, and you found it empty.” Victor was shaking his head. “You tell him that!” Celia yelled and then she smacked him across the face, hard.   
Madison went over to Celia as she continued her rant in Spanish, going back to hit him again but Madison grabbed her arm. “That’s enough.”  
Celia jerked her arm away. “Why are you here? Who are you?”  
“His friend,” she responded.   
Celia scoffed. “You are his fool. So was my son,” she said and then she turned and marched towards us.  
“Celia, I’m so sorry,” Nick said.  
She looked at him, and I couldn’t identify the look in her eyes, but I didn’t like it lingering on him.   
“I have to bury him,” Victor said.  
“You don’t deserve to bury him,” Celia spat.  
“It’s what he wanted,” Victor replied, he was clearly upset.  
“What he wanted?” Celia said as she walked back over to him. “What he wanted was what you promised,” she said pointing to a plate with church wafers on it. “This man, my beautiful, stupid son, wanted you!” she said barely holding it together.  
“He is not your son,” Victor said.  
She looked like she wanted to claw his eyes out as she moved closer to him, but Nick went over to her side.  
“Celia, hey, he didn’t mean that. He didn’t mean that.”  
“Stay out of it,” she hissed.  
“They need some time. Please.”  
“You’re going to let this boy do your begging?”  
Clearly there was nothing Victor could say to appease this woman, and he knew that, you could see it all over his face.   
“Fine,” Celia said. “Now Thomas can get everything you have to offer. An empty hole, some dirt. You have one day. The sun comes down, I want you gone.” She turned back to Nick. “All of you.”  
She stormed out of the room taking the other onlookers with her. I went over to Victor and hugged him. He was sad, the love of his life had just died. Everything he had done was to get here to be with Thomas. 

Eventually we all went to sleep but woke up early. Nick grabbed the two of us some food and then I tried to catch up on whatever I had missed since we were so spread out now.  
“Where’s Chris?” I asked.  
“Chris ran off,” Madison said.  
“Why? When?”  
“Last night,” Alicia said. “He was in my room when the gunshot went off and he had a knife.”  
“What?” Nick asked.  
“When we were at the church and mom was trapped under an infected, Chris just stood there, watching it happen. If I hadn’t saved her, she’d probably be dead,” Alicia said.  
“So, he froze again?” Nick asked.  
“That’s what he claimed happened, but I saw him, he was just watching. Then he threatened me not to tell anyone what I saw.”  
“He threatened you?” Nick asked.  
“Yeah and then he was in my room last night. I told him to get out and he ran outside.”  
“Is that where Travis is? Out looking for Chris?”  
“Yeah,” Madison said as she scanned the world beyond the property, seeing if she could spot them. “Pack whatever supplies we can carry,” she said walking over and speaking quietly. “Food, water, anything you can get your hands on without drawing attention to yourself. And we need the truck to get back to the boat. Did you see where he put the keys?”  
“I’m not going back to the boat,” Alicia said.  
“Alicia, we don’t have a choice. That sun sets, they’ll force us off the land.”  
“Mom,” Nick said shaking his head.  
“These people are not our friends. Get it through your heads. Both of you. This place is dangerous. That woman is dangerous.”  
“She’s just upset. I can talk to her,” Nick said calmly.  
“You, stay away, from Celia. Do you hear me? Travis is coming over that hill. When he does, that’s when we move.”  
“What if he doesn’t?” Alicia asked.  
“He is coming back,” she said and then she walked away.  
We all sat there in silence for another minute before Nick stood up and offered me his hand.   
He led me away from the others.  
“I’m going out there.”  
“What?” I asked not liking this idea.  
“I’m going to get Luis and bring him to Celia. Then she might let us stay.”  
“Nick…” I began but stopped, there was no talking him down, I knew that. Plus, it was the only plan we had. I nodded.  
He kissed me and then walked off and I went back to Alicia.  
“Wanna look for supplies?” I asked.  
She sighed but stood up. “Yeah, okay.”  
“Tell me again about this whole Chris thing.”  
She linked her arm through mine and then went over the story again.

About an hour and a half later, Nick, covered in blood, came walking up to the front of the house with Luis, who was gagged and bound. People were unnerved by his appearance. But Celia was happy to have her ‘son’ back. Some men came over and took Luis and then they walked off out of sight. Madison called to Nick, he paused to look at her, but he continued on into the house, to Celia. I slinked behind, wanting to know what it was about her. I could hear Celia talking from inside Thomas’s bedroom. Nick stood just inside the door, and I was in the hallway.  
“What do you see? Look at him. Is this death? What you see is my son. Changed, yes, but no less my son. My Luis. Who you brought back to me?”  
A man walked by me and then into the room. A moment later he walked out with the other men who held onto Luis and they all walked off down the hall.   
“There are many who do not understand us,” Celia said, her voice getting closer. “Or are afraid to. You are not. Why?”  
“I don’t know,” Nick said quietly.   
“You belong here with us, Nicholas. With me. Stay.”  
“What about my family?”  
“You want to do the right thing,” she said, her voice growing fainter as she walked farther into the room. “But they are not like you.”  
“Celia, they are not bad people.”  
“And when they look upon my son, what do they see? Go on, say it.”  
“A monster…”  
“Is that what we call these creatures who can’t control their nature, their hunger? And what do we call those who destroy them? The ones who kill without thinking. Which is the monster?”  
“They will learn,” he said. “My family won’t hurt anyone. They will be safe here.”  
“You can’t change them.”  
“Please,” he said.  
“You will be responsible for their actions while they are here. Understand?”  
“Yes.”  
“Tell your family they are welcome to stay. But not Victor Strand. He doesn’t belong here. He never did,” Celia said and then paused. “This is not apocalypse. This is our beginning, Nicholas. The end of death itself. Life eternal.”  
Nick walked out of the room and straight into me. I went to say something, but he took my hand and pulled me down the hall.  
“You know that’s she’s crazy,” I whispered. “You know, that right?”  
“Remember when we had first been in the boat and there was a whole boat full of people that we could have helped, and you said, you agreed with Strand to leave them there?”  
“Yeah,” I said slowly.  
“I didn’t agree with that. Now, I believe something, that you don’t agree with.”  
“It’s not a belief Nick, she’s brainwashing you.”  
“How is it brainwashing if I came to the conclusion on my own.”  
“They are dead. They’re dead. They are not alive. They have no pulse. They eat people. They’re dead. And that’s okay, because death is part of life. It’s a wheel. Death isn’t an end, it’s a transition…”  
“I just believe differently,” he said pulling me outside and over to a shower by the pool.   
He let go of my hand and then stepped into the alcove, turning the shower on and he began to rise off.   
“You said they were dead. That day, at your house.”  
“I was wrong.”  
I shook my head. “No, Nick…”  
“Why does it matter if I believe something different?” he asked looking over at me, water dripping down his face.  
“It doesn’t…but your belief is going to get you killed.”  
“It won’t,” he said with a smile. “I can move among them, invisible. Invincible.”  
“Nick?” I asked, and his eyes met mine again. “If I turned, would you let me go? Or would you keep me around because you believed I wasn’t dead?”  
“I…what do you want me to say Lexi?”  
“I want you to kill me before I hurt anyone. That’s what I want. Will you?”  
He turned away, not responding. He wouldn’t. I wiped away some tears that escaped and then walked away, leaving him to his shower.

Alicia and I met Madison and Ofelia to watch Thomas’s funeral. Victor had been digging for hours, not accepting any help and we had all tried. Ofelia told us that Daniel hadn’t been making any sense and he attacked some of the men here, Celia had him taken away.   
“Are we really going to let them kick him out?” Alicia asked. “Alone?”  
“What do you want me to do?” Madison asked.  
“Something,” she replied.  
Ofelia went over to talk to Celia once the service was over.   
“Lexi, walk with me,” Madison said.  
“Okay.”  
“I had a talk with Nick earlier.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Celia has him under a spell,” she said.  
“I know,” I said fear clouding over me. “I don’t understand. He knows, he knows they’re dead.” She nodded. “What are we going to do?”  
“I have an idea,” Madison said and then she hugged me. A moment later she walked away. 

Each minute that passed seemed like an eternity. We weren’t going to be able to stay here. We had to go. I went to see Victor who was packing up his stuff.  
“So, where are you going to go?” I asked.  
“Back to the Abagail.”  
“And then?”  
“I don’t know,” he said shaking his head. “But I will adapt. I always do.”  
I walked over and then hugged him. It took several moments but he eventually hugged me back. “I’m so sorry. About everything.”  
“You’ve, uh, gotta help Madison get Nick away from Celia.”  
“I will,” I said. “Thank you, for saving him. For saving us…”  
He gave me a sad smile. “You’re welcome.”  
He picked up his stuff and then left the room.   
I was getting this horrible vibe, we needed to leave. So, I headed to my room to get my backpack. If we had to get out of there fast, I wanted it with me. Once I had it, I set out in search of my bat. Amazingly I was able to find Celia’s office, it was hanging out with a few other weapons that I helped myself to, stuffing them into my bag. I walked outside and that’s when I was hit with the smoke. Soon after that came the flames. I did a quick look around and then headed for the grounds. The house was going up in flames, I had to get out of there.   
I found Alicia, holding back a distraught Ofelia.   
“I’m sorry,” Madison said as she reached us. “He’s gone.”  
Oh no, not Daniel! I thought turning back and looking at the house. A moment later a truck drove up and then stopped. Victor stepped out.   
“Get in! We need to go, now,” he said walking over to where Ofelia sat on the ground.  
“Nick and Travis are coming back,” Madison said.  
What? Nick wasn’t here? He didn’t even tell me he was leaving. My heart seized as I looked around. But it was dark, and the flames were taking over everything.  
“We’ll be dead before they get here,” Victor answered as he bent down to help Ofelia up.  
“We’ll find them. We’ll find them, okay?” Alicia said.  
“Ofelia, please. Come on,” Victor said leading her to the truck.  
“Go, now,” Madison said.  
I didn’t want to, but we couldn’t stay here. Alicia jumped up into the back of the truck. Madison was about to, but we heard people shouting. She looked ahead and was frozen. I peered over there and could see Nick walking this way, covered in blood, again.   
“Lexi!” Alicia yelled. “Mom!”  
“Madison!” yelled Victor.  
I ran over to Nick. “I didn’t even know you went out again,” I said like an idiot who had all the time in the world to just sit and chat about things.  
I could hear Alicia and Victor yelling. We need to get in the truck, people were coming over here, we had to leave.  
He looked beyond me, to Madison and shook his head. “I couldn’t find them.”  
“Okay,” she said.  
“Nick, please, get in the truck,” I said.  
“Where’s Celia?” he asked Madison.  
“Come on!” Victor called.  
“Who did this?” Nick asked.  
“We have to go, we have to get back in the boat, Nick,” Madison said. “We have to get back to the boat.”  
Headlights turned to us as Victor moved the truck closer to where we were.   
“She was right about us,” he said.   
“What?” Madison asked.  
“Celia,” he said with a nod. “She knew what we are.”  
“What are you talking about? Get in the truck,” Madison said.  
“We destroy everything.”  
“They’re coming! We’ve got to go!” Alicia yelled.  
“No, Nick, come on,” Madison said.  
I looked into his eyes, but he wasn’t really looking at me. “Nick.”  
“Protect my mom and sister,” he said as Victor grabbed Madison and dragged her away.  
I was used to Nick leaving of course, in six years of friendship it seemed like he was always on the go. For five of those years he was addicted to heroin and often not around. But when he was, he was completely focused on me. He’d climb through my window at an odd hour and sleep right next to me. The next day we’d have breakfast and then that day he was all mine. He’d leave in the same fashion, though the window but not before telling me he loved me and then kissing my forehead, setting an impossible bar for all future love interests…but I always knew he would come back. Always. Now, as he had grown impossibly distant in just a day, and his beautiful eyes wouldn’t even meet mine…  
No, it wasn’t going to end like this. I stepped closer, my lips meeting his. “I love you.”  
“Lexi…”  
“Let me go too,” I pleaded.  
“Go,” he said. “You’re the only one I trust. I need to do this.”  
“But Nick…what if…”  
“Lexi!” Alicia yelled.  
I tried pulling out the song lyrics that would convince him to stay. “’Will you love me till it hurts? Never leave me at my worst’…” He shook his head. I had one more chance. “’We’ll be tonightless’.”  
“Goodbye Lexi.”  
“’Our souls are lost without each other’!” Why was he being this way? “Nick!” I yelled as he turned and walked away.  
“Nick! Nick!” Madison was calling.  
“Let him go,” Victor said.  
“Nick,” I said as tears poured down my face. “I love you.”  
He keeps walking, he didn’t turn around he just kept going into the hoard of the dead that waited. My heart felt like it was being crushed, like a grape. Anger took over, what was he doing? Where was he going?   
The truck pulled up to me and I jumped in the back with Alicia. I should go with him, he was always leaving me, maybe I should just jump out and follow him…then we were driving past him.   
He didn’t even look up. I watched until I couldn’t see him anymore. Everything felt, fake, like time had stopped. I was so confused. Where had it all gone so wrong?

~*~

For the next two days we stay in the general area, searching tirelessly for Nick, Travis, and Chris. We have been sleeping in the truck in shifts. When I’m supposed to be sleeping, I’m consumed with nightmares. When it’s my shift to stay awake, my mind goes to horrible places. Tears slide down my face without me even realizing I have started to cry. I feel as if a part of myself has died or at least been cut away and all that’s left is an ache that I can’t seem to stop. I only speak if I have to and listen to everything. I constantly run scenarios in my head to play things out differently with Nick. I comb over every conversation, every look, trying to pinpoint when I lost him… I sob uncontrollably while the others sleep.   
We stopped in a small town, needing gas for the truck and food. We fanned out to scavenge more efficiently. I ended up alone in a small store, it seemed to be picked clean, but I was going to look everywhere.   
Three men appeared out of nowhere. They weren’t interested in taking anything that would help them survive. They were only interested in one thing. I struggled, I screamed, I fought as hard as I could. In a stroke of luck, I was able to get my hand on a gun, one they foolishly left close by. I grabbed it and without hesitation shot the man who had just taken my pants off, I got him right in the chest. Then I whirled around and shot another one, I got him in the stomach. The last held up his hands, surrendering.   
“Really?” I asked and then I shot him as well. He grabbed his leg and sunk to the floor. “Yeah, I hope it hurts. And I hope you two bleed out slowly,” I said before grabbing my bag and my bat, coming back and hitting the one guy in the head. It was disgusting and made a horrible sound. But I didn’t want to waste any more bullets and a leg wound wasn’t going to kill him anyway. I spit on them and then walked out of the building.  
Madison and the others were running towards the building when I emerged.   
“Are you okay?” Madison asked, her eyes wide as she took in the sight of me.  
I stopped and with shaky hands pulled my pants back on. What I had done hadn’t really sunk in yet. “I’m okay.”  
“What happened?” Alicia asked.  
“There were people in there…their dead now.”  
“From now on, no one goes alone,” Madison said as she hugged me.

We searched another area for food, sometimes getting lucky with canned goods. Ofelia is just as quiet, I have never been close with her, and even though she is also suffering, I can’t bring myself to comfort her. I’m too tired, too sad, my nerves are too fried, and so I listen. I observe, and I try my best to never let anyone know how awful things really are inside my head. 

Now, it’s about noon and Madison bangs on the side of the truck, letting Victor know to pull over. He does, and then Madison hops out, scanning the horizon. Alicia and I hop out and then Victor joins us.   
“Mom, it’s been two days,” Alicia says.  
“We’ve been south of the compound, we’ve been north,” Victor said.  
“They could have gone east,” she replied not giving up hope.  
“Mom, we have to go back to the Abagail.”  
“We’re never going to find him like this.”  
“He’s out here, I know he is,” Madison said quickly.  
“Travis might have gone back,” Alicia said.   
“Madison there’s water on the boat,” Victor said. “We can’t keep scavenging. The truck’s running on fumes.”  
“Lexi,” Madison said. “What do you think?”  
They turned and looked at me. “I think…the Abagail is a good bet.”  
She turned back, looking once more. “Okay.”  
Back in the truck we went and then Victor headed back for the coast. When we arrive, he turns the truck off, and we all hop out. Ahead of us in an expanse of uninterrupted ocean. The Abagail was missing.   
“No,” Victor said. “No.”  
“Where the hell did it go?” Alicia asked.  
“The military waited for us to land,” he said. “They waited and…” He sighed and walked away.  
“What now?” asked Alicia.  
“We walk into the sea,” Ofelia said.  
“Okay, we need shelter,” Alicia said. “That hotel, up the beach. Come on, let’s go.”  
“If we go, he’ll never find us,” Madison said.  
“He’s not looking.”  
“He always comes home.”  
“Mom, it’s me and you, now, whether you like it or not.”  
Madison’s gaze drifted beyond Alicia and a moment later Alicia turned and walked a few steps away. She picked up some driftwood. We worked together to make a large sign on the ground which said: ‘ABAGAIL LOST HEAD NORTH’.   
Then we were back in the truck, driving up the beach, passing infected here and there. Victor eventually parked and we all got out, watching the large resort that lay before us.  
“Nothing’s moved,” Madison said a while later.  
“The place will be picked clean,” Victor said.  
“It could be crawling,” Ofelia offered.  
“Better indoors than out,” Alicia said.  
“Here here,” I agreed.  
Back in the truck, Victor drove us up to the entrance. We walked cautiously up to the door. Not only was it locked, but there were several chairs stacked in front of it. Victor worked the door with his crowbar until he was able to pop it open. He then scooted a stack of chairs aside which toppled them over creating a small but loud crash. We all walked in, quietly, looking around.  
“Someone locked this place down,” Madison observed.  
“Where are they now?” Alicia asked.  
We fanned out, looking around and then a bell dinging causes us all to look over. Victor had rung the bell at the front desk.  
“Are you out of your mind?” Madison whispered.  
He hit the bell again. And again. And again, over and over until Madison walked up to him.  
“The service is subpar,” he said.  
We walked over into a room that was set up for a wedding reception.   
“Happiest day of somebody’s life,” Ofelia said.  
“Until it wasn’t,” Victor answered.  
The wedding cake was still standing in the middle of the room. I went over and sniffed it. It smelled like cake. I was just reaching my hand out to grab a handful. “Lexi, no,” Madison said. I frowned but dropped my hand.  
“You know, I was almost married once,” Ofelia said.  
“Who was the lucky guy?” Victor asked.  
“His name was William. He was a good man.”  
“Couldn’t have been that good,” Victor replied. Ofelia looked over at him. “You said almost,” he elaborated.  
“He was moving to New Mexico. Santa Fe. And I had to take care of my parents.”  
Silence fell over them and I took advantage of the opportunity. “’And I blame this world for making a good man evil, it’s this world, that can drive a good man mad’,” I sang and then grabbed a bottle of champagne and used it was a microphone, holding my left hand out all dramatic in front of me. “’And it’s this world that turns a killer into a hero…well I blame this world for making a good man bad…Now I ain’t getting; into heaven…if the devil has his way…I swear, I’m gonna live, forever! Heading back to Santa Fe…it’s judgement day in Santa Fe…’” I ended it there cause the moment had passed.  
“Thank you for that Lexi,” Victor said. “The past, it’ll make you sick,” he said to Ofelia and then to Madison he said. “Let’s find the kitchen.”  
I went with Victor, not wanting to linger in this room if I couldn’t have the cake.  
A bit of exploring and we found the kitchen which was empty. Some more exploring and we found the bar.   
We should check the rooms,” Alicia said. “You know, the guests had luggage, the minibars might still be stocked.”  
“The kitchen was empty,” Ofelia said.  
“Go floor by floor, room by room, we’ll find something.”  
“Let’s look down here,” Madison said.  
“You look down here,” Alicia said annoyed.  
“I want you with me,” she replied.  
“We’ll check the tower and meet back here before sunset.”  
“No, I said no.”  
“We checked every hall, every door. If there are infected, we would have seen them. Survivors would have come out. The place is dead,” she said walking over to the door with Ofelia.  
“Alicia,” Madison said in her mom tone.  
“She can take care of herself,” Victor said as I jumped up on a barstool.   
“Doing it half my life. I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she said as they walked out of the room.  
“Have a seat,” Victor said. “Drinks on me.”  
“Not now Victor,” Madison said.  
“Especially now.”  
“I’m good.”  
“Well you look like shit.”  
“Oh, thank you.”  
He hopped over the bar and got to work. “De nada, you need some color in your cheeks. You need a drink. I need a drink. Lexi, you want a drink?”  
“What the hell,” I said.   
He sat out martini glasses. “Come now, it’s medicinal.”  
Madison sat one stool over from me and once they were ready, we sipped martini’s.  
“Blah,” I said. “This is disgusting.”  
“Really?” asked Victor.  
“Got any chocolate or vodka? Or both?”  
“Vodka,” he said setting a bottle in front of me.  
“Thanks,” I said.  
“I’ll tell you right here, right now, the way to make a perfect martini. Gin over rocks in a shaker,” Victor said. “Come up real close to it,” he said motioning Madison over. “And whisper vermouth,” he said and then laughed.  
“Is that so?” Madison asked.  
“Wait, what?” he asked.  
“What?” she said.  
“Say that again,” he said.  
“Is that so?” she repeated.  
“Aha, how did I not realize that our very own Madison Clark, is a Southern belle.”  
“Alabama,” she said.  
“Mm hum,” he replied.  
“Tended bar to put myself through school. And I’ll tell you right here, right now, your story is bullshit. Your martini’s bullshit.”  
Victor finished his drink and I ate the olives out of mine and then slid it over to him. He smiled and then took the glass.   
“Alright,” he said. “Educate me, Ms. Clark.”  
She took out two small glasses. “Bring me tequila.”  
I got up and moseyed around, opened the bottle of vodka and took in a deep breath. My eyes welled up, thinking of Nick and that day at my house.   
I sat in a chair by the large window that looked out over the ocean. I took a sip. It burned all the way down. Madison and Victor kept on with their shots.  
“If we were sitting here before it all went to hell,” Victor said, his voice getting thick and slow.   
He played the ‘what if’ game. The ‘in another life’ game. When his story was over it was Madison who was talking.  
“She’s right. Alicia’s right. I’m never gonna see Nick again.”  
My heart ached.  
“He’s alive,” Victor said. “The boy is bulletproof.”  
“Yeah, you don’t get it. That boy, was born lost. Like his daddy. He’s been slipping through my fingers ever since they day I gave birth to him.”  
“Maybe you’ve been holding on too tight.”  
“Obviously not,” she shot back.  
“Okay,” he said. “Alright.”  
“It’s his father’s darkness. You leave them alone; they head straight towards death.”  
“How did Steven pass?” he asked after a moment.  
Madison took a moment to answer. “Came home from the work site. It was late. Crossed the divider…into oncoming traffic.”  
“He fell asleep?” he asked.  
“That’s what I told the kids.”  
“You were trying to protect them,” he said placing a hand on her shoulder.  
She shook her head. “I keep trying to save them. They keep dying. Over and over. Travis stopped that for a while, you know?”  
“These things…we can only live with them. We can’t choose.”  
“We can choose. Yeah, absolutely choose. I didn’t have to have Nick. You know, I could have not had Alicia, but I wanted to be a mother. I chose despite the past and I chose wrong.”  
“Hey, that’s the drink talking,” he said reaching for the bottle as she poured herself another.  
“No, no, no. I’m good,” she slurred. “Whoo,” she held her glass in the air. “Cheers. Come on. Cheers. To motherhood.”  
“Okay, to motherhood. Alright.”  
Then Madison threw her glass, it hit the wall behind the bar and shattered. Then she grabbed another and went back for the bottle.  
I sat my vodka down, drinking made people so angry. I didn’t want to be here anymore if this was where it was headed. So, I slipped out as Victor went over and began to play on the piano.  
“’When you were here before, couldn’t look you in the eye’…” I sang quietly as I wondered around. “’I wish I was special, you’re so fucking special. But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here’…”  
I made it to a room. It was empty, but there was running water, and some nuts and crackers in the minibar.   
I took a shower and then pulled on clean clothes from my bag. I did my best to scrub mine and then hung them up to dry. I ate a little and drank some water. Then I crawled into a bed and held onto myself, pretending I wasn’t here alone so I could sleep.  
The screaming scared me and a moment after that I realized I was the one who was screaming. I put my hands over my mouth and subsided into heavy sobs. My nightmares were always the same, Nick walking away and then being attacked, a bunch of infected clawing at him, eating him alive. I could never reach him, no matter what I did. I tried to calm myself down, lying down once more, willing myself back to sleep. The tears continued to no avail. I hated him for doing this to me. I hoped he was okay. I tried not to wonder if I would ever see him again.   
Eventually my eyes began to get heavy and I fell asleep once more, this time it was dreamless sleep, the kind that makes you tired when you wake up…the morning light is what woke me.   
I went to the bathroom, put my dry clothes in my bag, grabbed my bat, and then looked through the peephole. I didn’t see anyone and so I opened the door quietly, poking my head through. It was clear. I made my way back to the first floor; I didn’t know where anyone was.   
I went back to the reception room and just a few moments later Alicia and a woman with dark hair and wild dark eyes wielding an axe walked into the room.  
“Lexi!” she said as she came over and hugged me. “Where are the others?”  
“I don’t know,” I said not wanting to tell her that I had left them in the bar and gone off on my own, failing asleep by myself when she looked like hell.  
“This is Elena,” Alicia said. “She’s been helping me.”  
“What happened to Ofelia?”  
“She just disappeared. I don’t know where she went.”  
Elena was looking around, her eyes wide as she took in the sight of the room.  
“Elena,” Alicia said looking back. “Did they do this? The guests?”  
Elena walked over to a blood stain on the floor. “The father of the bride. He had a heart attack on this spot,” she said looking at the floor. Alicia and I walked over. “The poor man became one of them while we were waiting for rescue. He attacked his own daughter, the bride…while her mother watched.”  
“What did you do?”  
“They looked up to me for help. I contained the situation. I have the hotel to think about. We were at capacity. All my guests, it was a sickness. I couldn’t let it spread.”  
Alicia began to move over to the doorway, and I followed her, not knowing this lady, and not wanting to stay with her.   
“I locked them in…” Elena said and then she began to cry. “Hector and I…till help could come. It never did. There was no one there to save us. People die. Now they hate me.”  
Alicia turned back and walked over to her. “I’ve seen worse,” she said. “We’ve done worse. I won’t let them touch you. I promise. Come on.”  
I was missing some information, but it seemed as if some of the wedding party had survived and were here somewhere in the hotel. We left the room and continued our search. As we got closer to the entrance we could hear some snarling and various noises like something shuffling around. Around a corner and there were doors to the bar, closed with chairs stacked against it. Inside we could see infected stumbling around and others walking into the doors.  
“Mom?” Alicia called.  
“Alicia, you must be quiet,” Elena said.  
“She was inside here. Elena, she was inside here.”  
“If she was trapped in there, she’s dead.”  
“She’s not dead,” Alicia shouted.  
“Someone locked the doors,” I said. “Someone did this.”  
Alicia began pushing the chairs aside.   
“You cannot let out what is in there,” Elena said. “You cannot. You cannot,” she said as she held Alicia back.  
“Mom! Mom!”  
“Stop that,” a man said from behind us.  
We turned around and two other men walked into the room, one of them held onto another man whose hands were bound in front of him, and a lady brought up the rear. “Where is she?” Alicia asked. “Where are they? Where is my mother?”  
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” the first man said holding up a wrench.   
“We came here with three other people. Have you seen anyone else?” I asked.  
“The keys,” he said holding out his hand towards Elena.  
“Don’t give him the keys,” Alicia said. “Not until we know.”  
“We know, she’s not with them,” Elena said. “She’s gone.”  
“No,” Alicia said looking back at the doors. “My mother’s not dead. She’s not. She’s alive.”  
“Look for her outside,” the man said. “I don’t care. Give me the keys, I give you your nephew. And then you leave this place. The keys.”  
“You can’t send us out there. We’ll die out there,” Alicia said.  
“This monster doesn’t deserve to live,” the lady said angrily. “I want her dead, like my daughter, my husband.”  
Now things were making more sense, the lady was the mother of the bride. The guy with the wrench was the groom, he was in the picture Madison had been looking at in the reception hall. The guy whose hands were bound must be Hector, Elena’s nephew.   
“Ilene,” hissed the guy who was holding Hector.  
“Give him the keys, Elena,” Alicia said.  
She took the keys from her waistband and threw them on the floor.  
“Elena!” Alicia called as she pulled her, who now had Hector and me over to the side as she unblocked and opened the door, letting the infected out who went right for the remaining wedding party. They backed up and once the infected were through we went into the bar. We could see a lady with shoulder length blonde hair stumbling around.  
“Mom?” Alicia asked as we got closer.   
Its head turned, and we saw her face…it wasn’t Madison. I hit it with my bat, and it fell over. They weren’t in here. We ran into the kitchen and then up around to a place that had a metal door in the floor. Hector opened it and then we went down a ladder into another part of the hotel. Emergency lights bathed the narrow hall in yellow light for a moment and then it was dark, the space ahead only visible by Elena’s flashlight, then the lights would come on again but only for a moment. It was hard to see, it smelled bad in here and the infected were following us. We followed the hall, snaking around corners and then up a set of stairs to a pretty white door. Elena grasped the knob.  
“This shouldn’t be locked,” she said surprised.  
Hector went over and tried breaking the door down. Fuck, fuck, fuck…the dead were stumbling this way. There wasn’t another way out…  
I swung my bat, getting one, and then another, another…they just kept coming.  
“Help!” Alicia shouted. “Please! Open the door!” She pounded on the door and continued to call for help. A moment later it opened, Madison stood on the other side. She grabbed Alicia and then the rest of us ran through, shutting it behind us. I was happy to see Victor was with her.  
They hugged and then Victor and I grabbed a cabinet and scooted it over in front of the door.  
“Are you okay?” Madison asked Alicia.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
Madison turned to me. “Lexi?”  
I nodded and then she hugged us both.

The usual questions were asked, who were these people, where was Ofelia, as we walked down a hall and then a staircase to a small reception area.  
Bottles of water sat on the desk. I grabbed one and opened it, taking a long drink. There is something about being in a small area without escape and the dead coming towards you who want to eat you that really makes one thirsty.   
“We should go after Ofelia,” Madison said.  
“Which way would you have us go?” Victor asked. “If she didn’t take the truck, we’ll find her here in some state. If she did, she has a destination.”  
“Or she ran scared and is alone,” Madison countered. “I made a promise to Daniel.”  
“You can forget that one. Focus on what’s in the here and now.”  
I nodded and went for a high five from Victor.  
“She chose to leave Madison. Just let her go,” I said.  
“Should we let Nick go too?”  
My heart ached, and my eyes welled up. “Maybe,” I said annoyed.   
She stared me down for a moment and then moved over to the reception counter where Alicia had been folding clothes.  
“Is this all we have?”  
“Yes,” Elena said. “The guests control the rest of the hotel, the food stores.”  
“Is it a lot?”  
“Dry goods, canned goods. Yes, a lot. Enough for months. But these people want us gone. They still want me dead.”  
“Well, we need to talk to them,” Madison said. “Victor, with me.”  
They left and the rest of us stayed behind. Hector was quiet and about as tall as me, he had dark tightly curled hair and eyes just like Elena.   
“Hector, what’s your favorite color?” I asked.  
“What?”  
“Your favorite color, what is it?”  
“Um…gray. Why?”  
“Lexi thinks who someone is comes down to their favorite color,” Alicia said with a smile.  
“Yeah? What does mine say?”  
“You’re okay in my book.”  
“Is there a wrong answer?”  
“No,” I said shaking my head. “But I can’t hang out with people who like Orange or Red for example. We just don’t get along.”

Madison and Victor returned, they had the keys and we could get to work on clearing the rooms. Victor, Hector, Alicia, and I went up to the first floor with guest rooms and came to a door with a red tag hanging on the handle. Elena had gone through here already, marking the rooms with the dead inside.  
Hector looked at the door and then at us. “They can’t open doors; we could just leave it.”  
“We leave one, it gets free, we start over again,” Alicia said. “We’ve got to clean sweep this.”  
He turned back to the door, unlocking it, and opening it fast. One walked out, and Alicia got it in the head. It fell, and then Victor and I picked it up and put it on the rolly cart living people used to tote luggage. Once the cart was full, we then took it outside and dragged the bodies to a pile on the beach. Others were getting ready to burn them, pouring gasoline on the pile and adding bits from the tiki bar roof that would help burn. Some of the wedding party had come to help, following Madison’s lead.   
We had one floor down, one out of seventeen and it had taken several hours. We needed a better, more efficient plan.  
“Here,” Hector said walking over to where I sat on the beach and handing me a bottle of water.  
“Thank you,” I said taking the bottle.  
He sat next to me. “It’s nice to have people to talk to.”  
I smiled. “Yeah, it is.”  
It was also nice to just sit in silence with the ocean out in front of us. Which is what we did after saying how nice it was to have someone to talk to.   
“Come on guys,” Alicia called. “We have a new plan.”  
We went over to a different part of the hotel, this room was mostly windows, it looked like you took cooking classes in here, or it was a place to eat or something.   
“There are three sections to the hotel,” Elena was explaining. “But everything connects here. We channel them through that room,” she said pointing to the other end of the room with her axe.  
The new plan was to just lead a group of the dead to the pier and have them jump into the water where they would either be stuck or washed away with the tide.  
“That corridor leads to the pier,” Hector said.   
“Okay, anyone gets into trouble, bail, find a safe place,” Madison said. “I mean it. Otherwise channel them all toward me and I’ll lead them to the sea.” She walked over and put her hands-on Alicia’s arms. “Keep your eye on them. Stay ahead. Okay? You’re gonna be fine.”  
I left them to talk and went to get into position. The dead respond to yelling and loud noises. Hector got it going, pushing things over, causing a ruckus. I looked at Alicia who nodded and then music started playing on her phone. We sang through the streets outside the hotel, making them follow us.   
We walked up to the meeting point, Madison, Elena, and Victor were already there. Their groups stumbling over.  
“You sure you don’t need my help?” Hector asked.  
“It’ll only take one,” Madison said. “Just be there to meet me.”  
We took off and Madison led them out, we left the pier via a fence on the side and shut a gate, locking the infected in. And then down to the beach where others waited with a raft. I stayed on the shore with the others while Hector and Alicia got in the raft and then zoomed off to get to Madison.   
She led the infected to the end of the pier and then she jumped. The infected jumped right off after her. They pulled up in the raft, pulling Madison in and then zooming out of there. It had worked!

That evening to celebrate a job well done, the wedding party shared their food with us, who I will now be calling the nomad party, in a nice dining room. People had taken showers, none of us had blood on us. We had real dishes and it was nice. But this seemed to be the tradition, feel like you’re getting to a nice place with new people, have a nice meal, and then everything goes to shit.  
We looked at the empty chairs, Oscar, the groom and Ilene, the mother of the bride weren’t here.  
“Should we wait for them?” Hector asked.  
“My brother’s not ready for this,” said Andres.  
“Food will be here when he is,” Madison said.  
“What room is the honeymoon suite?” Victor asked.  
“Tower seventeen eleven,” Elena answered.  
He got up and left the room. The rest of us ate our food, cleaned up, and then went our separate ways.  
I found myself outside alone. Not something I did too much anymore, but I missed it and right now we were literally right on the ocean. The dead had been cleared away and so it was safe to go to the pier alone. I walked to about the middle and then sat down, dangling my legs, listening to the waves, feeling the breeze on my face.  
“Hey,” Hector said. “Can I sit?”  
“Sure,” I said with a wave of my hand.  
He sat next to me. “Alicia was asking about you, I told her I saw you come out here. She said you often went off on your own or did before.”  
“Yeah. Most people don’t like being alone but, I always found it…natural. But once the dead started walking around, well, things have been a little, scary alone.”  
“Where is your family?” he asked.  
“Well, my parents abandoned me and went back east where my brother and his family are. We have a place there; it was prepared for something like this. There are supplies, weapons, and it should be safe.”  
“They abandoned you?” he asked in disbelief.  
“Yeah, fucked up huh? I went down the street to the Clark’s and have been with them since.”  
“My brother is in Tijuana with some drug dealers…he left us.”  
“Family sucks…”  
We exchanged a few stories; I avoided all subjects that might lead back to Nick which left me with not that much to talk about. But it was okay, Hector seemed to be quiet too.   
Once I went back inside and then headed up to my room, I ran into Victor who was just coming out of the bar.  
“Hey, where did you go?”  
He sighed. “I talked to Oscar and then eventually he let me put down Jessica.”  
“His bride to be?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Are you…okay?”  
“I’m fine,” he said with a smile, but his eyes said he was sad.  
I gave him a hug. “If you wanna talk, or a buddy to hang out with while you drink…”  
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

I woke up with a scream and then promptly fell off the bed. I crawled over to a corner and tried to stop the flow of tears. It was just a nightmare…I kept reminding myself. Nick is a survivor, he’s clever and resourceful…he was probably okay. Alive, out there somewhere. I calmed down a bit and now that I had convinced myself he was okay, my mind turned on me. Why hadn’t I gone with him? Why did I always let him walk away? There was no point in beating myself up, it was already done, and nothing could change it. I pulled my shoes on and left my room. All I could see when I closed my eyes was his face, beautiful, even when covered in blood. His chocolate eyes and slicked back hair. I was just so tired…I wanted to sleep. But the nightmares were torture. I made my way down to the bar, grabbed a bottle of vodka and then went out to the pier. It was still dark, and stars lit up the sky. The wind blew, bringing the saltiness and bits of sand. I opened the bottle taking a long sip and then I looked up, trying to find my favorite constellations. Tears stung my eyes, everything made me think of him. We used to lay on my roof and look at the stars, most nights not being able to see much, being so close to the city…  
I tipped the botte back, I knew this was a bad idea, alcohol never made me feel better.   
But I enjoyed the slow burn of the liquid in my throat and how it could dull my sadness even if only for a few hours.   
Music filled my head. It was a sad song, but it would just eat me alive if I didn’t get it out.   
“’I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don’t bother me…I can take a few tears now and then and just let ‘em out…I’m not afraid to cry, every once in a while, even though going on with you gone still upsets me. There are days, every now, and again I pretend, I’m okay, but that’s not what gets me’…” My sadness was bubbling up, making it more difficult to sing but knowing I needed to sing the song all the way through. “’What hurts the most…is being so close, and having so much to say, watching you walk away’…” Tears spilled down my cheeks as I took another long drink. “’And never knowing, what could have been, not seeing that love in you, is what I was trying to do’.” The waves crashed below me, the wind continued, I doubted anyone would be able to hear me in the hotel and so I belted the song, hoping it would release my sadness, release the weight that had settled on my heart, and then maybe I could sleep. “’It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go. But I’m doing it. It’s hard to force that smile when I see your friends and I’m alone…it’s still harder, getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret’…”  
I hated him, hated that this was how I felt. Hated him for leaving me just like everyone else had. But I hated myself more, for not doing something. I never did anything. I let people tell me what to do, and that was it. Was I ever going to stand on my own two feet and be my own person? In my hatred, I loved him, and I missed him, and I worried about him…I felt like I’ve been suffocating, like I’m just trying to breathe and there is nothing there, no air. I felt like I was dying…every day, over and over. I saw him die, every time I closed my eyes. He was killed over and over in my nightmares and there was always some reason why I couldn’t get to him. I clasped to my knees on the pier.  
“’What hurts the most, is being so close and having so much to say, watching you walk away. And never knowing, what could have been. Not seeing that love in you, is what I was trying to do…What huts the most is being so close, having so much to say and watching you walk away…never knowing, what could have been, not seeing that love in you, is what I was trying to do. That’s what I was trying to do’…” I finished barely even saying words at this point since I couldn’t stop the tears. Every time I thought it was over there was a new wave that hit me.   
~*~  
“Lexi?”  
My eyes opened and then closed. The light was way too bright. “What’s happening?”  
“You’re on the pier,” Hector said.  
I sat up slowly, looking over at the bottle of vodka, it was about half full. My face felt itchy with dried tears as well as the sea air.   
“Is anyone else up?” I asked.  
“Not that I saw.”  
“Cool,” I said standing up and then wobbling a bit but correcting myself. Hector, I noticed had his arms out, ready to catch me. “I need to get inside.” I grabbed the bottle, looked at it for a moment and then turned, throwing it into the ocean.  
“I heard you singing last night…”  
“You did?” I asked as we started walking slowly. “I thought no one could hear. Sorry.”  
“No, it was…beautiful and sad.”  
He walked me all the way to my room.   
“I’m a good listener, if you wanted to talk. I’m even better at sitting in silence if you don’t.”  
He was smiling at me with his eyes. “Thank you. Right now, I’m just going to get a shower. But when the next wave of unbearable sadness hits me, I’ll come find you.”  
He nodded and then walked away. I entered my room and went straight to the bathroom, stripping down and getting in the shower. I forced my mind to stay blank, thinking of nothing and just falling into an easy routine of getting myself clean. Once out of the shower and dressed, I plunged under the covers of my bed, pretending I was not living this life. 

Over the next ten days we all worked together, cleaning up and securing the hotel. A garden has been planted; we even have seedlings now. We have taken gas from the cars nearby and the generators are filled so the electricity can be used during the day but never at night. Lighting up the whole place would draw unwanted attention. It’s agreed to only run the generators a few times a week, we even have ice now. We have been fishing and basically carving out a life, in the hotel, on the beach. It’s basically paradise in the middle of the apocalypse.   
Hector has been trying to Alicia how to surf and the three of us have been hanging out. At night, Hector and I spend time on the pier, usually not talking, just watching the waves. Which is cool. We have become friends. I was never good at making them, so this just snuck up on me. He was easy to be friends with, we both enjoyed silence, listening to the waves, and when the sadness threatened to take me, there was someone there who didn’t ask questions, didn’t expect an explanation or for me to just ‘be okay’. I enjoyed spending time with him and judging by the way his eyes lit up when we hung out, he felt the same.

Today starts off like normal but unfortunately things take a turn when Ilene stabs Victor in the stomach with a knife. She’s been in her room, refusing to come out since Victor put Jessica down, she’s been a wreck with grief. Hector and I learn what’s happening when we find Alicia frantically searching for a first aid kit. We all go to Madison’s room where Victor is lying on the bed. Andres is there, he apparently did a year and a half in med school and is our best bet of getting Victor stitched up. But he needs a medical kit and the supplies are not in the first aid kit. Elena says she knows a place but it’s a bit of a drive. Madison says to keep Ilene locked up and puts a no violence rule in place. If anyone causes violence they are out.   
After Andres makes a list of what he needs, Elena, Madison, and Oscar get ready. Elena wants Hector to go with them, because his brother, Antonio, is at the place they are going to, and she wants Hector to convince him to come home. But he refuses, he’s too angry that his brother chose drug dealers over his own family to begin with.   
Madison says they will be back in two hours and then they head out.

I went to see Victor, he was still in pain of course, but the bleeding had drastically slowed.   
“Lexi LaRue,” he said in his smooth yet gravelly voice when I walked in.  
I smiled. “It’s too bad the world is ending; you could have made a fortune reading books aloud.” He laughed and then groaned. “Sorry,” I said coming over and sitting by him. “How are you feeling?”  
“I want more alcohol, but I’ve been cut off.”  
“Well, we want your blood to clot, alcohol will prevent that.”  
He eyed me. “You always know more than you let on.”  
“Yeah,” I said with a shrug.  
“Are you…okay?”  
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”  
“We’ve all been through hell, it’s important to check in,” he said.  
I sat there for a moment, thinking and then I lit some weed, taking in a deep breath and passing it to him. “Natural pain relief.”  
“What are you going to do when it runs out?”  
“Blasphemy, my weed is magic and will last forever. Plus, I have seeds, so there is always the possibility of more if we can ever just stay put long enough to grow more.”   
He smiled. “Sing me a song.”  
“Really?” He nodded with his eyes half closed. “Okay,” I said, thinking about a perfect song. I let the music fill my head and then I began. “’When the sun came up, we were sleeping in, sunk inside a blanket, sprawled across the bed and, we’re dreaming. There are moments when, when I know it and, the world revolves around us. And we’re keeping it, keep it all going, this delicate balance, vulnerable all knowing. Sing like you think no one’s listening. You would kill for this, just a little bit, just a little bit, you would’…”  
I got lost in the song, like I tend to do, just thinking. Remembering Nick and all the times we had together…  
“’We’re glad for what we’ve got, done with what we’ve lost, our whole lives laid out, right in front of…sing like you think no one’s listening’…”  
Was it time to move on? Could I? Just go on, without him…?  
“’Sing me something soft, sad and delicate or loud and out of key, sing me anything’.”  
“Thank you.”  
I left the room, so he could get some sleep and I hung out with Hector until the others returned.

We were waiting in the front entrance when they pulled up. Hector hoped his brother was with them, but Elena shook her head. Madison brushed right past me without a word. Hector then went inside too, probably needing some time to himself.   
Elena was angry, apparently Madison had almost blown the whole thing by sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, as usual. But she heard about an American with ratty hair who has been supplying them with drugs. My breath caught, thinking what I’m sure Madison also thought.  
“What the hell is she doing?” Elena asked.  
When we turned to look, the hotel was lit up. A beacon in the darkness. Alicia made a run for it and a few minutes later, the hotel went dark again. The supplies were taken to Andres, who stitched up Victor. After visiting with him and bringing him some dinner, I went to check on Hector.   
“Hey, you missed dinner,” I said walking into his room.  
“I’m not hungry.”  
“Okay,” I said, setting the tray down on a dresser. “It’s here if you change your mind…now I don’t want to overstep but I am going to give you a hug, cause I’m your friend and you’re sad.”  
I walked over and bent down since he was sitting on the floor and hugged him at an awkward angle. He grabbed onto my arm as I went to stand up. A man of few words, or in this case, no words at all, I sat next to him in silence.   
Eventually he got up and brought the food over. I could feel a song rising…  
“’Gotta get up, I’ve got to get going, I’m gonna see a friend of mine. He’s round and he’s fuzzy, I love him because he’s just Pooh Bear, Winnie the Pooh Bear, looking for fun. Chasing some honeybees, Pooh Bear, I know he’s out there. Rumbly tumbly, climbing a honey tree. Fun never ends for us, we’re so adventurous, least every now and again. And when we’re alone, and there’s nobody home, it’s nice to be able to count on a friend, like Pooh Bear, Winnie the Pooh Bear. Wherever you go, oh won’t you take me please, Pooh Bear I gotta be there, it’s me and it’s you, my silly old Winnie the Pooh’.” I looked and over and he smiled. “Yes! A smile, that’s what I was going for!”  
I retired to my room after a while and got a hot bath, eventually falling asleep from exhaustion. 

The next morning there were a lot of people at the front gate, begging us to let them in. Madison, Alicia, Elena, Hector, Andres, Oscar, and I stood out there. The others kept saying they were sorry, and they couldn’t open the gates.   
We couldn’t let them in, it was too dangerous, I knew that…but some of the people there were just little kids.  
Suddenly Madison moved to the head of group, up to the gates. I tried to see what she saw, and there, in the back of the crowd, moving this way, was Travis!  
“She’s my wife,” he said to the others as he had pushed his way through.  
He made it to the front and he and Madison held hands for a moment before she instructed Oscar to open the gate. They of course didn’t want to.  
“He’s family, he’s family,” Madison said. “Open the gates.”  
They didn’t want to; I didn’t want a riot if we did and they pushed their way through.   
“How can we open the gate for him but keep everyone else out?” I asked.  
Madison looked at me, her eyes wild. “What if it was Nick?”  
That stung, and I looked away. “He’s family,” I said. “Open it up.”  
Alicia held Travis’ hand while Madison pleaded for the gates to be opened.  
“Where’s Chris?” she asked loudly, trying to be heard over the crowd.  
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”  
We work together to keep the gate closed while the other is being unlatched, opened up only a bit so Travis can squeeze through, and then shutting, locking, and securing it again.  
Travis and Madison held onto each other as they walked to the hotel.  
They were gone for a long time and eventually it was put to a vote, to let the rest of the people in or not. I didn’t want to, but I also didn’t want to turn those kids away, so I voted yes. We set them up in the ground level of the parking garage. There were forty-three people. Most, if not all needed some form of medical attention. Hector and I handed out blankets and water. Two makeshift exam rooms were set up using sheets, Alicia was helping with the doctoring part, since she used to volunteer at the hospital. Madison walked in and went to get an update from Andres.   
“Lexi, are you okay to hang out here?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. What about Travis?”  
“He’ll be okay,” she said.  
I nodded and then she went to get Alicia, the two of them walked out.  
“Can we spare some food?” I asked the others. “The kids look hungry.”  
“Yeah,” Elena said. “We can give them something.”  
Elena and I went to go get some stuff and then brought it back and passed it out.   
Later Alicia found me and told me, she and Madison had talked. Madison revealed to her that her dad had turned into oncoming traffic on purpose. He had left a very short note, which had been found in his glove compartment. She was sad about it, but what could be done?  
A schedule was arranged so that the new people would always have a few of our people watching them until we could decide who would be staying.   
Madison told Alicia and I that Travis and Chris ran into these three guys; James, Derek, and Brandon and they had stayed on a farm after they had killed the man that lived there. The man had shot James, trying to defend himself. Travis had been against it, and wanted to leave, but Chris wanted to stay and so, Travis did too. After a week of waiting for James to heal, the others were tired of waiting and they killed their friend. Then, they climbed into a truck. Chris was with them. He had begged his son to stay, but he didn’t, and they drove off, leaving Travis behind. He wandered around for two days until he saw the hotel light up and that’s how he found us.  
Travis wasn’t yet ready to come down, so the next morning, Alicia took him some food.   
Today we were a bit more organized with the people in the garage. Now, it was like a little camp, we set up a place to cook and gave out hot food. They were comfortable. Andres hadn’t slept though.  
More people had shown up last night, two of them being Americans, one appeared to have a dislocated shoulder and the other looked like he had seen better days but didn’t appear to be injured. As they waited for their turn to see Andreas, they were rude and obnoxious.   
“Hey, when is it our turn?” asked the one with light brown hair, a stupid mustache, and eyes that were wide but too close together as I passed by.  
The other with his arm in a sling, had dark brown hair, a fuzzy face. A cut across his nose and a bad attitude.   
“Probably when the doctor gets to you and not a minute before,” I said. They made another rude remark about the people around us. “Are you aware that you’re in Mexico?” I asked in my ‘are you stupid’ tone.  
“And?”  
“So why not shut the fuck up? We didn’t have to let you in and if you keep it up, I’ll make sure you are seen last.”  
Mustache stood up; he was pissed. He was also about a foot shorter than I was. “You bitch!”  
“Throw a tantrum, see how far that gets you.” He began to walk over. “You think you can take me?” I asked. “I think you’ll lose.”  
Hector came over “You okay Lexi?”.  
“Yep,” I said never taking my eyes off them.  
Mustache backed off and sat down once more.

Madison had just come down and was being brought up to speed. Hector and I went over to her and Alicia.  
“Can we kick them out?” Alicia asked as they made another joke. “Seriously, they’re actually awful.”  
“Where did they come from?” Madison asked.  
“They showed up late last night,” Hector said. “They were in a wreck.”  
“Andres says that one’s got a dislocated shoulder,” Alicia said pointing with her cooking spoon. “He didn’t have the heart to send them away.”  
“My man needs some medical attention,” said mustache. “Hello! Por favor!”  
“Alright,” Madison said. “I’m gonna see what I can do,” she said and then she walked over.   
She learned the truck they had been in, flipped several times, Brandon, ended up with a dislocated shoulder, while Derek didn’t have a scratch. The driver didn’t make it and Brandon couldn’t figure out how someone could have grown up in LA and not known how to drive. Derek had known their driver was only sixteen and didn’t know how to drive but let him anyway. Madison went to talk to Victor; she didn’t know what to do.

A while later she returned, the plan was to fix them up and then send them on their way. Travis couldn’t know they were here.   
But as they thought they were being moved to a room, the others took notice and they weren’t happy with that decision. People were talking really fast, or at least that’s how Spanish always sounded to me. I could tell by their body language and raised voices; they weren’t happy.   
They got up and followed us, angry. We walked them to the gates.  
Once Derek and Brandon realized they were being thrown out, they didn’t like the idea. But we kept pushing them to the gate.  
“Maddy! Wait! Stop, stop!” Travis yelled running over to us. He made it through the crowd and looked at them. “Where’s Chris? Where’s my son?” Everyone stopped and looked at Travis. “Come on, Brandon, tell me where he is,” he said walking closer to them. “Where is my son?” Madison shook her head. “Come on, tell me. I need to know.”

The rioting subsided, and the people went back to the garage. We took Brandon and Derek inside, so they could tell Travis what happened to Chris before they left.  
We put them in a small room.  
“I’ll tell you everything, alright?” Brandon said. “I will, man, but I can’t think straight with my arm like this.”  
“Yeah,” Derek said. “Can you fix my man’s shoulder, Travis?”  
“Please? Can you do that?” Brandon asked.  
Travis walked slowly towards him.   
“Trav?” Madison asked.  
“It’s okay, Maddie,” he said getting a stool and setting it on the floor. “I…I just need to know. Okay? Here,” he said.  
Brandon sat down and then Andres walked over, untied the sling and got ready to pop Brandon’s shoulder back into place. Travis held onto Brandon’s other side, to hold him in place. Andres did it really slowly. We all heard the crack as it went back where it should be.   
“That’s it?” Brandon asked.  
“Yeah, you’ll be sore a few days,” Andres said. “But that’s it,” and then he went back to the entryway as Travis sat on a stool in front of him.  
“Now,” he said with a sigh. “Tell me. What happened to my son?” Madison came over to stand by him.  
“Look,” Brandon said. “We’ll tell you what happened. Alright? But…look, we’re scared here, Travis. Now, you gotta promise something. Please.”  
Travis reached out and grabbed Brandon’s arm, pulling it out and hurting his newly located shoulder.  
“We’ll tell you,” Derek said. “We’ll tell you. Come on, we’ll tell you!”  
Brandon continues to cry out until Travis lets go of his arm.   
They continued to try and negotiate getting a vehicle and supplies. Madison gave in instantly, despite our protests.  
Brandon was holding onto his shoulder. “We didn’t get far,” he began. “After we left. Wasted. Banditos on the highway, it was all one step forward, two steps back. We were on no sleep. Me and Derek doing the driving. We could barely keep our eyes open. Chris…he volunteered, man. Okay, look, we didn’t ask. He offered.”  
“Yeah, he wanted to contribute,” Derek said.  
“What happened next?” Madison asked.  
“It went sideways, man,” Brandon said. “He must’ve dozed off. I’m sorry. The next thing you know…we started rolling. The truck must’ve rolled half a dozen times. Chris went through the windshield. He was dead when we found him.”  
Tears stung my eyes.  
“Was he?” Travis asked.  
“What?”  
“Was he dead when you found him?” he asked.  
“Yeah. Yeah, man, he was,” Brandon said.  
“I’m sorry, Travis,” Derek said.  
Travis began to cry.   
“His neck was sort of jacked, you know?” Brandon said. “Like he…like he broke it going through the glass.”  
Madison put her hand on Travis’ shoulder, trying to comfort him.  
“Yeah…” Travis said as he stood up.   
We all walked out of the room, Travis was right behind us, but he turned back.  
“Where is he?” he asked. “Where’s Chris? Where did you leave my son?”  
“We took care of him after, Travis,” Derek said. “We pulled him out and we buried him by the tree. He would’ve like it.”  
“So, was he thrown, or did you pull him out?”  
“What?” Derek asked.  
“Which was it?”  
“No, he was thrown,” Brandon said. “He was thrown, and we pulled him the rest of the way to the tree.”  
He slowly shut the door, locking it so we couldn’t get in and they couldn’t get out.   
“Let them go,” Madison said. “Just let them go. Let them go.”  
He looked at Madison for a moment and then he turned back to the guys. He grabbed Derek and shoved him hard into a counter and then proceeded to beat him.   
“No! Travis! Stop!” Madison yelled.  
Brandon tried to run by, but Travis grabbed him.   
“What did you do?” he yelled, holding Brandon by his neck and pushing him up against a window. “What did you do?”  
Travis headbutted him and then Derek grabbed onto Travis’ back, trying to pull him off.   
He kept trying to get them to tell him what happened, where was Chris. Madison kept yelling for Travis to stop and then she turned to us, yelling for someone to go get the keys.  
He threw them in the floor, and they promised to tell him what happened if he would stop.   
Brandon said they killed him, they had to put him down. Travis stood there, still and silent for a moment and then he snapped. He went after them, beating them for real. Nothing could hold him back now. Oscar came back with the keys and he unlocked the door, opened it and then tried to go inside.  
“Hey stop! That’s enough!”  
Travis slammed the door hard into Oscar, hitting his head, blood spurted out and he fell onto the floor. Travis shut and locked the door once more and then went back to finish what he started. I looked away, but I could still hear everything. Madison begged for him to stop, but he didn’t, until they were dead and then he collapsed into a corner.   
Hector grabbed a chair outside and smashed the window, then he and Andres got into the room. Madison told them to hurry up and unlock the door. Andres went right to Oscar and Madison went to Travis who wasn’t responding. Suddenly Elena appeared with a few others, she said something in Spanish and then they picked Travis up and took him out of the room despite Madison’s protests. Other people helped Andres pick up Oscar and cart him out of there. Alicia and I just stood there in silence. I noticed Victor was outside and went over to him.  
“Elena just let me talk to him. Please, please…”  
“He killed two people,” she shot back. “He hurt one of our own.”  
“Where are you taking him?” Madison asked getting angry.  
“Somewhere safe,” Hector responded holding her back.  
Victor took Madison’s arm and Hector held up his hands. “We’ll take care of Oscar, then we’ll figure out what to do with your husband.”  
“He just lost his son!”  
“Madison, they don’t care,” Victor said.  
“He didn’t know what he was doing,” she said shaking free from Victor and following them.  
“Madison,” Victor said more firmly, grabbing her again. “They don’t care. You’re not helping.”  
People from the garage stood outside in various groups, watching the scene unfold.   
Madison looked at Alicia. “Give me your knife.”  
She took it out of her pocket and then handed it over. Madison went back into that room and stabbed Derek in the head, to prevent him from turning.  
“Madison,” Victor said, and when she looked at him, he nodded towards Brandon who had reanimated.  
She grabbed him by his hair and then plunged the knife in his head and then she walked past us and out of the room. After a moment we followed her.  
“It’s ill-timing Madison,” Victor said. “You cannot speak to Travis.”  
“He’s family,” she replied not looking back.  
“He failed you. He compromised us.”  
“Bullshit. We were compromised before Travis got here. If I hadn’t lit the goddamn beacon, none of this would have happened. It’s on me.”  
“Argue for him, it hurts us. Think about that, think about Alicia, about Lexi.”  
“I fought for Elena before, I can talk to her. I’ll convince her.”  
“Convince her of what?”  
“He’s lost too much to deserve this, Victor,” she said as we rounded a corner.  
Up ahead we could see Travis in that long room where all the buildings met, were we had lured the infected through a few days ago.  
“They can’t just keep him locked up like that.”  
“Locked up? Madison, they’re going to exile him.”  
“Then we’ll stop them.”  
“This was your decree. What are you going to say to dissuade them? What are you gonna do?”  
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She looked away.  
“What are we going to do?” Alicia asked. “We’ve done as much bad as good here. We’ve lost our place.”  
“We earn it back, by not fighting for Travis,” Victor said.  
“But he found us,” Alicia said. “With all of this, he found us. That has to matter. We can’t ignore it.”  
“Madison, I’m sorry, but the man cannot stay.”  
“You’re right,” Alicia said. “You’re right. He can’t stay.” Victor nodded and then turned around.  
“We…we can leave with him. We can go together.”  
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Victor muttered.  
“No, Alicia…” Madison began but Alicia cut her off.  
“Mom, we can’t kick him out. We can’t let that be who we are.”  
“I won’t do that to you.”  
“You don’t have a choice. You’re not gonna let Travis die out there alone because you’re scared for me. We’re past that. Look,” she said lowering her voice. “We found this place. We’ll find another. Lexi, back me up here.”  
“There are other places,” I said. “Hell, we could even try for Florida. I guarantee you; my HQ is still standing.”   
Alicia nodded and turned back to Madison. “Mom, we’ve lost too many.”  
Madison looked at her daughter and then there was a hint of a smile on her face. It was decided.  
“Are you really gonna leave?” Victor asked his voice calm once more. “For the man who abandoned you?”  
We all looked at Madison. “Come with us, Victor,” she said after a moment.  
“I had the chance to kill myself,” he said. “I chose not to. I wouldn’t die for him, and I’m not dying for any of you.” He walked away.

We walked into the rec room where Elena and Hector stood, guarding the room beyond where Travis was.  
“What?” Elena asked.  
“How’s Oscar?” Madison asked.  
“Unconscious,” Hector answered. “Andres is working on him.”  
“We’re sorry,” Alicia said.   
“Yeah, now,” he replied.  
“What do you want?” Elena asked.  
“Travis did violence,” Madison answered. “So, he has to leave.”  
“Your rule,” Hector said.  
“Yes, but you don’t have to force him out. We’ll go. All of us. Give us till morning, you’ll never see us again.”  
I could feel eyes on me, and I looked over, Hector was looking at me and then he looked at Elena nodded.  
“Esta bien,” she said.  
“Give him to us now,” Madison said.  
Hector stood in front of the door.  
“You don’t have to hold him if we’re leaving. What’s the point? He’s not going to hurt anyone.”  
“The damage is already done,” Hector replied.  
“He won’t do anything,” Alicia said. “I’ll see to it.”  
“No,” Hector said firmly.  
Elena said something, and then Hector walked over to her, he didn’t like it, but Elena kept on and then she turned to us. “You leave at dawn.”  
The door was opened.  
“Check on Oscar, if anything goes sideways, we should know,” Madison whispered.  
Alicia began walking, I looked back at Hector who was looking at me again and then went after Alicia. I was so many paces behind her that when I made it out to the hallway, she was already gone.   
“Lexi,” Hector called.  
I turned and waited for him. “Yeah?”  
“Stay,” he said as his eyes pleaded.  
I was taken aback, not expecting that. “I can’t.”  
“I’ll talk to the others…this could be your home. We could take care of each other,” he said reaching out and taking my hand.  
I looked into his dark eyes, he was serious, he wanted me to stay. My hand felt weird entangled with his and a moment later I pulled my hand free. “Thank you. But no,” I said and then I walked away.  
Alicia was coming back when I found her. Oscar hadn’t woken up yet and Andres had to remove a piece of his brother’s skull in an attempt to stop the swelling. He asked Alicia to leave.  
“We should go pack our stuff,” I said.  
“Yeah okay.”

Once we were packed, we went to Madison’s room, where the four of us ate dinner and then Alicia fell asleep. I tried but sleep never came. Madison and Travis were talking over by the balcony, but with the door open and I couldn’t hear what they were saying with the breeze and crashing waves. I knew we had to leave, but man, I really loved living in a hotel on the ocean.   
A while later Madison walked into the bedroom and laid down by Alicia, falling asleep in no time.

I heard the door open and then saw Travis stand up in the living room.  
“No, no, not in here. Don’t make them see this,” he said.  
I got up and walked over to the doorway. Hector, Andres and two other guys were in the room. Hector punched Travis the face and he fell on the floor, knocking over a lamp. That woke up the others and then we were all in there.  
“Stop it!” Madison said. “We had a deal!”  
“Oscar is dead!” Hector said.  
“Okay, so let us leave. We’ll go,” Madison said. “Let us go. We’ll go now.”  
“Come on,” Hector said. “Stand him up!”  
“Andres, make them let us go,” Alicia pleaded as a man held us back.  
“Hector, stop!” I yelled.  
But he didn’t listen and then Andres stuck a gun in Travis’ face.  
“Why does he get to walk away?” Andres asked.   
Travis held his hands up as Hector and the other guy released him but stood close by.  
“Take me out of here,” Travis said shaking his head. “Where they don’t have to see this.”  
“You killed him,” Andres said. “But I had to cut him open. I had to end it.”  
“Andres, put down the gun,” Alicia yelled.  
“Hector,” I said. “Make him stop.”  
“Not fair,” Andres said.  
“You’re right, it’s not fair,” Travis said. “Maddy, get out of here. Take Alicia and Lexi with you.”  
“No,” Madison responded. “Don’t.”  
Andres was going to do it. I saw him go to squeeze the trigger and that’s when Alicia broke free and lunged. The gun went off, but it missed Travis, Alicia had plunged her knife into Andres’ chest.  
“I’m sorry…” she whispered.  
A moment later he fell onto the floor.  
“No!” Hector yelled as he tackled Alicia.  
I had time to grab my bat and I hit Hector in his side. He coughed, and blood splattered out. He let go of Alicia and then the others went after me. Travis pulled one back and I swung my bat.  
“Everybody out!” Victor yelled. “All of you!”  
He was now holding Andres’ gun, pointing it at the intruders. The guys got up and helped Hector who was still alive, then the three of them exited the room. Andres was still on the floor; you could hear his ragged breathing.  
“We need to run, now,” Victor said.  
I went and grabbed mine as well as Alicia’s backpack. I put mine on and handed her hers.   
“Alicia come on!” Madison said. “Travis, get her.”

We left the room and went down to the first floor, and outside. We went right for a vehicle.  
“Victor, come on,” Madison called as he moseyed on over. “We need to go.”  
He said nothing but held the gun out to her. She shook her head.  
“I’ll be okay. Go.”  
She was still standing there and so I took the gun. He nodded at me and I returned the nod, and then I got in the backseat with Alicia.  
“Now,” Victor said and a moment later she turned and got in with us.  
Travis peeled out of there. “Hold on,” he said as we gained speed and we went right into the gate. It crashed open and then we were on the road.  
Riding in the car always made me sleepy, my eyes drooped, and I was out.

When the car stopped, I woke up.   
“What’s happening?” I asked.  
“We’re at the place where Mom went to get medicine,” Alicia said as she got out.  
I got out too, coming around the truck and linking my arm with hers.  
“Had to have been a hundred people here,” Madison said as we walked in.  
The building appeared to be empty. Travis rattled a shopping cart, making a lot of noise. We heard nothing.  
“There’s an office upstairs,” she said. “The leader was asking about the colony and about Nick. Maybe something will tell us where they went,” she said walking towards the back of the store.  
Travis followed her. I noticed there was still some food on the shelves. So, I helped myself.  
“Mom?”  
I came around an isle and saw Alicia standing there, looking ahead to where Travis and Madison were. “Mom,” she repeated, and Madison shined her flashlight over. “What are you doing?”  
They had been searching in the pockets of three dead individuals that had each been shot in the head.  
One of them had an ID on them with an address, it wasn’t far from here and so that’s where we were headed. We got back into the truck, it started, and I went to sleep.  
When it was parked, we got out and made our way to the colony. However once there, Madison told us to go back to the truck and lock the doors, then she and Travis went on ahead.  
“See that?” I asked pointing with my bat.  
There was a school bus and the blinker was on.  
“Let’s go,” she said.  
Together we went over there. Inside was a man, barely alive. We got him out of the driver’s seat and onto the floor. Alicia took off her button down over shirt to make a pillow for his head.   
Madison and Travis then entered the bus.  
“He’s alive, for now,” Alicia said. “He hasn’t spoken yet.”   
Madison came over and knelt down by the man.   
“We don’t have much time,” Travis said.  
The man opened his eyes, just a sliver, and looked at Madison.   
“I’m looking for my son, Nick.”  
He said something in Spanish, but the sentence ended with ‘Nick’.  
“Si, si,” Madison said. “Yes. You know where he is?” she said calmly, quietly. “Is he still alive?”  
“Border,” he said. “He saw something.”  
My heart seized, he was alive, I thought as chills ran through me!  
Then the man died, a moment later Alicia took out her knife, handing it to Madison. She closed the man’s eyes and then stabbed him in the head.  
We left that place and headed north.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I hope you are enjoying this fanfiction. I realize I didn't change much from the original story other than adding Lexi, but I really enjoyed the storyline up until mid season 3 or so...more significant changes are coming, especially in Part Three. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!   
> (I have a fantastic Game of Thrones fic called: The Wolf and the Hound, if you're interested.)  
> Feedback is always appreciated!


	3. Part Three Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Troy Otto, things will never be the same.

Part Three 

Chapter Three

At the boarder we were captured by people in military clothes. They bound our hands, took our stuff, and all of our weapons. Each of us had a person on either side of us, holding our arms and dragging us along. We tried to fight back but there were too many and they had more weapons than we did. As we walked we came upon a large compound, there were bodies all over the place. Madison stumbled and fell.  
“Get your hands off her!” Travis shouted.  
They picked Madison up and Alicia found another surge of energy as she began to struggle against our captures.  
“We’re just looking for my brother!” she said angerly as she struggled against them.  
“Stop fighting Alicia, stop,” Madison warned.  
We walked through a large gate, there was a sign that read: ‘MILITARY BASE RESTIRCTED AREA’.  
“I wanna talk to somebody,” Madison said. “I wanna talk to somebody in charge, please.”  
That’s when they began taking Madison, Alicia, and I to one vehicle and Travis to another.  
“No! Stop!” Madison yelled. “Where are you taking him? Travis!”  
“It’s okay Maddy,” he said trying to reassure her.  
No one would answer Madison. After a short drive we were taken out of the car and into a building, finally ending in an office. They cut our hands free and left us in there, locking the door as they went. Too much ‘Prototype’ and the way the military had treated us in the beginning of all this, said we needed to get out of here.  
We imminently began combing over the office, looking for anything that could be used as a weapon, or a way out. But there was nothing.  
“What if we throw the chair into the window?” I asked.  
“No, we need to be stealthy and make a run for it.”  
“We shouldn’t have come here,” Alicia said. “We shouldn’t be looking for him. That always blows back on us.”  
The door suddenly was being unlocked, we turned and in walked a guy, tall as me, with short curly-ish, short brown hair and a military uniform. He was carrying a tray with three bowls and three paper cups.  
“Hi,” he said with a bit of a country accent. “Sorry to keep you. I’m Troy.” He sat the tray down on the desk. “Please, please sit,” he said motioning to the chairs and couch with his hand.  
But we just stood there, staring at him. He looked down at the tray and then back to us. “Tea? The coffee wasn’t brewed so, I uh... Oh I, I spoke to my men,” he said crossing the small room and shutting the door. “You shouldn’t have been handled so roughly.”  
“Then why were we?” Alicia asked.  
“You came from the border. Border’s dangerous, folks want our fuel and we’ve had attacks.”  
“Well we weren’t attacking Troy,” Madison said.  
“We still have to process you ma’am, it’s just security protocol.”  
“Where’s Travis?”  
“He’s being processed, separately,” he said moving cups onto the desk and off the tray.  
“What does that mean?” Alicia asked.  
“I need to know where you came from, and who you came with. And if someone else is joining, I need to know who and how many and what direction.”  
“We came alone,” Madison said. “We’re just looking for my son, Nick. We need your help.”  
Troy sat down on the edge of the desk.  
“Uh, huh,” he mumbled as he nodded. “And uh, you traveled north from uh, Mexico?” he asked as he fished what appeared to be a journal out of his side pants pocket, he opened the book and began to flip through the pages. “Why, why Mexico?”  
“We had a friend,” Madison said after a moment. “Had a place there.”  
“Travis?” he asked.  
“No, he’s…he’s…we’re together,” she said like the question caught her off guard.  
“Oh,” Troy said quietly, as if that was so weird to him. He began writing in the notebook.  
Alicia and I both looked at Madison, but her eyes were trained on Troy and we gave each other a look instead.  
“It’s gonna get cold,” Troy said not looking up from the journal.  
“What?” Alicia asked.  
“The tea,” he said looking up. “My mother only ever drank it piping hot, so…” His eyes fell on each of us for us a moment, when his eyes met mine a strange sensation cascaded through me. “Sorry, there’s uh, no American’s here, besides my people.”  
“Then let us go,” Madison said.  
Troy looked like he wanted to say something but then closed his mouth.  
“My son, he’s, he’s out there somewhere. Alone. I’m sure if you were lost in the wasteland, your mother would do anything to find you,” Madison said walking closer.  
He looked at her for a moment, and then shook his head. “My mother passed, ma’am,” he said just above a whisper.  
“I’m sorry,” she replied.  
“And I…I don’t get lost much anyway.”  
“So,” I said. “What’s happens to us once we’re processed.”  
“Oh, well, I mean, I don’t want to send you ladies out to slaughter, but, you get this squared away, you get supplied, and off you go. That good?” he asked as he stood up.  
Madison paused as she looked him over. “Good,” she replied stiffly.  
“Now, what are your names?” he asked.  
“Madison, Alicia, and Lexi,” Madison answered.  
“Mother and daughters?”  
I was about to answer when Madison cut me off. “We’re family.”  
He nodded and then walked over to the door, looked back at us with a slight smile and then walked out, the door locking again.  
Madison and I went back to ransacking the place and Alicia was pouring her tea into a potted plant.  
“He’s gonna kill us,” Alicia said.  
“No,” Madison answered quietly. “He’s treating us too well.”  
“Why do you think that is?” I asked.  
“I don’t know,” Madison answered. “He seems to like us.”  
“He didn’t just bring us here to drink tea and let us go,” Alicia said.  
“I’ll convince him,” Madison replied.  
“And what if it doesn’t work?” Alicia asked.  
“No,” I said. “We have to be positive.”  
“You be positive,” she said. “I want to be ready.”  
“If it doesn’t work, I’ll twist his arm,” Madison said. “Force him, make him do the right thing,” she said as she was trying to knock the legs off a chair, she was getting frustrated.  
“Mom…”  
“There’s got to be something here!”  
“Mom,” Alicia said and then she revealed her butterfly knife in her shoe, she took it out and opened it up. “I hid it, before they took us.”  
“Baby…” Madison said and then she took the knife, putting it in her back pocket.  
“I didn’t think about it. I just did it.”  
“You saved Travis,” she said.  
“Yeah, to what end?” she grumbled.  
“We’ll get out of here. I’ll get us out,” Madison said.  
“How?” I asked.  
“Killing if comes to it. And if it does, when it does, it’s me.”

Night falls, Madison sits on the couch, Alicia is by her, laying on her mother asleep. Madison was stroking Alicia’s hair, looking forward, plotting going through her mind. I was curled up in one of the chairs. My mind going so fast as I went over the last two days. It was even worse because they took my weed…I couldn’t get it to stop on its own, all the worse thoughts were just swirling around in my head in a thought cyclone of doom! One thought in particular kept popping up…I didn’t want to think about it… I could still hear the sound my bat made when I hit Hector. I didn’t want to do it, he was my friend. But I had to save Alicia. We left so fast and now I would never know if I had killed him…  
I sighed and decided to think ahead…Nick could be so close. That’s what I decided to focus on. I couldn’t sleep and so I spent the night meditating until I couldn’t do that anymore. When I came out of my meditation I noticed Madison had moved from the couch and had pulled two chairs together which she now slept awkwardly in. Alicia was stretched out on the couch. Over at the desk I found some paper and a pen and began to doodle and a while after that I was writing song lyrics and then I wrote letters to Nick. All the things I had wanted to say after we drove off in the truck.  
I met Troy’s eyes when he opened the door.  
“I didn’t expect anyone to be awake,” he said quietly as he sat down a tray.  
“I don’t sleep much anymore,” I said as my eyes drifted to the tray.  
“I’ve got coffee and crackers.”  
“Thank you,” I said reaching for some crackers. They were in a sealed package, snack size. So, I figured they probably weren’t poisoned.  
He sat on one of the chairs in front of the couch and pulled out his notebook. I wondered what he was writing but I didn’t want to ask, I just observed.  
A while later Madison woke up and sat up slowly.  
“Morning,” Troy said quietly. “I didn’t wanna wake you. The coffee’s warm.”  
She looked at the desk and saw me sitting there, an empty package of crackers in front of me as I swiveled in the chair. She gave me a look.  
“You do what you want but it felt like my stomach is eating itself. It was disgusting.”  
She turned back to Troy. “What are you writing?”  
“Oh, it’s just observations,” he said, and I felt something inside me, a feeling I often had when I happened to find someone like me, which was so rare. “I’ve always been a bit of a nature boy. I just, I mark things down. It will matter, later.”  
“Did we pass the processing?”  
“Oh, yeah, yeah, you passed. Flying colors.”  
“Did Travis?”  
“There’s uh, a different criteria for him,” he said as he looked away. “I’m not a bad person.”  
“No one said you were,” Madison said.  
“Some have,” he replied looking back.  
“Are we being honest?” Madison asked going into her councilor mode.  
“Yeah.”  
“Is Travis dead?” she asked quietly.  
“It would hurt you, if he was?” he asked, his voice getting gravely.  
Madison looked away. “I love him,” she said.  
He looked at her. “You, love his life more than yours?” he asked, his eyebrows coming together.  
“That’s how I feel, about Nick,” I said suddenly but quietly. “I would give up mine, for his. No question.”  
Troy looked at me, our eyes meeting, something in his eyes, but I couldn’t read it.  
“Yeah,” Madison answered.  
“Two ways it cuts huh? You can’t sleep cause of what’s weighing on you or bad times just waiting for you when you wake.”  
“What do you want?” Madison asked.  
“This areas burned,” he said quietly. “You shouldn’t go back out there. We’re leaving,” he said. “I can take you home with us. All three of you.”  
“What about Travis?”  
“Our resources are limited.”  
“Is he alive?”  
He paused. “I’ll release him, I will…if you come.”  
“Is that truth?”  
A gunshot rang out.  
“Troy?” Madison asked as he got up quickly and went over to the door. “Let us go, Troy. Let us go. Please!”  
He flung it open and ran out, closing and locking the deadbolt before Madison could get the door open. Alicia was awake now and we were all standing in the middle of the room.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escaping the base.

Chapter Four

About ten minutes later the door begins to unlock, we spring into our places after having come up with a plan. Troy walked in, he didn’t see any of us and then Madison lunged at him from behind the door. She had the knife, but he grabbed her and slammed her hands into the desk until the knife was thrown from her hand. Alicia jumped up, being the closest to the knife, but Troy tackled her and pushed her into the wall. Madison grabbed Troy before I could get over there, and she had him from behind. He tried making her let go by slamming her into the wall. When that didn’t work, he picked her up, she was on his back, not letting go and then he fell over backwards onto the desk. I took advantage of that opportunity to go for the knife. That’s when Madison found a spoon and stabbed it into his right eye. He yelled out, they continued to fight and then Madison had him.   
“You move, you lose your eye! You two, go find a vehicle that works! I’ll find Travis and I’ll come and find you!”  
Alicia and I ran out of the room and then down a hall.   
Outside, we were hunkered down by military hummers, as rain sprinkled us, a helicopter flew overhead. We waited till it passed and then Alicia opens a door, she starts looking for keys, I’m lookout, some people start walking over. I tap Alicia and then we drop to the ground and roll under the hummer. Once they pass, we get out from under there and look for another vehicle we can get into. One has a window down, another search for keys. We hear someone shouting, though it’s muffled. We go over, following the noises to a storm drain. Inside, we see Nick, one of the infected are on top of him.  
“Nick!” Alicia yells.  
“Help us!” a lady screeches.   
I toss Alicia’s knife down into the drain. It lands on the ground; the lady grabs it and plunges it into the infected’s head.  
“Nick!” Alicia says as we both try to open the cover of the storm drain.  
Suddenly we are seized and then dragged away by more soldiers.  
“Lexi! Alicia!” Nick calls  
“No, no, no, no!” Alicia says as I struggle against them to no avail.

“Mom!” Alicia yells as we are taken around a corner.  
“Oh my God,” Madison said walking over to us.  
We were released and ran over to Madison who hugged us both.  
A moment later a lady and Nick are brought over. He sees us and stops struggling.  
“Let him go,” Madison said.  
My skin chills as I see him, alive, and okay, and real. He hugged Madison and then grabbed Alicia, hugging her too. Our eyes met, he let go of them and then hugged me, tight. He’s alive…

We were allowed to leave; we were given our stuff back and we were also allowed to take some of their supplies. Madison and Travis spoke with Jake, who was Troy’s older brother and the whole reason we were able to leave. Madison told Jake we would need our weapons back and I demanded to know where my bat was. It was returned to me.  
I needed to talk to Nick, and I found him hovering over that lady who was being tended to, she appeared to be in a lot of pain. I walked over, and he glanced at me.   
“Hey,” he said.  
“Hey?” I asked, confused.  
“I…I don’t know what to say. I’m so relieved you guys are okay.”  
He was acting weird. Distant, I felt like, I couldn’t tell him everything I was feeling at that moment. And he always felt so open to me. Our relationship was built completely on honesty. But right now, as he would hardly even look at me, I felt like I was standing next to a stranger.   
“Who is she?” I asked.  
“Her name is Luciana; I met her a while back and…we’re…together.”  
I felt so defeated, my heart twisting. Like everything I thought we were and had been, was all a lie. Or at least on his side.   
“A while back? You’ve only been gone for sixteen days.”  
“It feels like so much longer,” he said looking beyond me.  
“What about…us?” I asked my voice breaking.  
He wouldn’t look at me. “I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again.”  
“Okay,” I said slowly, annoyed that he was being so distant and then quickly walked away, grabbed a bag and began filling it. Each of us got one bag to fill with supplies. I walked several feet away. Trying to make myself look busy to anyone who might see me, but really, I was crying. I didn’t want to do this in front of anyone else. Luckily, I knew how to cry in silence.   
When I looked up, I flinched, locking eyes with Troy. He was about six feet away, observing me, how you might think of an owl looking at you. His good eye large with curiosity, the right one still had blood running out and down his face.   
“Would he give up his life for you?” he asked.  
I wiped my face quickly. “Let’s get one thing clear, the only reason you’re still alive is because of your brother.”  
“Does he deserve your loyalty?”  
Anger flared inside, and I crossed the distance between us. “You knew he was here,” I hissed. “I told you how I feel about him. And you were going to have him killed.”  
He backed up a few steps with his hands held up. “I was going to let him go.”  
I narrowed my eyes. “Like you were going to let Travis go?” He opened his mouth but closed it a moment later. “I’d rather die than live in this world without him. It doesn’t matter if he deserves my loyalty. I will protect him, forever. He’s family. I love him…” I looked over to where Nick stood looking concerned about Luciana. “Even if, he’s not with me…” I said, my heart hurting. “I choose who is worth my loyalty and fuck what everyone else thinks. You almost took him away forever. The world is different now, and I’ll kill anyone who fucks with my family.”  
“I’m…sorry…”  
I scoffed and then hit him, hard, a solid punch to the stomach. It wasn’t enough, he deserved more pain, but we had to leave. “Sorry,” I said and then I turned on my heel and walked away.  
Troy and his men, were killing people and timing how long it would take for them to turn. Travis, Nick, and Luciana had almost suffered that fate.   
I put my backpack on and then we heard a gunshot. Suddenly the dead were everywhere.   
I ran after Madison; she was getting surrounded. I had my bat and Nick joined me using a tire iron. We smashed in heads, it was disgusting, because their heads cave in and splat just like when you step on a really big roach. There were so many, and they just kept coming, the three of us stood close by while they continued to close in. We begin hitting them again, there’s nothing else we could do. Suddenly shots ring out and all around us the dead start to fall. Troy was standing in the back of a pick-up truck; he yells at us.  
“Get in! Come on!”  
After a moment of hesitation Madison tells us to come on, we run over, and pile into the back with him. He continues to shoot, I look around and spot Travis in a helicopter, and since Madison isn’t freaking out, it’s safe to assume Alicia is with him.  
“Alright, let’s go!” Troy yelled suddenly slamming his hand down on the truck and then he moved and sat in front of Madison. I was on her right and Nick was by me.   
“We’ll meet them there,” Troy said following Madison’s gaze. “We’re all going to the same place now.”  
The truck was moving, taking us out of the base and into the wasteland beyond. Troy’s eyes fell on me and he gave a slight nod. He had just saved us, saved Nick. I nodded back.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drive to the ranch is intense, especially when Lexi has a nightmare partway through. 
> 
> This chapter features lyrics from the songs:  
> 'The Truth' by Good Charlotte  
> 'Give Me A Sign' by Breaking Benjamin
> 
> With mentions of 'Love Me Till it Hurts' by Papa Roach

Chapter Five

We drove for a while, about half an hour, I’d say and then we stopped. The people who were in the truck and in the back with us went to other vehicles. Then we got into the truck, with Madison, myself, and Nick in the back, a guy named Blake was driving and Troy sat up front. Music blared from the speakers, heavy metal, I had never heard it, but I was liking what I was hearing. After a few minutes Madison leaned up to the front and turned off the radio.  
I rolled my eyes, annoyed. The constant and loud, was exactly what my brain needed so I didn’t overthink.  
“Really?” I asked. “You want to make this ride more awkward?”  
She looked at me. “I don’t want to hear that.”  
“There has to be something else,” I said, my breathing getting, not normal.  
“All the stations are out,” Troy said. “That’s a CD.”  
I leaned forward, practically laying on the center console.   
“Lexi,” Madison said.  
“I can’t Madison, okay? You know I get car sick sitting in the middle which is why I don’t. And now you cut off the music…and…so I’m going to lean right here…we could sing happy songs, Winnie the Pooh anyone?”  
“You’ve got to stop talking,” Madison said.  
“I can’t stop talking, I have to distract myself from getting sick. We should keep talking…and maybe if it’s not too much trouble, open a window…” I heard the window to my right roll down, I leaned up a little closer to Troy, so I could feel the air. “Thanks,” I said quietly.  
Our eyes locked, a shiver ran through my body, his unbandaged eye was an endless blue. Was I staring into the ocean or into space? I couldn’t tell.  
“We could play a game…but I can’t think of any car games that don’t end in tears…” Breathing in the outside air made it a little easier to sit in the middle.  
“Why do they end in tears?” Troy asked.  
“You know, kids are crying, dogs are barking, parents are yelling, it’s madness. Better just put on your headphones and try to go sleep.”  
“We’ll make a stop in a bit; you can get out of the middle.”  
“Oh good,” I said. “I had a playlist on my computer just for this kind of occasion, it was called, Apocalypse: Songs to Die For.”  
“You had an apocalypse playlist?”  
“Well I like to cover all my bases.”  
“I’d like to know which songs made the cut.”  
I opened my eyes and he was observing me, it’s a particular look, like curiosity but also trying to figure something out. “Maybe another day. I can’t remember right now…”   
Nick, I noticed, looked disgusted. I stopped talking, quickly wiping away the tears that formed there. I met Troy’s eye again, holding his gaze, and then leaned my head down on my arms, quickly falling asleep.

This nightmare was just a little bit different, for one thing, ‘Love Me Till It Hurts’ was playing, and we found Nick. Only for him to be distant and he had moved on, leaving me behind…again. He was ripped right out of my arms by an infected, it clawed his arms and bit into his neck. He looked beyond me, at that lady, Luciana, with tears in his eyes, but he couldn’t speak. ‘Will you love me till it hurts, never leave me at my worst…” the song just kept looping.  
I screamed, really bad when my eyes snapped open. The truck was stopped, and I was the only one in it, my scream was awful, like I was being mauled by a bear and then I fell right out of the truck, because the door was already open. I made myself stop screaming but I couldn’t stop the sobbing that followed. I could feel others coming over, hear their shouts and their footsteps. It was Nick who reached me first.  
“Lexi…?” he asked trying to help me up, but I shoved him off.   
“No! Don’t fucking touch me!” I said scrambling to my feet and then I walked off, fishing weed out of my pocket and lighting it up with shaking fingers, taking in a deep breath, trying to calm down.  
When I was aware of another presence I looked over, in the moonlight I could see Troy coming over.  
“I’m sorry,” I said apologizing for screaming. “That’s why I don’t sleep too much anymore.”  
“Nightmares?” he asked.  
I nodded. “I didn’t used to have them. I used to be able to sleep through anything but…” I trailed off. “I need to pee,” I said after a moment. “Since you have a gun, could you, cover me?”  
“Alright, let’s go.”  
We walked away from the others and found a nice bush I could go behind.  
“Hold this please,” I said handing him the weed. “No peeking.”  
He stood about three feet in front of me.  
“Yes ma’am.”  
Once I was done, I took the weed back. “Want some?”  
“No thanks,” he said, and I nodded. “We should head out soon.” I nodded again, feeling a song rising up as I walked slowly back to the truck.  
“So, this is you, you’re talking to me. You found a million ways to let me down, so I’m not hurt when you’re not around. I was blind, but now I see! This is how you feel. Just say it to me, if this was ever real. I want the truth, from you. Give me the truth, even if it hurts me…I want the truth from you. Give me the truth even if it hurts me…I know that this will break me. I know that this might make me cry, gotta say what’s on your mind…I know that this will hurt me, break my heart and soul inside…I don’t wanna live this life…give me the truth, cause I don’t care no more no…”  
I missed singing, I missed this feeling, I felt so much like me right now. Even though my heart was breaking all over again. I put out what was left of my weed and shoved it into my pocket and then I got back in the truck. Nick was already there and so I sat by the door behind the passenger’s seat. I wanted to sing, but I remembered the situation and there were strangers in the truck with us…I turned and looked out the window. There were so many stars…  
“Dead stars shine, light up the sky, I’m all out of breath, my walls are closing in. Days go by, give me a sign…” I sang quietly, I was almost sure none of them could hear, over the sound of the engine and the crunching the tires made over the rocks.   
“I can feel you fallin’ away, no longer the lost, no longer the same. And I can see you starting to break. I’ll keep you alive, if you show me the way, forever and ever the stars will remain. I’m falling apart, leave me forever in the dark…”  
This song was beautiful and sad…  
“I’m already dead, I’ll rise to fall again, I can feel you falling away, no longer the lost, no longer the same, and I can see you starting to break. I’ll keep you alive, if you show me the way. Forever and ever the stars will remain, I’m falling apart. Leave me here forever in the dark…God help me, I’ve come undone, out of the light of the sun, I can feel you fallin’ away, no longer the lost, no longer the same, and I can see you starting to break. I’ll keep you alive if you show me the way, forever and ever, the stars will remain. Give me a sign…give me sign…just give me sign…give me a sign…forever, and ever, the stars will remain…” I took in and then let out a big breath. That was it, that was all that needed to be said.   
In the wee hours of the morn, I looked over at Nick and he was looking at me.  
I missed him, so much but he said nothing and turned away. I turned my body to the door, looking out the window. I wiped my eyes, and then glanced over, Troy was looking at me again, not in a creepy way, just that he had witnessed our exchange and now he was looking at me way. I stared back at him, not something I did often, looking into other people’s eyeballs. Other than Nick of course…but he was easier to focus on rather than the nothing out my window. As I did, I calmed down, and stopped the tears. His eye seemed to just observe, not making any assumptions or judgements, just looking, the way I did. I felt my eyes drooping, and soon after that, they were closed.  
The next time I woke up we were pulling up to a ranch. When we pulled up to a gate, a guard told Troy, Jake never made it back and his father wanted to see him. He thought for a moment and then told us to get out of the truck. We did and then they drove through, and the gate was closed. Leaving us on the outside looking in.   
We looked around, there was a large two-story house, pens for animals, lots of land some of which was being farmed. In one section there were many tents and RV’s. That was about all we could see from our vantage point.   
“They’re not here,” Nick said, agitated. “Let’s go.”  
“That’s a bad idea. What if they get here and we’re gone?” Madison said.   
“We can go, now, and find them. I can find them,” Nick said.  
“You don’t know where you’re going, if you overreact now, it could get us killed.”  
“Okay,” he said. “And what if they don’t show? What if it is just the three of us? What’s the play then?”  
“Hug your mother,” Madison said suddenly. “Just do it, now.”  
So, he did and after a moment she moved his hand down her back and then he lifted up the bottom of her jacket, feeling a gun there. I could see it for a brief moment.  
“Where’d you get that?” Nick asked.  
“Pit stop last night. Glove box of the fuel truck. We’re going to wait for a while, get some supplies, and kill anyone who gets in our way.” Madison walked closer to the fence. Nick and I stayed behind.  
“What the hell was that in the truck? You and Troy talking.”  
“Oh, now you wanna talk to me?”  
“You could have talked to me; my window could have been rolled down.”  
“Could I? I don’t know if you know, but you’re acting really different around me.”  
“I am not.”  
“Please,” I said. “You have never been like this around me before, even when you had a girlfriend.”  
He walked away, which just jumbled me up even more. In all our years of friendship I can’t recall one issue much less an unresolved one. And now here he was, walking away angry at me.   
I walked over to Madison; Nick sat on a bench in the shade about four feet away.  
“You know, this could be a good place,” Madison said. “It could be safe here.”  
“We don’t need this place and we don’t need these people,” Nick said.  
“Nick, we need someone to treat your girlfriend,” Madison said, and then I looked away.  
“No, no,” Nick said waving a hand in the air. “We are not breaking bread today with the people who tried to kill us yesterday.”  
“They didn’t try to kill us,” Madison said. “We don’t know them. You don’t have to like what it takes to survive, but you use it to your advantage.”  
“Fine we use them to treat Luciana and then we leave. They don’t want me here. Don’t know what I’ll do.” He walked away.  
“You see it, right?” Madison asked.  
“I do.”  
“Tell him.”  
I nodded and followed him. He sat down on that bench about ten feet from where Madison was now. An older man who looked a lot like a turtle, walked up to the fence and offered Madison a mug.  
“You know Madison has something up her sleeve,” I said.  
He shook his head and I sat next to him. He looked me in the eyes.  
“I hate it when you’re in pain,” I said as my voice cracked. “I hate it even worse when I don’t know what to do about it.”  
“You know I could find them. Waiting around is a waste of time.”  
“You know, I was exactly where you are right now, wondering if you were okay. If I’d ever see you again…”  
“Lexi I…I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. Luciana is the whole reason I’m here right now, she saved me and I…I fell for her.”  
I nodded and couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. “I wish I had never gotten in that truck. I should have stayed with you.”  
“I needed you to take care of them,” he said. “I went through hell, I’m glad you weren’t there. I couldn’t take it, if I lost you.” He leaned over, and I let him, and then he kissed my forehead.  
“We went through hell too,” I said standing. “So much has happened.”  
“I wanna hear it,” he said.  
“Welcome Nick, Lexi,” came a man’s voice.   
We looked over and it was that guy who had been speaking with Madison.   
“Welcome to Broke Jaw Ranch,” he said.  
We walked over to Madison.   
“It’s not safe,” Nick said quietly.  
“Right now, we’re just families with missing loved ones,” she replied.  
“I don’t trust these people.”  
We all walked together over to the gate which was opening.  
“So, don’t. Trust me.”  
“I trust you,” I said.  
Madison linked her arm with mine as we walked through the gate.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madison, Nick, and Lexi are welcomed to the Ranch. They wait there for the others to arrive. When they do, not everyone made it. Madison makes a decision.

Chapter Six

Jeremiah Otto was Troy and Jake’s father. He showed us around. They had a really nice set up and it was completely self-sufficient. Just like my family had back east.  
Madison and Jeremiah talked about guns and defending what the ranch had, they discussed self-defense and if that was what Troy had been doing.   
“I got Troy’s side and when Jake gets here, we’ll hear his.”  
“Would you like to hear ours?” Nick asked.  
“You know, I’m taking you guys in, you would think you’d be damn grateful. Was I wrong?”  
No,” Madison said quickly. “We are very grateful.”  
“This is the safest place to be in a world gone mad,” he said and then he showed us to a small cabin. He handed Madison a key. “Latrines and showers are in the back. I’d shake out the mattresses, sweep the floor, for scorpions and such.”  
Inside the cabin, there were several bunk beds a doorway in the back led to a small room with closet space, shelves, and a back door.   
Nick was pissed. “Your son’s a murderer!” He said loudly after Jeremiah left.  
Madison began talking him down. “Nick, hush. You wanna start a war with them? All of them? Right now? Then you’ll see murder.”  
Nick sat on a bottom bunk. “You know this is my fault,” he said. “I led Luci and her people to that place, and you came there looking for me.”  
“That’s not on you son,” Madison said.  
“But I’ve gotta do something,” he replied.  
His eyes filled with tears, but his voice said he was angry. He laid back on the bed.  
“No, you don’t,” Madison said walking over and then sitting on the edge of his bed. “I don’t know what our play’s gonna be. But right now, we’re just going to eat shit, smile, and bide our time. That’s all we can do.” Nick was shaking his head as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. “You wanna save Luciana. I want to save all of us, and I will. But you have to help me.”  
He took in a deep breath. “I’m going to see how many of these assholes are sharpening their knives,” he said as he got up and then walked out of the cabin.  
“He just needs time, when the others get here, he’ll see that,” I said.  
Madison nodded. “Did he say showers?”  
I smiled. “I heard that too.”  
We cleaned up a bit. It was dark out in no time, we mostly just stayed together in the cabin. Madison left Nick and I alone when she decided to venture out for a walk. I walked over and sat at the other end of the bunk bed he had been sitting on. He focused on me, a moment later we were right in front of each other. I reached out, and then hesitated, but pressed on, grabbing his hands, and he let me hold them balanced on our knees.   
“Okay, with each breath in we let go, we release. With each breath out, we get rid of the fear and the negativity. We will breathe three times,” I said and then we proceeded to take three deep breaths. “They will be okay, and they will make it here,” I said breathing in deep. “Everything’s going to be okay.”  
We breathed in deeply for several minutes, when I opened my eyes, his were already open, they were filled with tears which instantly made me sad.   
“Lexi…” he breathed. He closed the space between us and kissed me, deep, a moment later he sprang back. “I’m sorry,” he said and then he got up and walked out.  
I was stunned, once the tears began spilling over, I went over to my own bunk and laid down. I never realized the hold he had on me. I was so exhausted, it had been a long few days, with my arms wrapped around myself I fell asleep. This sleep was dreamless and so I slept through the night, but I woke up groggy and with a headache. I felt like shit. I used the bathroom, splashed some water on my face, drank some water and then went outside to find the others. They were close by.  
“Anything?” I asked.  
“Not yet,” Madison responded.  
Just then we noticed a commotion and the three of us went to check it out. Three people were approaching the gate. It was Alicia and Jake who were dragging Luciana, her arms over their shoulders. Once the gate was opened, they carefully sat her on the ground. Madison ran first and then Nick close behind her. I hurried after them, hugging Alicia, happy she was back. But…someone was missing…  
“Where…where’s Travis?” Madison asked looking around.   
“He…he’s not…” she stammered out, her face saying it all.  
“No…no…” Madison said as she fell onto the ground, her voice breaking as the reality sunk in.  
“No,” she whimpered.  
“I’m sorry,” Alicia said as she knelt there with her mom.   
I looked away, Nick was with Luciana talking to her, but she wasn’t responding.  
“I’m not sure she can hear you,” said a red-haired man who appeared to be a medic.  
“What do you mean?” Nick asked sounding defeated.  
“She’s not going to make it is what he means,” Troy said walking up, he had a new bandage on his eye.  
“Help her,” he said almost pleading.  
My heart hurt, hearing his voice do that.  
“We take her to the infirmary, she may turn. It’s against policy.”  
“It’s your fault. You shot her,” he said instantly.  
“I was defending my people,” Troy shot back.  
“I’ll do it again,” he said and then he unholstered his gun. “I know what to do,” he said as he moved closer.   
Nick jumped up and blocked his path. “No, no no no,” he said.  
“It’s how it has to be,” Troy responded, showing no emotion.  
“Come on,” he said, that heart breaking tone returned to his voice.  
“Move aside,” Troy said calmly. “Move aside.”  
Nick looked beyond Troy to the small crowd that had gathered there, looking for help. I wanted to help, but what could I do? He moved after a moment and Troy walked closer as he chambered a round. Madison grabbed onto Alicia. Nick leaned in a little.   
“I’ll do it,” he said, his voice even once more.  
Alarms went off in my head, I knew if Troy gave Nick that gun, he would kill him. My breath caught. Troy paused and slowly looked at Nick.  
“I’ll do it,” Nick said again but on the verge of demanding. “I’m allowed this.”  
They stared at each other for several moments, Troy looked at her, pointing his gun, finger on the trigger, he looked back to Nick and then he nodded. “Alright,” he said handing the gun over.  
Nick took it and Troy walked away, giving him some space. My heart continued to ache, seeing him in this much pain as he looked at her, tears sliding down his cheeks. He looked away, back to the others, where Troy stood with his brother and father. Nick took a breath and then pointed the gun at Troy. Instantly several others raised their weapons, pointing them at Nick.  
“Let her in.”  
“Nick,” Madison warned.  
I moved closer to him. “Think about this,” I said.  
No one else spoke.  
“I said, let her in.”  
“This isn’t how we do things here Nick,” Jake said.  
He moved a little closer to Troy. My feet were moving before I really thought about it and I stepped in front of Troy, now Nick was pointing the gun at me. He looked me in the eyeballs.  
“If you do this,” I said. “They will shoot us. Then we’ll be dead, and all of this will have been for nothing.”  
“If she’s got a pulse, we’ll let her in. But you’ve got to hand over the gun,” Jeremiah said.  
Nick stayed where he was.  
“Do it Nick,” Madison said. “Hand over the gun.”  
“Listen to your mommy,” Troy said which only made him angrier.   
“Nick,” I repeated. “Look at me. If you do this…she dies…” A tear escaped and then he handed me the gun, I turned and handed it to Troy, our eyes locking again.  
“Get her to the infirmary,” Jeremiah said. “The shows over.”  
“Yes sir,” said the guys who walked over with a portable stretcher.  
Madison told us to go, she needed some time to herself. Alicia went with Nick who was following the people who carried Luciana.  
“You’ve earned yourself some coffee,” Troy said sliding up to me.  
“I’m not having coffee with you. You’re the reason Nick’s hurting right now.”  
“It’s just coffee, there are no strings.”  
I thought for a few seconds. “You have any vodka?”  
“Yeah, come on.”  
He went into the house and I sat on the steps outside in the shade.  
“Ice?”  
“No thanks,” I said taking the bottle. I took a long drink and then I rolled up my pants leg.  
“What is that?” he asked.  
My leg had this spot, it was swollen and had a red ring of inflammation around it. I poured some vodka on it, which hurt, really bad. “It’s a bug bite…or something.”  
“It’s a sting,” he said taking out a knife. “May I?”  
I eyed him skeptically. “Okay.”  
He ran the blade over the spot and after the third try pulled out a small stinger.  
“Huh,” I said taking another drink and then pouring a little more on my leg, I did not need an infection right now.  
I handed him the bottle, but he held up his hand.  
“I don’t drink.”  
I laughed. “Neither do I.”  
“What happened?”  
“The world ended,” I said with a laugh even though tears strung in my eyes. “Might as well drink, fuck, and smoke whatever you can find…that sounded not how I wanted it to. In the fucking department, that should be consensual. I’m not about forcing.” I took a drink. “Oh! And chocolate, chocolate makes everything better, especially when the others are in such short supply.”  
He had a lopsided grin. “Are they your family? You look nothing like them.”  
“I look nothing like anyone,” I said and then took one last swig, put the cap on, stood up, and sat the bottle where I had been sitting. “That’s enough, anymore and I’ll get sad. Sad Lexi plus alcohol equals bad.” I looked at him. “We’re not friends.”  
“Not yet.”  
I sighed and then walked off, waving my hand in the air, not looking back as I went, hoping he wouldn’t follow. I went to the cabin and laid down on a bed. I didn’t want to bother anyone, it seemed like everyone needed some time to themselves and I needed some time alone too. My head was going to bad places. Eventually Madison showed up.  
“Hey Lexi,” she said.  
“Hi,” I said quietly. “I’m…I’m so…sorry…”  
She held up her hand as she lit a cigarette. “Have you been here this whole time?”  
“Just about, gotta sleep when you can.”  
She went over by the window. Shortly after that Nick and Alicia arrived.   
“Mom?” Alicia asked.  
“Close the door,” she said sitting on the next bed over from where I was. I sat up and Nick sat by me, Alicia, across from us.  
“I’m okay,” she said and then she said it again, trying to convince herself, I guess. “You asked me if I had a plan, Nick.”  
“Mom, that was before,” he said putting his hand on hers.  
“It was the right question. We’re going to stay here.”  
Nick looked at her. “What?”  
“We’re going to make it our home. Even if we have to take it over.”   
“Mom, that’s insane,” Alicia said.  
“No, it’s our fate. We suffered to get here. Travis died getting here. We have to accept it. We have to be stronger,” she paused for a long moment and then focused on Alicia. “Tell me how it happened. Tell me everything.”  
Alicia looked away for a moment and back with glassy eyes.  
The story was awful, I hated that she went through that. That he went through it. Travis was a good person, he tried to be a good father, to Chris and to Alicia and even Nick who was hardly ever there. He was a rock to Madison; I would have considered him a friend. And now he was…just gone…and we remained.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New feelings are surfacing for Lexi while she tries to sort out how she now feels about Nick.   
> A wake, a kiss, and what feels like a betrayal.

Chapter Seven

Alicia slept on a bed right by Madison, who was also asleep. After Alicia’s story, there had been more crying and now they were exhausted.   
“I’m going back to the infirmary, okay?” Nick said quietly.  
I nodded, wishing, he could stay here with me. He lingered, looking me in the eyes.  
“Nick,” I said suddenly as I got up and stood in front of him. He looked at me, in the moonlight. I bent my head and rested my forehead on his, another weird thing we were known for. The tears came fast and then I sniffed which of course gave it away. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight, my head resting on his neck. “I’m sorry, Lexi,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could figure out how to fix this. But I don’t…I don’t want to send Luciana away and I want you with me. Is that selfish?”  
I shook my head, thinking, and right then, I didn’t care, I kissed his neck, just once since that was where my face was, he kissed my forehead and then he was moving away. “I don’t want us to be weird. We should still be able to be the same as we always were, right?” And then, he slipped out of the cabin, into the night. He just did it, again! He just left. Nothing was resolved, I cried into his shoulder, classic sign one is distraught…and he just, leaves. I sat on my bed and then laid down, facing the wall, wrapping my arms around myself, and continued to cry silently. Sleep never came for me that night, what did come was a song. It played over and over in my head. I knew it was true, and I would have to tell Nick how I really felt…but for now, I just lay there awake until the sun came up. 

In the morning we all gathered for a wake. A lady named Charlene had been with them in the helicopter and she had been killed by the infected after the crash.   
It was outside under a tall roof, with lots of wooden benches. Lots of eyes lingered on me, I get it, I’m tall, have a mohawk, covered in ink, I have the cutest silver ring hanging between my nostrils, and female. I wasn’t a stranger to being gawked at.   
The Otto family sat in the front on a long-raised platform, much like on Game of Thrones, I was just trying to figure out which house they would be from. They don’t get to be Targaryen’s; I was the dragon. They might be the Greyjoy’s. What was dead may never die…that takes on a whole new meaning now.  
I felt awkward being here. I didn’t know any of these people, crashing a memorial just wasn’t cool. I began studying the Otto’s, trying to find similarities between the three of them.   
The people around us were angry about their recent loses, angry at the newcomers, at us.  
Madison could see that, and she stood up. “Hello, I just wanted to introduce my family. I’m Madison Clark, these are my children, Nick and Alicia. Lexi LaRue, lived down the road from us, but we consider her family.”  
Great, now they’re looking at us even more. But in that sea of eyeballs I found mine settling on Troy’s. He was looking at me, not Madison. Something playing behind those eyes…  
“I wanted to offer our condolences,” Maddy continued. “For Charlene, for the others you lost. We’ve lost loved ones too. Travis…” she said a bit hesitantly. “Travis he, was our compass and he…” I looked at Maddy, sending her strength and love. “We just wanted to say thank you, for sheltering us and thank you for your generosity. We will repay it,” she finished, sitting down.  
It seems, I’m with the Lannister’s…   
“Thank you,” Jake said. “We’ve all lost, we share that. Grieving’s hard, but it’s important we process it and- “  
“More important to prepare Jake,” a tall bald man interrupted as he stood up. “I’m sorry, there is a time and place for mourning and…”  
I turned my attention back to Troy, his eye looked better. The bandage was gone, but his face was disgustingly bruised. His facial hair was really coming in, making him look like a pirate, and even more attractive…fuck. I felt disloyal to Nick for thinking that.   
“Who shot down the helicopter?” The man asked, and others agreed.  
“Nothing’s changed,” Jeremiah said.  
“Payback Vernon,” Troy said. “We will act.”  
Troy got them riled up and Jake kept the peace, I couldn’t figure Jeremiah out yet though. He was clearly the leader of this place, but what kind of leader was he?  
Troy’s eyes drifted back to me, I had already moved on in my thinking, and since it was something dirty, my face betrayed me, I smiled and quickly looked away. But he had caught it, I could tell when I looked back, and his gaze was intense. I felt…wrong for feeling what I felt when he looked at me. If things hadn’t gone the way that they did, Troy would have killed Travis and Nick. He almost took him right out of this world. So how could I be feeling this way? Still, I was, my attraction to him was strong. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wait, feel him out, see who he really was. Or if I wanted to… My look must have changed, because his did, suddenly, like he had been caught off guard for a moment, and then his look was intense again, this look tickled, deep inside of me. I pressed my legs together and took in a breath. Fuck.  
“If you plan for the future,” Jake said, everything else coming back into focus, the intense moment with Troy over.   
“Plan for a better one,” the people around us answered.  
The memorial ended, and it was time to eat, Nick separated from us, wanting to get some food and take it to Luciana. I was walking slowly and then Troy was by me.  
“No,” I said holding up a hand.  
“What?” he asked, like he hadn’t been there.  
“I’m just going to get some food.”  
“But that’s not what you want to do.”  
I laughed. “I rarely get to do what I want to do.”  
He looked at me and then leaned in. “So, do it now,” he said quietly, his voice gravely.   
I looked at him, my heart began to race. I wanted to reach out and touch the fuzzies on his chin… Could I? I quickly ran my options and then I took in a deep breath.  
“I should catch up to the others,” I said, my body aching, wanting him to touch me.  
“I’m wearing you down.”  
I looked him dead in the eyes. “You have no idea.”   
I left him with that and found Madison and Alicia in line for food. We were each given a tray and it was set up buffet style but with scoopers. Some of the people were mean, muttering comments as they passed us. Alicia challenged one man, but Madison told her to let it go.  
“They should be harassing Troy, not us,” Alicia said as we turned back to the food.  
“I think they would be if they knew what he had done,” Madison said quietly.   
We stepped up to a girl, appearing to be about seventeen or so with blonde hair and clear blue eyes, a smile plastered to her round face.  
“Madison, Alicia, Lexi! I’m Gretchen Trimbol, Vernon’s daughter, I saw you at the memorial. Welcome!”  
“Thank you,” I said returning the smile.  
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish had had the pleasure of knowing Travis.”  
“Thank you, Gretchen,” Madison said quickly, wanting to just get our food and sit down.  
Gretchen then invited Alicia for bible study, she wasn’t into it, but Madison encouraged her.  
“I will see you later then,” Alicia said.  
“Right on,” Gretchen said giving us each a scoop on our trays.  
The three of us make our way through the line and then over to the picnic tables. We sit together and no one else sat with us.   
“Keep your heads down, don’t cause trouble, we have to do everything we can to gain their trust, so we can stay,” Madison said quietly. 

That sting on my leg was hard, it had infection in it. There was a lot of pressure building up and it wasn’t open, so I couldn’t even get anything out of it. I needed to put heat on it to get it to open up.   
“Hey, why are you limping?” asked a guard.  
“I have an infection,” I said and then realized my mistake. “From a stringer, a bug with a stinger, stung me.”  
“Are you sure about that?” he asked like he didn’t believe me. “Maybe I should look.”  
“No thanks, I’ve got it under control.”  
But he wouldn’t let me pass, he reached for me.  
“Get away!” I yelled. “Don’t touch me!”  
“Hey!” Troy yelled as he jogged over. “What’s going on here?”  
“She’s injured and won’t show me.”  
“She’s already been cleared,” he said stepping between us. “By me. You have a problem with that?” Troy asked looking down at him, literally, he was pretty short.  
“No sir.”  
“So, apologize and don’t bother her again.”  
He huffed, mumbled an ‘I’m sorry’ and then walked away.  
Troy turned to face me. “You are walking a bit…rough,” he observed.  
“The spot that had the stinger in it…it now has infection. I need to put heat on it, see if it will open up.”  
“Hmm,” he said. “There’s hot water in the house.”  
“That might help…” I said biting my lip. “I don’t want to…cause any problems.”  
“I offered,” he said with a shrug. “Come on. If we go in the back door and up the stairs, there’s a good chance no one will see you.”  
I ran over the options in my head. “Okay.”  
I followed him to the back of the house, in a door, around a corner, up some stairs and into his bedroom.  
“The bathroom is just through there,” he said pointing to a door.  
I walked over and into the bathroom, found a washcloth and ran it under the water till it was hot. Then I sat on the floor, rolled up my pants leg, it wasn’t too big, the hardness was about the size of a quarter, but fuck it hurt. The slightest bit of pressure sent me reeling. I placed the rag on the spot and then sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly. He walked over to the doorway but didn’t come into the room.  
“You have a bathtub,” I said on the verge of tears. “It’s the little things that you miss when everything goes to shit.”  
He gave me a lopsided grin, which apparently was his signature smile. “You could get a bath if you want.”  
I really wanted to, but I would feel bad, because the others weren’t privy to such a luxury. I shook my head. “Thanks, but, this is great.”  
“So, what’s the deal with you and Nick?” he asked after a moment.  
I looked up at him. “He’s my best friend.”  
“Is that all?”  
“Why are you so curious?”  
“I like to understand things,” he said kneeling down, so we were eye level, his eyes inspecting me.  
I nodded. “So, do I…we were best friends. When the world ended, I finally told him how I felt about him, and he invited me to stay over at his house in those first few days. Being with him was, the best, a little light in the darkness…and then…” I shook my head. “We were staying at this place and it was no longer safe, we had to leave. He wanted to go off on his own. I wanted to go with him, but he asked me to take care of Madison and Alicia…so I…let him go. And now he’s back, he’s alive and…he found someone else,” I said shaking my head. “So…I guess we’re, friends?”  
“You don’t sound too sure about that.”  
“I’m not, it’s all different now. He feels distant and I don’t know how to…I don’t know anything. It’s never been like this before,” I looked away, feeling the tears sting my eyes.  
“Would he die for you?” he asked in a whisper.  
My eyes found his again. “What?”  
“Back at base, you, uh, said you would give up your life for his. Would he do the same for you?”  
“Probably,” I said.  
“Probably?” he asked with a laugh.  
“Yeah,” I said with a smile and a shrug.  
I moved the rag and frowned. “Nothing, there isn’t even a place to open. I guess I’ll just leave it alone but keep an eye on it. Thanks for the hot water.”  
He helped me up off the floor, feeling the heat from his hand, his touch, it was nice. I remembered when Hector took my hand and how I pulled away, but with Troy…I wanted him to touch me. Once I was standing, I reached out, not deciding, just doing it. I touched his face, on the left side, I didn’t want to hit his bruise. Then I moved my hand, sliding it into his hair. He watched me, observing, with those deep blue eyes. I moved closer, closing the space between us and our lips met. It was as if I had never breathed until that moment, his touch awakened me, like a dragon waking out of its long slumber. He grabbed my face and our kiss deepened. It was the most contact I’d had in so long. I pulled him close, my body aching for more, pushing myself up against him.  
“Troy?” Jake called.  
I instantly moved away; my eyes wide. Troy put his hand up to his lips, telling me to be quiet.  
“I’ll be there in a minute,” he called.  
“Okay,” Jake said and then we heard his steps fading.  
He looked back at me, breathing hard. “This isn’t something I uh…usually do.”  
“Me neither.”  
His eyes lingered on me for a moment. “I should go see what he needs, maybe, we could uh…”  
I was disappointed. “Maybe,” I said and then I brushed past him.   
I left the house and went to the infirmary. I wanted to actually meet Luciana, get it out of the way. Then maybe things will be less awkward with Nick and he can at least feel like my friend again.  
“Hey,” Nick said as I walked up.  
“Hi,” I replied greeting him and then I smiled at Luciana. “Hello.”  
“You’re Lexi?” she asked.  
“Yes. Nice to meet you.”  
“You too. Nick has told me so much about you, it’s really nice that you’re here. His best friend.”  
My eyes flashed to Nick’s, ‘best friend’? So, she didn’t really know about me. I swallowed, hard, forcing my sadness down.  
“Let me know if you need anything, I’m pretty resourceful.”  
“Thank you,” she said with a small smile.  
I nodded, avoided Nick’s eyes, and left.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one likes how close Lexi is getting to Troy, but she is done following other peoples rules, she wants to go after something for herself. Lexi and Nick butt heads, again.

Chapter Eight

When I walked into the cabin, Madison was there with Troy, who was lying on Nick’s bed.  
“Comfy?” I asked.  
“Very,” he said and then he refocused on Madison as he sat up. “What did you do, in the old world?”  
“Guidance counselor.”  
“At a high school?” Madison nodded. “Oh. I never attended. Certain social aspects of academia proved challenging for Troy,” he said sitting up.  
“Me too!” I said excitedly. “I left school in seventh grade.” Madison gave me a look, like I was doing something wrong. “Lexi also likes talking about herself in third person,” I said.  
Troy met my eyes, he held them for several moments, a smile dancing behind his, when Madison cleared her throat, he looked back at her.  
“Must have been lonely,” she said.  
“No, no,” he said standing and walking over to the other side of the cabin to look out the window. “I had this place. Everything that I do is in service to this place.”  
“Does your father believe that?” Madison asked.  
“Yeah, he understands. Complicated problems call for complicated solutions.”  
“’Killing people’s not complicated, it’s simple.”  
He smiled, slowly at her. “You see, you understand this world. You understand me. That’s why I picked you. But I didn’t,” he said walking back over to Nick’s bed. “I didn’t pick Nick.”  
“He comes with me. Packaged deal.”  
“Hmm, why were you separated? Why was he with strangers and not his family?”  
I choked back tears, remembering that day again, I should have gone with him, we would still be together, there wouldn’t be a Luciana, and maybe I wouldn’t feel this way about Troy.   
“He doesn’t deserve his place here,” he said pointing at the bed. “I think you know that.”  
“He’ll earn it,” Madison said not backing down.  
He paused and then began to walk out.  
“That bed was made this morning Troy,” she said.  
He looked back at her, at the bed, and then he came back over and made it up. He glanced at me before walking out and shutting the door behind him.  
“What was that?” Madison asked.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Your casual conversation with him.”  
“We need his trust; I’ve been working on it.”  
“You can’t cry in front of them.”  
“You’re out of luck, my emotions are fried, I’m trying.”  
“Try harder.”  
I hated the way everyone kept making me feel.  
“Crying is not weakness; it’s not being able to feel what you feel when you feel it. Holding it all in, being afraid to show emotion, that is weakness. Let it out, let it go, move on.”  
I laid on my bed and took a short nap.

Later Alicia arrived, she played with her butterfly knife. I asked her how to twirl it and she spent a while showing me and letting me try. Nick arrived, and he looked out the window.  
“They don’t want us here,” he said.  
“Most of them don’t mind,” Madison replied. “The ones who do, we win them over.”  
“You want us to win over Troy?” Alicia asked.  
“Lexi’s already on that.”  
Alicia and Nick looked at me.  
“What the hell does that mean?” Nick asked.  
“He keeps talking to me, I keep talking to him,” I said my voice on the edge of defensive.   
Nick gave me a look that I didn’t like.  
“In the meantime, you two, stay away from him.”  
“But Lexi will gain his trust?” he asked in disbelief.  
“Someone’s got to,” Madison said. “And like she said, he keeps coming to her.”  
“I’m not sure I can stay away,” Nick said.  
“Like hell you can’t Nick. You don’t know what sets him off. He doesn’t know what sets him off,” Madison said, getting angry now.  
“Okay, but if we stay, we need to do something,” Nick said.  
“What’s that mean?” Alicia asked.  
“I’m doing something,” Madison said.  
“No. What do you mean? Nick, what are you gonna do?” She stood up. “Do you want my knife, you gonna do something?”  
“What I’m saying is,” he said slowly, carefully. “We should start over somewhere else. Okay? Find a house, grow crops, we don’t have to stay here. That’s all.”  
“Runnings more your style,” Alicia said.  
“We have options,” Nick replied.  
“We’re not leaving,” Madison said putting her foot down.  
“Why?” Nick asked.  
“We’re not leaving,” Madison said louder.  
“Why are you so convinced this is the place Mom?” he challenged.  
“Cause it’s all we have,” she yelled. “Because there’s no place better. Because we hauled you out of that hellhole, and Travis died because of it!”  
Everyone went silent and looked away uncomfortably.   
“Luciana won’t be safe here.”  
“They let her in,” Madison said.  
“What if they make her leave?”   
“You’ll have a choice to make.” He looked sad as that sunk in and then Alicia left the cabin.  
“I’m going to try to talk to Jeremiah, we need protection,” Madison said and then she left too.  
“Lexi…” Nick whispered as he reached out and took my hand.  
Tears stung my eyes, he pulled me down and I sat on the bed. We faced each other, sitting Indian style.  
“What are you doing?”   
“The best I can. Madison wants to stay; we have to get people to trust us.”  
“Do you want to stay here?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“What do you know?” he asked, giving me cat eyes.  
“No.”  
“What?”  
“Don’t give me that look.”  
“Lexi…” he said, pain thick in his voice.  
“I want you, Nick. That’s what I want. That’s all I ever wanted.” He looked away. “Seeing you with her…it hurts, and I feel like, I’m in the way. I need to tell you how I feel, really. I want you, but I think you’re bad for me. You remember in Devil May Cry when Dante goes to the underworld and in the walls are these devil trigger sucking worms?”  
“Vaguely,” he replied.  
“You are a devil trigger sucking worm and I’m all out, man.”  
“So, what the hell does that mean?”  
“That means…you keep pulling me back in, and you keep leaving. And now you’ve moved on and you ask me if it’s selfish that you want to keep us both? When that’s not really what you mean. You mean be with her and keep me in this frozen state where I’m not allowed to grow…how is that fair? You know I love you. You know I’d give everything up for you. You know I’d do anything to protect you. And you’re just…stringing me along Nick. I need you to let me go. I need to help and the only thing I can do right now is get Troy to trust me.” He shook his head. “No. No, there has to be something else.”  
“I can do this. I need to pull my own weight.”  
“Not like this, we should just leave. He’s crazy.”  
I stood up. “Let me go Nick. Please.”  
“He’s a bad guy.”  
I scoffed. “Think about what you do to me…” He looked defeated. “I’m sorry, I wish it were different. You have no idea how bad, but you are with Luciana and I need to stop…”  
“Stop what? Me?”  
“I just…I need you to let me go.”  
“As your friend, Troy is dangerous.”  
“If we have to kill, it’s what we have to do.”  
“Troy was killing for fun, for his scientific bullshit.”  
“He made a choice; do I stand by that choice? No. But it’s over now. Maybe you wouldn’t approve of some of the things I have done since the world ended. But that’s over now. All we can do now is make better choices going forward.”  
I left the cabin, Nick followed me out and then he saw Alicia, he went over to her. I also wanted to see if she was okay, so I strolled up slowly, giving them some time alone.  
“What happened to you out there?” Nick asked as I walked up. She just turned and walked away.  
“She killed someone,” I said. “She stabbed him in the chest, he had been an ally but… he was going to kill Travis. She just…did it.”  
“So much for protecting them huh?” he said, not looking at me and then he turned and started walking away.  
Anger rose inside me, I ran over, and shoved him, he turned to face me. “What the hell?”  
“You don’t know what happened, you weren’t there. So, you don’t get to tell me I didn’t do a good job,” I yelled. “I stayed, that’s more than I can say about you.” I turned and stormed off.  
Anger and sadness turned inside me. I didn’t deserve to be treated the way they were treating me. I found Troy much quicker than I thought I would.  
“Hey,” he said when I walked up, but I didn’t stop until I was hugging him. “Lexi?”  
“Just…hug me,” I said.  
He did and didn’t let go, and I cried, letting all of it out. When I finally stopped, he let me go. “I got a fence to fix. Wanna help?”  
“Sure,” I said unable to stop the smile that spread across my face.  
He led me to one of the gardens. “It was a boar that did it, we’re going to have to go hunting,” he said putting on some work gloves and then he handed me another pair. “You wanna go hunting with us?” he asked.  
“No thank you. Boars are, terrifying.”  
“Dealt with a lot of them in LA have ya?”  
“We have them in Florida thank you, they’re scary.”  
“That where you’re from?”  
“Yes, but it never felt like home.”  
There was a pause as we worked.  
“Were you, talking to Nick before you found me?” he asked.  
“Why?”  
“Every time I’ve seen you cry; you were just talking to him.”  
“He’s the only one who has that effect on me,” I said after a moment. “Everything with him is…I don’t know how to explain it. We’re so connected, we know each other so well, but now…” I sighed, frustrated. “I don’t know, I’m all over the place, and he’s been…I don’t wanna talk about it,” I said abruptly. “I just wanna help you fix this fence.”  
He made his signature turtle face and then he nodded, like he was thinking over what I said. “Can you hand me that wire?”  
We worked for a bit, there wasn’t much I could do with the fence, so I pulled weeds. I was good at that. Jake drove up on a black four-wheeler. He spoke to Troy; it was only once I had moved closer that I could hear them.  
“If they knew what you really are…”  
“And what am I Jake?” He asked as he stood up straight, looking at his brother.  
“Do you really think that you were helping those people out at the depot?”  
“I think I was helping all of us.”  
“Troy…when Dad’s gone…this is all on us. We have to take care of this place. We have to lead.”  
“Together?”  
“Yeah. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to stay away from the Clark’s and Lexi.”  
Troy smiled. “What if Lexi doesn’t stay away from me?” he asked as he squatted down and started to work on the fence again.  
That’s when Jake noticed that I was there too. He nodded at me and then refocused on his brother.  
“Do you hear me?” he asked.  
“Yep,” Troy said. “I hear you.”  
“Do you mean it?”  
“I always mean it, Jake.”  
Jake turned a moment later, walked back over to the four-wheeler and left.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Lexi bond. Troy and Nick hunt pigs, Madison and Lexi learn more about Jeremiah. Troy remains hopeful about a future friendship with Nick.

Chapter Nine

Troy and I hung out all day, fixing fences, and in general ranch maintenance.   
“Why do you protect him so fiercely?” he asked still trying to understand my bond with Nick.  
I took in a breath. “I had fallen deep into my darkness, I was in the worst place, and he was there. When my darkness threatened to swallow me up…he was the only one that never left.”  
“He never gave up on you,” he said seeming to understand.  
“Right, and, if he had pulled away, like everyone else, I wouldn’t be here.”  
“You feel like you owe him.”  
“No,” I said shaking my head. “I feel like, he never quit on me. At one point doing everything he could to help. Everything he could…how could I give him anything less than my best?” I shook my head. “I couldn’t. I will always do everything to protect him.”

When lunch rolled around, we went to get some food. There was a heated conversation going on nearby.  
“…by people who weren’t prepared,” said a man as he looked disgusted at me.   
I was so sick of hearing this, like we had complicated their lives so much. “I was prepared!” I exploded. “I was waiting for Mom and Harry to get back and then we were going home! We’ve been stocking supplies for years! Years.” I tried to calm down but…I needed to get this out. “Mom and Harry had some kind of secretive business trip and I stayed home. Even though I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach, I knew something awful was going to happen! They made it…and they…left me behind…”  
The anger was subsiding as the anguish swept up like the sea to drown me once more. A hand touched my arm, I realized then, my eyes were closed and there were so many tears. I shoved the hand away, turned, and began walking.   
Thinking I was alone, my eyes opened. But Troy was there, matching my pace.   
“You don’t know this land, it’s easier to get lost than you might think.”  
I didn’t respond, not trusting myself to speak, nor did I trust my voice, if it broke, I wasn’t sure I could escape the sadness that would come with it. It was as if I was back on the Abagail, that first night. However, thinking back to that, I thought back even further…  
I stopped walking and sat on the ground.  
…Nick and I at my house, drinking all the alcohol, exploring each other for the first time.   
I could feel myself smiling, just a bit. I thought of Nick, how much I loved him. Even if he was no longer ‘mine’. He was my best friend and quite possibly my favorite human.   
Now I focused on Troy, who sat right in front of me, studying my face, trying to figure me out.   
“Sorry,” I said.  
“Nothing to apologize for.”  
I sniffed and wiped my face, I felt tired, agitated, annoyed, insane… “If I had been with my family…I wouldn’t be with the Clark’s, and I never would have found…you.”  
“Me?” he asked surprised.  
“I’ve never known anyone who was so much like me. I’ve always felt like an alien, left behind, but you…” I leaned forward and kissed him. “I don’t care about what you did before, you are the one whose side I want to be on. They wanna pretend the world still has rules. That people won’t take whatever they can. That mentally is a losing one, and I don’t wanna be on the losing side.” He smiled. “I know I’m all over the place right now and I cry at the drop of a hat, this thing with Nick…I don’t know how to be okay with it. But I like hanging out with you.”  
“I like hanging out with you too.”  
~*~

After dinner I noticed Troy was getting ready to leave for the hunt, I walked over, he saw me and smiled, but more with his eyes.  
“I was thinking about asking Nick to go hunting. Have you seen him?”  
“No, I saw him get food but then he disappeared.”  
“You think he would, uh, go with us?”  
“Nick’s really not a hunter, so probably not. You’ll be back later?”  
“Yeah, we shouldn’t be out all night.”  
“Okay. Be…”  
“Careful?” he asked with a grin.  
“I can’t help it,” I said with a shrug.  
“Out of everyone going I know I will be back and okay. Okay?”  
I nodded. “Okay. See you later,” I said with a smile and then walked off.   
I didn’t see Nick on my way to the cabin.  
“Hey, I’m going for a walk,” Madison said taking the blanket off her bed and wrapping it around herself. “Wanna come?”  
“Sure,” I said as I grabbed my own blanket.   
We walked up the fence line a way’s and then we just stared up at the sky.  
Madison said she watched these tapes called: The End of The World as We Know It. Jeremiah had a series that taught you how to be a survivalist, that’s what he did for a living. Other tapes she watched showed that was an abusive raging alcoholic father.   
“Evening,” Jeremiah said a little while later as he walked up to us. “Jake tells me your son went out on that boar hunt.”  
“Nick doesn’t hunt,” Madison said. “He’s a city kid.”  
“You don’t have guns in the city?” he asked.  
“Not in my house, no.”  
“We did, we had lots,” I said.  
“And now?” he asked.  
“Now’s now,” Madison replied. “How long does this hunt normally last?”  
“Well it varies. A couple of hours, all night. Boars are fierce creatures. They’ll come back safe.”  
They talk about Alicia and the bible group. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and offers us one. I shake my head, but Madison gets one and then lights it. I look at the sky, you can see the blue because the moon is so bright. It’s making the stars look so small.  
“Nick’s an addict,” Madison said. “Spent the last five years waiting on a call from the morgue. Today I told him if he left, I’d let him go.”  
My heart seized. I didn’t want him to go. He belonged with us.   
“The things we do to our children,” he said. “And the things we do for them to make up for it. You wanna know why I tolerate my son?” Madison nodded. “Come on, take a walk.”  
We followed, the walk wasn’t too far, we began walking down a staircase that was leading into the earth.  
“Where are we going?” Madison asked.  
“Underneath my house. My tapes didn’t make me the lightning rod I hoped to be,” he said unlocking a thick door. “But enough people woke, invested in the vision,” he said as we stepped through and he flipped a switch that turned on the light, we stood in a large room stockpiled like Distract 13. “We call this the pantry,” he said. “Some say this mess we’re in is Revelations, God’s vengeance. I’ll tell you what it is. It’s an opportunity. A new life. A chance to make amends.” He walked as he spoke, and we followed along, we turned a corner, there was even an Amory. This was impressive. “I broke Troy in that old world. In this one, he has purpose. We all do.”  
I refused to let the tears that had gathered there fall. With each story I liked him less and less.  
“And nothing heals a family more than that. We will build something better than before. It won’t be easy. You think your family’s up for it?”  
“Absolutely.”

We leave the pantry and Jeremiah goes on about his business.   
“I’m going to visit Luciana,” Madison said.  
“Okay, I’m going back to the cabin.”  
“Hey, I know this is hard for you, that it’s not fair. I know we haven’t said anything, but Alicia and I can see it.” I nodded; it was nice being acknowledged. “I’ll see you in a bit,” she said after giving me a hug.

I fell asleep soon after and woke up early. Pork is on the menu, cooked all early morning and it was ready by breakfast.  
Madison and I see Jeremiah and Jake talking while we are in line for food.  
“Everybody listen up please,” Jeremiah said.   
He was updating everyone about the people who had gone to investigate the helicopter crash, it had been thirty-six hours and there was still no word. Troy was going to take a party out to investigate but they needed volunteers. He named the people who raised their hands.  
“And Madison Clark,” he said as she raised her hand.  
In an act of defiance, I went over to Troy’s table and sat down next to him but a moment later, Madison sat across from me.  
“Righty?” I asked eyeing his fork.  
“Uh, yeah,” he said looking at his hand and then over to me.  
“Lefty,” I said as I picked up my fork.  
He smiled when our arms knocked and then he looked at Madison. “Your kids are over there.”  
“I know,” Madison said.  
Troy looked at my tray. “You didn’t get any pork.”  
“I don’t eat pork. Or any meat for that matter. Well, I eat eggs, but so do most vegetarians.”  
“Why are you a vegetarian?” he asked in disbelief.  
“Meat makes me sick,” I said with a shrug.  
“Well that’s a good reason,” he replied.  
“Can I…smell it?”  
He looked at me, a little amused as a smile played across his mouth, he leaned in close and spoke softly by my ear. “You wanna smell my meat?”  
I smiled. “Well when you put it like that. No.”  
He speared a bit with his fork and held it up. I breathed it in and shook my head. “Ah.” It smelled amazing. “Is it good?”  
He ate the bite. “So good.” I smiled and held his gaze. “How long have you been a vegetarian?”  
“Um…” I paused thinking. “A few years. I have eaten meat in that time, an occasional fish or maybe some chicken. But I haven’t had any beef or pork.”  
“And she used to eat steak regularly,” Madison said.  
When Madison was finished, she left the table, leaving Troy and I sitting there alone.  
“Did Nick go with you?” I asked.  
“He did.”  
“How’d that go?”  
“Well, I was tracking him, and he was tracking me, there may have been a struggle, he may have shot by my head, and ripped up my journal but, I think it’s going to be okay now. I think we can be friends.”  
“What happened?”  
He went into deeper detail.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi does dishes in an attempt to feel normal in the middle of the apocalypse. She and Troy spend the day together.

Chapter Ten

After breakfast I walked over to the clean-up crew. “Hey,” I said. “Can I take care of this?” They eyed me skeptically. “I don’t mind, I actually enjoy scrubbing dishes. Please?”  
They nodded and after a brief explanation of where to put everything I was left alone.   
I enjoyed the familiar routine; it was easy to pretend we weren’t in the apocalypse. Music filled my head and I sang quietly as I scrubbed.  
“I’ll never be your beast of burden…Never, never, never, never, never, never, ne-ver be…”  
I fell into the zone, my head blissfully empty as I concentrated on scrubbing, rinsing, and repeat.   
A playlist played in my head easily, after years of doing all tasks with constant music.  
“I’m already dead, I’ll rise to fall again, I can feel you fallin’ away…” I missed the music…so much. “When you feel my heat, look into my eyes, it’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide. Don’t get too close it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide…” All too soon I was drying the dishes and nearly done. “They say it’s what you make, I say it’s up to fate, its woven in my soul, I need to let you go. Your eyes they shine so bright, I wanna save that light. I can’t escape this now, unless you show me howwww. Look into my eyes, it’s where my demons hide…” This was the wrong song to sing. All I could think of was Nick. “Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside…” I paused, my mind going to bad places. “It’s where my demons hide,” I said instead of sang.  
I cleared my throat, tired of being weepy.   
Everything was done, I cleaned the sink and wiped everything down.  
“I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me, papa-paparazzi…” I picked up several cups. “Promise I’ll be kind, but I won’t stop until that boy is mine. Baby, you’ll be famous, chase you down until you love me, papa-paparazzi.” Then I turned around to find Troy sitting there, observing. I froze and let out a squeak.  
“How long have you been there?”  
“A few songs,” he said with a smile.  
“Oh…” I said, feeling heat rise in my neck, a classic sign I had been caught being completely myself. “You now know a very fragile secret.”  
“Yeah? What’s that?”  
“I don’t like Lady Gaga, usually, but I do like that song, and now you are the only person in the world, that knows that…”  
“I thought you liked all kinds of music? How can you be a closet fan on some things?”  
“I don’t know man, but it happens.”  
“I won’t tell anyone your secret,” he said with a smile.  
“Okay,” I replied and then moved over to put the cups away.  
“How’d you get stuck with this job?” he asked.  
“I asked for it, I like doing dishes, it gets me out of my head.”  
“A dangerous place to be,” he said like he understood.  
“Yeah.”  
He helped me put the stuff away. “Wanna help me for a while?”  
“Sure,” I said instantly.  
He took me on patrol, we walked the fence for a while.  
“Can you shoot?” he asked.  
“Yes.”  
“Prove it,” he said handing me a gun.  
“What would you like me to shoot?”  
“There’s a target right there,” he said pointing.  
I looked at the gun. “Do you know what happened to my gun?”  
“It’s probably around somewhere.”  
“It saved me from getting raped, I’d like it back.”  
His eyebrows came together.   
“It was about a month ago,” I said looking away. “We were looking for supplies, it was after Nick left us. We found this little town…I ended up in this gas station…they came of nowhere. Three of them. I didn’t have anything on me that they could have taken for survival, but that wasn’t what they were after.” I shook my head. “Two of them held me down, one tried and succeeded taking my pants off, I kicked and screamed, not going down without a fight and I was able to reach the gun.” I pointed the gun and squeezed the trigger, I hit the target and then two more times just to prove it wasn’t luck. “I shot one in the chest. The others, I shot purposely so they would die slowly. I’ve kept that gun with me ever since. If it hadn’t been there…” I shot the gun, two more times, hitting my mark each time.  
“I don’t know what to say,” he said.  
I handed him the gun back. “You don’t have to say anything.”  
“You shoot really well.”  
I smiled. “Well I am from the Southeast,” I said like that explained why I knew how to shoot. “And eventually I went with my Mom to California.”  
“Why did she move?”  
“My dad died, I guess she finally felt free enough to really be with her long-time boyfriend.”  
“She had a boyfriend while she was with your father?”  
“Yeah, but to be fair, he had girlfriends too. Monogamy isn’t for everyone. But they had been divorced for years. We took care of him when he got sick. His parents had died not long before that and he was pretty much ostracized from his family. We were all he had.”  
“What was wrong with him?”  
“He was an alcoholic and a druggie, he had a bad lifestyle and it caught up to him.”  
“Was he a good dad?”  
“Not really. I mean, he had moments when he wasn’t drunk, but there were times, I was too afraid to go home from school, cause he would be there. Which was sad, I was so socially awkward, school was hell for me.”  
“We have a lot in common,” he said.  
“How so?”  
“My parents were both alcoholics. That’s what killed my mother.”  
“Did she have dementia too?”  
“No. But I took complete care of her.”  
“We had hospice, they helped. I was the last one to see him alive. I gave him some of his medicine and the next time I saw him, he was gone. About a year later, my sister, packed up her family and left. Cut all ties. I never saw or heard from them again. After that Mom couldn’t deal. Harry, her boyfriend, lived in California, she wanted to move there, and I didn’t want to live with my younger brother who stayed there with his girlfriend. Nor did I want to stay in Florida at all, it’s wet and swampy and has alligators and there is sand everywhere. Plus, black mold is taking over…sink holes, bears, panthers, mosquitos that are so big they just might carry you away. Palmetto bugs, everywhere, oh, and sand fleas. Basically, Florida is like the jungle from Jumanji. It’s amazing anyone can live there.”  
He smiled and fell silent for a moment. “Was your mom a good mom?”  
I thought for a minute. “She was better with Harry. But she’s always been a little…off. She has anger problems, mood problems, patient problems, but, she was there. That’s more than I can say for dad, who left. Some people don’t understand how having fucked up parents can fuck us up.”  
He nodded. “I get that. Why not go off on your own?”  
“Not only was school difficult for me, but I don’t drive, and I don’t do well with people telling me what to do, so a normal job was out. I know how to drive, but I often fall asleep in a moving vehicle, I just thought it was safer for everyone if I wasn’t on the road.”  
“What did you do before this?” he asked.  
“I grew the best weed in my neighborhood and walked people’s dogs.”  
“That’s it?” he asked with a smile.  
“For money, yeah. I rarely left the house.”  
“So, you really get me.”  
“And you really get me. But…I do have this…darkness in me,” I said. “I’ve ignored it, sometimes it goes away, but it always comes back. It might just be what keeps me safe in this world. Dark Lexi will kill to survive. She is, however, fiercely loyal to those she deems worthy.”  
“Who’s worthy?” he asked.  
“Nick.”  
“Are you sure about that?”  
“Yes…but it seems his loyalty has changed…” Tears escaped. “Everyone leaves…”  
“I wouldn’t.”  
“He said that once too.”  
“I’m not him,” he replied.  
“No, you’re not.” I closed the space between us and kissed him. “However, if you hurt Nick, I’ll hurt you.”  
“He doesn’t deserve your loyalty.”  
“Maybe not, but even if he’s not with me, I still love him, he’s family, and he lives, or I’ll kill everyone.”  
He made his turtle face and then nodded. “Okay.”  
We headed back, parting ways when we got closer to the cabins. I instantly noticed that Luciana was there, on Nick’s bed.   
“You must be doing better,” I said trying to sound friendly.  
“Yeah, they released me.”  
“Where have you been?” Madison asked.  
“Helping out, making friends, gaining trust.”  
“Troy’s trust?” Nick asked walking in from the back.  
“Among others, you’re looking at an official clean up after meals person.”  
“Hmm.”  
“Really?” Madison asked. “Good job.”  
I shrugged. “It’s a little job I know, but I’m helping, and they see that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured in this chapter:  
> Beast of Burden by The Rolling Stones  
> Give Me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin  
> Demons by Imagine Dragons  
> Paparazzi by Lady Gaga


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire. Troy, Madison, and the others leave for the Outpost. Nick and Lexi work on their friendship.

Chapter Eleven 

I awoke with a jump, there was a commotion going on outside. You could hear people yelling as they ran by. Everyone else was up by now, I shoved my feet in my shoes and was walking to the door.  
“Where’s Alicia?” I heard Madison ask.  
I didn’t know, and I didn’t stop, I went outside, following the others. Nick ran by me. There was a large blaze at the top of a hill. People were running towards it; it was a small house. People filled buckets with water and ran, throwing the water onto the flames. It was nowhere near enough. This was madness, we needed an assembly line and even that might not work. A crowd had gathered, Jeremiah emerged and ordered everyone to stop. The people inside were gone.  
“Save the water,” he said. “Let it burn.”  
He turned and walked away. Some people stayed and watched the fire, but most went back to their homes. I went up to Troy.  
“Hey,” he said out of breath.  
“Can I…come over?” I asked biting my lip and then forcing myself to stop.  
“Uh, sure, come on.” He led me to the house and then up to his bedroom.   
“What do you sleep in?” I asked curious.  
“These days, pants.”  
He took off the unbuttoned flannel shirt but left the sleeveless white undershirt on and then he slipped off his shoes and crawled into bed.  
I hesitated; did I trust him enough to sleep by him?  
“You just gonna stand there?”  
“Possibly.”  
“I can build a pillow wall if you’d like.”  
I smiled and then crawled onto the bed, laying on my right side, he was on his left after he turned off the light.  
“Can’t sleep in the cabin?” he asked facing me.  
“It hurts too much to be there with Nick and Luciana…and you’re leaving in the morning.”  
“I’m coming back,” he said, his voice gravelly.  
“You better.”  
He smiled; I could see it in the bit of moonlight that drifted through the window. I reached out slowly, hesitantly and ran my hand across his neck and then up into his hair. It was just as soft as it looked, and I enjoyed touching it. With our noses practically touching, we laid there together. He was so warm, a feeling I had missed, more than I knew until this moment.   
“Hey, what’s wrong?’ he asked in a whisper.  
I thought I was being quiet, but now I sniffed and wiped my eyes.   
“I have never liked sleeping alone, I have only slept next to, in a snuggled-up way, with two other people. And when the last one…left,” I said as the tears were really picking up. “It’s been just me. Never really sleeping, just trying, but every little noise, wakes me up. I haven’t felt…safe,” I said knowing I needed to cry now, I needed to get it out, to let it go, but I didn’t want to do it in front of him. “And now,” I said after clearing my throat. “I’m here with you… I’m not scared, not worried, or waiting for the dead to find me. I can just sleep, and it will okay…You are so screwed,” I said as I let out a breath.  
“Why?” he asked with a laugh.  
“Somehow, you’re becoming as precious to me, as Nick is. And I’ll kill anything that tries to hurt him…or you….”  
“Sounds like I’m lucky to have found you.”  
“You remember that,” I said.  
I can’t remember who drifted off first but that was the first night in so long, that I was finally able, to sleep peacefully through the night.

In the morning he woke me up.  
“I grabbed some breakfast,” he said.  
“Thank you.”  
“You didn’t wake up in the night,” he observed.  
“I know,” I said with a smile. “I didn’t have any nightmares.” We sat on the bed and ate together, in comfortable silence. “When you get back, will you take me outside the fence?”  
“For what?”  
“I need to be better at killing the dead. I need to practice.”  
“Sure,” he said a little too excited. “I gotta get out there.”  
“Okay.”  
Before we left, he handed me the flannel shirt he had on the night before. “Hang onto that.”  
I put it on, liking the way it smelled, like him.  
“Oh, and this,” he said handing me my gun.  
“I filled the magazine and you can have this.”  
He said as he handed me a holster.   
“It’s just like a belt, right?”  
“Yeah.”  
I put it on, I liked it. “Thank you,” I said.  
He nodded and then we left, parting ways, he went to get ready and I took the dishes back, once there I looked for Alicia but didn’t see her anywhere, so I went to the truck they had packed up. Troy was already in the driver’s seat, the window down.  
“Be careful,” I said walking up.  
“Yes ma’am,” he said, a smile on his face.  
I couldn’t let him leave, it hurt too much, more than it should, to think he could drive away and never return…I leaned forward, our lips meeting. I pulled on his collar and kissed him deep, I was very aware that this was out in the open. His eyes were dancing when we parted, and I smiled, as his gaze stirred up something in my stomach.  
“I’ll see you soon Lexi,” he said quietly, gravelly.  
“How soon?” I asked still partially leaning into the window.  
“Shouldn’t be longer than a day,” he said looking over at me. He honked the horn, I moved back, and Madison, Nick, and Alicia looked over. “Looks like you’re with me,” Troy said.  
“I guess so,” Madison answered and then she looked back at her kids.  
“You can sleep in my room if you want, feel free to use the tub.”  
“Thanks,” I said and then he honked again. I went around to the other side of the truck. “Bye Maddy,” I said with a wave.  
“Not worried about me?” she asked.  
“Dude, you’re like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know you’ll be back.  
She smiled, I joined Nick and Alicia and a moment later the truck drove off.   
“I’m going to get some food,” Alicia said, she looked rough and I could smell alcohol on her breath.  
“You didn’t come back after the fire,” Nick said.  
“Nope.”  
“Where did you get that shirt?”  
“Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to?”  
“Is this how it’s going to be between us now?”  
“I didn’t start this war. I’m fine with sharing you, but I doubt she’s okay with that and so I won’t pine for you. You made your choice,” I said with a shrug.   
“Lexi, wait…” I looked at him. “Okay, you win. I hear you. I’m sorry. I still think you’re getting too close to him.”  
“Thank you for your opinion, now, please drop it.”  
He held up his hands and we parted ways. I needed to keep my mind busy, think positive thoughts and everything would be okay. I cleaned up once breakfast was over and then I worked in a garden for a while, until I got hungry. After eating lunch, I made the mistake of going by the cabin, Nick and Luciana were there, I came in through the back and overheard their plan to leave to go to Tijuana. Nick walked to the back of the cabin and through the doorway, he found me there. Our eyes locked.  
“Lexi,” he said just above a whisper, pain in his voice.  
“You’re always going to be leaving me, aren’t you?”  
I noticed the sadness in his eyes. Was that because he was torn between following her and leaving us? Or was I making him sad? I turned and walked away.

I helped in another one of the gardens for a bit, needing time outside my head and then I walked around outside without my shoes on, needing to feel the earth beneath my feet, when I found a nice shady spot, I sat and meditated for a bit. Later when I was just wandering around, I came upon Nick who was scrubbing the soot off the remaining walls of the burnt house. He looked up as I walked in, I grabbed another brush and began to help.  
“I’m sorry,” I said after a few minutes.  
“I hurt you,” he said. “I know how you are when people you trust do that. That’s not what I wanted; you know that right?”  
“I know,” I replied, and it was true, I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me. “So much has happened and if you’re happy…I can…be happy for you. You’re alive, you’re my best friend,” I paused. “I…I want to tell you what happened now.”  
I told him the whole story after we drove off and left him behind, when I got to the part about the three guys, it was still hard to tell him. Much harder than it had been to tell Troy. He hugged me, tight, like he used to. It wasn’t his fault. It was everything, it was what almost happened, what I did to survive, him being with someone else is just what tipped my iceberg. I hugged him just as tight, I had missed him so much.  
“I had no idea,” he said. “What I said about you protecting them was unfair, and I’m sorry,” he said as we hugged. “I know you see me leaving with Luciana as a betrayal.” The hug ended, and we looked at each other. “Can you see what I mean regarding Troy?”  
“Yes. I can.”  
“Okay,” he replied like it was settled.  
“But you have to understand…I’ve spent most of my life not doing what I’ve wanted. I do what others want, what I’m told, or the in general plan. I rarely rock the boat, you know? But now I’m making choices.”  
He went back to what he was doing. “You like him…” he said after a few minutes.  
“Yeah, I do. He’s so much like me.”  
“Like you? He’s nothing like you.”  
I gave him a look. “He’s practically the dude version of myself.”  
He looked sad, but he nodded and then continued working. “I think there are any number of choices that you could make. I don’t think getting mixed up with Troy is a good idea, but I’m not going to stop you. If you are willing to…let me go, then I guess…I guess, I can do the same for you. But if he hurts you…”  
“He won’t.”  
“I hope so.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The horribleness of waiting for people to return, but Lexi tries to keep herself busy. Nick and Lexi learn more about Jeremiah and who he is as a father. Troy and others return with unfortunate news.

Chapter Twelve 

I felt a little better after talking to Nick and I wondered around a bit, wanting to meditate a little more, sending out good vibes for Troy and the others, so they would return safely. But returning to help later. I felt like a magnet when it came to him, always coming back. As I walked into what was left of the house, Jeremiah was there, he and Nick were taking a break.   
“Hey,” I said grabbing a brush and turning to a wall.  
“Couldn’t stay away,” Nick replied with a knowing smile.  
I shook my head, rolled my eyes, smiled, and scrubbed.  
“You’re not bad at this,” Jeremiah said to Nick.  
“My dad was a contractor, he did reno for our house. Kind of taught me as he went. Used to say, you’ve got to make a house your own if you’re gonna be happy in it. He never got a chance to finish it.”  
“Well you get to finish this,” Jeremiah said. “Maybe there’s something in it for you.”  
Nick looked out and saw Luciana at the fence several feet away, she was looking out, beyond the fence.  
“She’s okay,” Jeremiah said following his gaze.  
“She thinks the monsters here are worse than the ones out there,” Nick said.  
“Then she should go,” Jeremiah responded.  
Nick looked back at him. “But we’re on the same side now, right? It doesn’t matter how bad the living might be, dead are worse so, us against them.”  
“It would be nice if it were true. When in crisis we regress to our own, that’s the way it’s always been.”  
“Luci should go cause she’s brown?” Nick asked.  
“No,” Jeremiah said. “She should go cause she can’t get right with what happened. Can you?”  
Nick went silent as he looked away. “Folks say you’ve got to hit rock bottom before you can quit your demons,” Jeremiah began. “Troy was five…maybe six, he used to have these crying jags. No rhyme, no reason.” I stopped cleaning and listened. “One day he went on one of his fits and his mother grabbed him. Locked him down in the basement. Next day, someone asked ‘where’s Troy?’ And I remembered where he was. I ran down to the basement to get him. There he is, just…wasn’t angry, just standing there. He kept sayin’ ‘I’m sorry Daddy, I’m sorry’.” I felt a tear escape and I wiped it away. “As awful as I felt, it didn’t make me quit drinkin’. At the end of the day I couldn’t change because of Troy or anybody else for that matter.” He paused and then picked up his hat. “Your mama wants to stay, your lady wants to go,” he said getting up. “What do you want? Hmm? What do you want?” he asked and then he walked away.  
I crouched down to Nick. “You can say whatever you want about Troy but think of the shit he’s had to survive.”  
“That’s not an excuse.”  
“It’s not,” I said. “We’ve all suffered at the hands of our fucked-up parents. Maybe he’s doing the best he can.”  
Nick shook his head and then looked back at me. “He’s not something you can fix Lexi.”  
“He doesn’t need fixing; he needs someone to care about him.” 

I cleaned up after dinner and went to Troy’s bedroom. I looked at his book collection, there weren’t many. But a few titles jumped out at me. I found his journals. I ran my hand over their spines but didn’t open them up. I wouldn’t want anyone to read mine. I left his room and went to sit by the gate, waiting.   
I also needed to get right with who I needed to be, who I needed to let go of. Was I willing to destroy myself, again? Maybe it would be different this time, after all, I no longer had drugs or alcohol. This version of dark Lexi could be completely different, and I wouldn’t even call her ‘dark’, I was just making choices, going after what I wanted for a change.  
Once I was tired, I went to the cabin, where Nick and Luciana were, and I went to my bed, wrapped up in Troy’s flannel shirt.  
“Hey, I’m taking Luci to the house,” Nick said.  
“Okay, have fun,” I said with a smile.  
He nodded and left. I smiled, it happened, just a small one. It didn’t hurt so much this time, that he and Luciana were going off to be by themselves. Everything was going to be okay.

I woke up early, the sun wasn’t even awake yet, but I was, so I just got a head start to my day, I was first in line for breakfast and before that I had; taken a bath, scrubbed my dirty clothes, hung them up to dry, and meditated for a bit. Shortly after the sun had completely rose, my stomach was beginning to tie up in knots. I went to the gate, with a canteen filled with water, sat on the ground, waiting. I played some songs in my head, tried to find four-leaf clovers in the patch nearby and eventually I leaned back and stared at the sky.   
Lost in thought, it was the gate opening that brought me back. I jumped up and saw them, they were on foot, limping this way. My heart fluttered as I saw Troy, and then I was sprinting out there. Madison had collapsed in Nick’s arms and Alicia was giving her a canteen. People were flocking to their loved ones, passing Troy, he looked sad, but also like he didn’t expect anyone to be happy to see him.  
I wrapped him in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re back,” I whispered.  
When I pulled back his eyes searched mine and my heart swayed. I leaned in, our lips meeting, I had been keeping this whole thing with him secret, not wanting the others to know but when he didn’t return yesterday and then again, this morning…seeing him now…I knew what I wanted. So many moments had passed me by in my life. So many times, when I could have been who I really wanted to be, and I just let them all slip right by. Now, I wasn’t going to let anything else slip by. Our kiss ended, and his eyes met mine again, there was something in them, a look I couldn’t read. I handed him my water and he took a drink.  
“What the hell happened?” Jeremiah asked as he walked over.  
Troy stepped a little in front of me and toward him. “We should talk private.”  
Vernon wasn’t having it though; everyone had a right to know what was going on.  
“They’re Indians, they slaughtered them. They slaughtered all of them,” said Mike, Vernon’s son.   
Troy moved over to him. “We made it home, huh? It’s nothing we can’t handle.”  
“They’re dead. They’re all dead.”  
“Mike, you need to get your shit together,” Troy said quietly.  
“They’re dead,” Mike said, looking crazed. Troy looked away, annoyed. “And we’re gonna die too if we don’t leave! If we stay, we…”  
Troy looked at me and then back to Mike. “Mike, shut the hell up,” he hissed.  
“If we stay, we die!” Mike finished.

I follow Troy, Jake, Jeremiah, and Madison into the house, and then I went to the kitchen, grabbing a few things.  
“Why is she here?” Jeremiah asked as he sat behind his desk.  
I looked at Troy before answering on my own. “I need to get her feet into a soak now to prevent infection,” I said walking over with a small bucket I had fixed up in the kitchen.   
Otto waved has hand and then they all began discussing the events of yesterday. I carefully take off her socks, she winces.  
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and then place her feet in the soak where she winces again.  
Troy said the helicopter was gone, hauled off somewhere and when they got to the outpost it appeared to be abandoned. They did a sweep and found a pile of dead burning bodies out back. But over on a large rock, sitting in a chair was a man names Phil, he was one of the founding fathers of the ranch. Part of his brain was exposed, and a crow was eating it as he sat there speaking nonsense, not even realizing they were there. Madison put him down and then they were surrounded by a man named Walker and his people. They took their weapons, vehicles, supplies, and shoes and sent them back with the message of, if we all didn’t leave the ranch, they would kill us all.  
“No,” Troy was saying now. “We go after them. Right now, we hit ‘em back.”  
“So, you can stroll into another ambush Coronial Custard?” Jeremiah asked.  
“There was no way to know,” Troy replied.  
“No?” Jeremiah scoffed.  
“No,” Troy replied quietly.  
“Did you scout the campsite first? Hike the perimeter? Or did you suffer some distraction? Were you already tasting the blood?”  
“It wasn’t Troy’s fault,” Madison said.  
“Oh,” Jeremiah said with a tone like everyone in the room was stupid. “You an expert?”  
“No, we were cautious.”  
“Ah, well, let’s extend the caution now. We’re not attacking.”  
“We’re right to hold off,” Jake said. “But Walker’s not going away.”  
“He’s weak,” Jeremiah spat.  
I took her right foot out of the soak and dried it, applied ointment and began wrapping. Then I carefully put a thick clean sock on. I hated parental confrontations. The tension in this room was killing me, but I got to work on her other foot.  
“He’ll negotiate,” Jake said.   
“Negotiate?” Troy asked. “There’s nothing to negotiate. It’s our land or their land. We either stole it or we didn’t.”  
“Stole?” Madison asked. “Is this their land?”  
“Well wasn’t it all Native land in the beginning?” I asked.  
“Exactly,” Jeremiah said. “It was bought, or leased, or stolen in between.”  
“And what about the Ranch?” Madison asked.  
“It was sold to my four bearers, what the hell does it matter now?”  
“It matters if he doesn’t stop, it matters if your people think they’re on the wrong side,” Madison replied.  
“This is my business to manage. Don’t mistake yourself, or your place,” he said, anger coming off him in waves.  
“Dad, she’s just trying to understand,” Jake said. “Walker’s a tribal lawyer sued us since forever. I handled it the last couple of years.”  
“We beat him, every time,” Jeremiah said.   
“And what if he comes back to the door now?” Madison asked.  
“He won’t. You ever see the Black Hat reservation?” Madison shook her head. “It’s a truck stop, motel, and market. Rocks and asphalt, liquor and oxy…”  
I finished with Madison’s feet and moved over to Troy, who held his hand up, telling me to wait. Based on the look on his face, he didn’t want to be here any longer than he had to be. So, I just stood there with him.  
“You say what you want,” Madison said. “But the man I saw was a threat. He had command.”  
“Yeah?” Jeremiah asked. “You got a little crush?”  
“You’ve got to tell people something,” Jake said.  
“You talk to them,” Jeremiah said throwing up a hand. “It’s good they start hearing from you.”  
Troy looked at his father and then back down to the floor. My heart did that thing it only used to do for Nick.   
“What do you want me to say?” Jake asked.  
“Say we’ve got weapons and walls. Say all civilizations are born of violence,” he said as he stood up and then he grabbed his hat. “People give me a headache.”  
“Troy should come with me,” Jake said. “He was there Dad…”  
He stopped talking abruptly as Jeremiah walked out of the house. There were silent eyeballs looking around and then Madison motioned me over. I helped her up and then walked with her outside to where Nick and Alicia waited. They took over. I went back inside, and Troy still sat where he had been before. I walked up to him.  
“Come on, let’s take care of your feet.”  
He nodded, and we walked upstairs. He sat on the edge of the bed and I carefully unwrapped his feet and took his socks off.  
“Ew…” I said and then I looked up at his face. “Sorry, I can diagnose, and give out herbs, but hands on stuff is…icky.” I went to the bathroom to get warm water and then I threw in the herbs and salt. “This is going to sting.”  
He nodded and lowered his feet into the bucket.   
“You’re not used to someone taking care of you huh?”   
He shook his head and wouldn’t look at me. “Why are you doing this for me?”  
“I take care of people I care about,” I said with a shrug. “Annoyingly so. Where are your clean socks?”  
He pointed to a drawer. “How were things here?”  
“Fine, stressful. I hate waiting for people,” I paused. “Parents have a way of not seeing their kids potential.” He looked at me. “Your dad is wrong, about you. You know, that right?”  
He looked away. I squatted in front of him and gently put my hands on his face, bringing it back to look at me. “You’re brave and protective. Strong, a leader and…” I paused. “I’m totally falling in love with you…”  
His eyes welled up. “Lexi…”  
“I know it’s hard, not to believe what those around you say about you. No one ever took me seriously. I went against the norm, against tradition. I’m twenty-three and have never lived on my own. I grew weed professionally and walked dogs. I meditated and collected weapons. That was my life. I wasn’t in a relationship, no car, no one thought I’d even amount to anything. Never took me seriously. When the extended family would get together, and everyone would brag about what their kids were up to, all mom ever said was I was her ‘unusual child’ and they would laugh. But fuck them. I’m still here, I’m rocking the apocalypse. It doesn’t matter what he or anyone else thinks. What do you think? I haven’t known you for very long, but I like you more than anyone else.” His eyes spilled over, and I sat next to him, hugging him from the side and running my fingers through his hair. “I thought a lot when you were gone and I…I want to stay with you, Troy.”  
“What if the others decide to leave?” he asked.  
I shook my head. “Let ‘em. I’ve been out there and this place, I think is the best place to be. I’m with you.”  
He kissed me then. “I want you with me too.”  
I felt waves of chills cascading around my body when he said that.  
Within ten minutes or so his feet were done, and he was lying on the bed. I was next to him propped up, with my head in my hand. He placed his hand lightly on my leg. We stayed there for a while, not talking. I occasionally ran my fingers through his hair, we just examined each other’s eyes. His were so blue, I felt calm and grounded as I stared into the galaxy within.  
“Tell me what made you happy in the old world,” he said, his voice gravelly, the way it did when he spoke just above a whisper.   
“Um, books, music, painting, swimming, weed, chocolate, video games,” I paused and smiled again as I realized there were so many other things that belonged on that list. “Dancing, being with friends, walking the neighbor’s dogs, cooking for friends, cooking for myself when I was at home alone, looking at stars, singing, watching a sunset, frogs, puppies, being near flowing water, going to the beach, listening to thunder, listening to rain, listening to the amazing quiet that comes with snow, coloring with crayons, and…the big weekly ‘let’s clean out the fridge dinner’ the Clark’s had.”  
“Wow.”  
“Yeah, I never even realized how awesome everything was till it was taken away,” I said hearing the sadness in my voice.  
“What makes you happy now?” he asked.  
“Music, weed, chocolate, dancing, looking at stars, watching a sunset, frogs, being near flowing water, listening to rain, and…you.”  
He smiled and looked away. “I can take you out tomorrow if you still wanna practice.”  
“I do, but you should give your feet longer to heal. We can do that whenever.”  
He kissed me and then he was lying on his back, he moved his right arm, and a moment later I was lying there, snuggling up to him, his arm wrapping around me. I breathed in deep, my head fitting perfectly in that space between shoulder and neck. My eyes closed and then I was asleep.   
I woke up when Jake came into the room, his voice loud as he walked in.  
“Really Troy?”  
I kept my breathing even and my eyes closed.  
“What?” he answered in a quieter voice.  
“I just asked you to stay away from her. This is the opposite of that.”  
“Well Madison isn’t her mother and she decided to see me on her own free will. So…should I have turned her away?”  
“Yeah.”  
Troy just laughed, like an internal snort. “Yeah okay. I’ll remember that next time. Did you need me for something?”  
“No,” Jake said in a huff. “Nothing.”  
Once he left the room, I opened my eyes and looked up at Troy, he looked at me.  
“Am I getting you trouble?” I asked as my eyebrows came together.   
“No, but I might be getting you in trouble.”  
I made a noise. “Like you said, Madison’s not my mom.”  
“Yeah, but they are the group you’re with, they’re your people.”  
“Do you…want me to go?” I asked, dreading the answer.   
“No,” he replied. “Never.”  
I smiled and then kissed his neck, it was there, I wanted too. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”  
“Don’t be, I didn’t mind being a uh, body pillow.”  
That’s when I realized I had grabbed onto him and thrown my leg over his at some point.  
“Oh…s…”  
“No, no sorry’s,” he said and then he leaned in, brushing my lips with his.   
“I should go check on Madison,” I said sitting up.   
“You gonna come back?” he asked.  
“Definitely,” I replied.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi spends time with Troy. Madison is unhappy.

Chapter Thirteen

I left the house and walked over to the cabin. Madison was sitting on her bed when I walked in, she looked up at me.   
“How are your feet?”  
“They don’t hurt as much as they did before. Thank you, for your soak.”  
“Of course.”  
“How’s Troy, that’s where you’ve been right?”  
“He’s…okay. I haven’t spent that much time with him.”  
“You should know what happened while we were gone.”  
She told me that Troy held a knife to her throat while she was sleeping after she suggested their next move, but I knew how Madison could be and she probably said something that prompted that response.  
“Did you know Luciana is gone?” she asked.  
“What?” I asked as my heart seized. “No, is Nick…”  
“He’s here. She left on her own. Maybe, your chance with him isn’t over…”  
I looked at her, but she busied herself with whatever she was working on in her lap. I felt awkward and I couldn’t leave without saying something.  
“He left us, Madison. That was his choice and he wouldn’t let me come. And then, he moved on, like we had never even been a ‘we’. So, the fact that he’s now single, it just doesn’t even register.”  
“I saw the look on your face,” she said. “You were worried he was gone.”  
“Wanting him to stay with us and wanting to be with him are two different things.”  
“You’re getting too close to Troy,” she said not letting up.  
“Really? Is Alicia getting too close to Jake?”  
She looked at me, a slight hint of shock passing over her face. “No,” she said looking away. “Jake isn’t Troy.”  
“I know,” I said with a small smile. “That’s why I didn’t pick that brother. So, I’m getting too close, as in, if I get to know who he really is, you won’t be able to manipulate him?”  
She looked at me, her face saying it all, that’s exactly what she was worried about. “You won’t be able to control him,” she said after a minute.  
“I won’t have to.”  
“If you don’t, he will kill again.”  
“That’s going to happen anyway, look around, or did you forget about the apocalypse? If we wanna survive, we’ve gotta kill.”  
“No, no, there are other ways.”  
I took in a breath and let it out slowly. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. If you want another soak, let me know.”  
I left the cabin and headed back towards the house. Nick had stayed. Maybe we really could go back to being friends like we used to be. That was what I wanted now, something was happening between Troy and I and I felt as if I owed it to myself to see where it would lead. Nick and I had always been just fine being friends, and I was sure we could make it back to that familiar place. I smiled to myself as I walked back into the house and up the stairs. My, how far I’ve come. I walked back into Troy’s room and he was nowhere to be found, but the bathroom door was closed, and I could hear water running. So, I grabbed a book from his shelf and then plopped down on the bed, immersing myself in a story.  
A while later the bathroom door opened, and he walked out in a towel. My eyes raked over his naked upper half and then I looked away, suddenly feeling shy.  
“You came back,” he said as he went over to his dresser and pulled out some clothes.  
“I told you I would.”  
“How’s Madison?” he asked not turning around.  
“She’s…Madison,” was all I offered and then changed the subject. “Luciana left.”  
“Yeah?” he asked turning to look at me with clean clothes in hand. “Did Nick go too?”  
“Amazingly, no.”  
A look passed over his face. “Oh, good,” he said giving me the turtle look.  
“I think it could be, now we can all be friends,” I said feeling that same smile.  
“Is that what you want?” he asked pausing in front of the bathroom.  
“Yes,” I replied looking him in the eyes.  
“I mean, you uh, you don’t…want him?”  
I shook my head. “He hurt me too much for me to be with him again any time soon and I…I want you.”  
He smiled and then walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I felt…happy. For the first time in forever, really weirdly happy. He reemerged, dressed, and sat by me.  
I didn’t see Nick all day, I was here with Troy, in his room. He told me about growing up here, about his best friend, Mike, who had always stuck by him even when everyone else turned away. Our stories, though they varied at times were so strangely similar.  
“Have you had any relationships other than Nick?” he asked.  
“One other,” I confirmed. “Her name was Alice.”  
“Her?” he asked sounding a bit surprised.  
“Yeah, we met when we were fifteen, we were each other’s firsts. I had known I liked girls since I was about five. She said I sunk up on her.”  
“What happened?”  
“We moved,” I said with a shrug. “We tried keeping in touch but with an entire country between us, we drifted apart. And then there was Nick, and plants to grow, and dogs to walk. And she had her own stuff.”  
“Do you miss her?”  
“Every now and then. But I don’t think about her much. I was a different person then. Still a kid, you know? But sometimes, I wonder what happened to her. Is she out there somewhere? Is she safe? I hope so. What about you?”  
He looked away, making his turtle face. “Girls never really seemed interested in me. I’ve had a few hookups, but nothing serious. Plus, when you don’t get out much…”  
“I hear that,” I replied. “It always seemed to me like people were afraid to be alone and I never understood that. Being alone, didn’t bother me.”  
He nodded and looked into my eyes. “What’s your favorite color Lexi LaRue?”  
I laughed and then looked into his eyes. “Blue. What’s yours?”  
He stared intently into my eyes and then answered, “Green.”  
~*~

That night as I was heading to get some dinner, Troy had gone on ahead, I had wanted to finish the chapter I had been reading.   
Madison found me. “Let’s talk,” she said.  
“Okay.”  
“Heard you were asleep in Troy’s bed earlier. Thought you weren’t that close.”  
“Wow, it’s just like being a teenager again. Madison, what’s the goal? Your goal, our mission.”  
“To stay.”  
“Right, to stay. And you even said we might have to take this place over. If that happens, we need allies. Otherwise it’s the same situation as it was with Celia. I am getting close to Troy, in my own way, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. But you don’t get to have a say in how I gain his trust. Back off. I will act according to the mission. But I’ll do it my way.”  
“He’s dangerous Lexi.”  
“Do you think, you’re not?” I asked slowly. “Do you think I’m not?”  
“Neither of us have killed people for sport.”  
“But we have killed.”  
“I’m just…worried about you,” she said getting agitated.  
“Or, you’re worried that you can’t control me.”  
She forced a smile. “Okay, Lexi,” she sighed and then threw her hands up and walked off.  
I rarely challenged her, but I had had enough, no one was going to tell me who I could and couldn’t hang out with.  
I got my food and sat with Troy.  
“Hey,” he said. “How’s the book?”  
I shrugged. “I’m still on the fence but I’ll keep reading.”  
“What is it?” he asked with observing eyes.  
“Jake must have told Alicia who told Madison about my nap earlier.”  
“Was she mad?”  
“She wants me to stay away from you.”  
“What did you say?”  
“I told her to back off.”  
“How’d that go?”  
“Well she’s pissed,” I answered.  
“I don’t usually have to apologize for Jake, he’s always apologizing for me,” Troy pondered out loud. “You wanna…sleep over?” he asked with a smirk.  
I looked at him. “Hell yes.”

I went by the cabin, no one was in there and I grabbed my stuff and then headed to the house. Up the stairs and into Troy’s room. He wasn’t there yet and so I went about brushing my teeth and then returning to the book I was reading. When he arrived, he told me we could go out of ranch tomorrow for patrol and hunt down some infected to kill.  
“How are your feet?” I asked.  
“They’re feeling much better.”  
“Can I see?”  
“Sure,” he said sitting down and taking off his shoes and then socks.   
I unwrapped them. “Wow, I am so awesome! How about another soak?”  
He nodded and so I made another soak and then placed the bucket in front of him, he put his feet in.  
“Tell me a story about yourself,” he said.  
“What kind of story?” I asked sitting next to him.  
“I don’t know, a fond memory.”  
I nodded as I thought. “So, this one time, it was a Friday and I had just got paid from my dog walking business. I wanted to do something different and so I got a ride and went to this shooting range. I like to be informed and knowledgeable on the weapons I collected instead of, it was something I bought this cause it looked cool. Anyway, I took one class and then went out to shoot some stuff, I was the only girl there and everyone was looking at me, their faces said they didn’t believe I could hold a candle to how they could shoot. I went out there and blew them all away. It was almost perfect,” I said with a smile. “It was so awesome.”  
He smiled. “Tell me another.”  
I went on, telling him my most awesome memories, most of them involved Nick, sometimes Alicia. We finished his feet and then stripped down to what we would be sleeping in and crawled into bed.  
“It’s way too early for bed,” I said.  
“Is it? I didn’t notice. Tell me some more stories,” he said settling in.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the threat of Walker on the horizon, several people at the Ranch want to leave.

Chapter Fourteen 

We fell asleep entangled with each other. In the morning at breakfast we were informed about what happened last night. Fires had appeared all around the ranch. Troy had to go investigate with the others. I stayed behind to clean up once breakfast was over, and he found me once he got back.  
“You wanna practice now?” he asked.  
“Yes,” I responded.  
We went over to a truck and climbed in, within a few minutes we were outside the ranch driving along a dirt road, heading farther from the ranch. I enjoyed being in the truck, with the window down, the breeze on my face.  
“What did you find out about the fires?” I asked.  
“It was Walker,” he confirmed. “They’re trying to scare us and make us leave. It just proves that he doesn’t have the weapons to take us out.”  
Right as I began to get sleepy the truck was stopping. We hopped out and grabbed our weapons from the back.  
There were about fifteen or so ambling over, spaced out enough that it shouldn’t be too bad.  
“You wanna go for the obvious,” Troy said. “If you can’t get ‘em in the head, cut off their hands. Don’t let them have the advantage. There’s no reason to fear them, they’re already dead.” He showed me and then handed me the machete.  
“What about my bat?”  
“The bat is good if you can get ‘em in the head. But if you can’t, the bat isn’t going to do much.” I nodded. “I’ll be here if you get in trouble.”  
He walked a few paces back and I took in a few deep breaths, clearing my mind. I am like water, I thought, remembering how Spike Spiegel explained how he was able to move, fluid, like water…my eyes opened and two of them were coming closer, having noticed me. There is nothing to fear.  
When the one on my left reached out, I pulled an Ezio and sliced across the forearms, with the threat of being clawed gone, I shoved the machete into its skull, then swiftly turned around and sliced horizontally through the air, decapitating the other. The head still tried biting and stabbed it. Others were closer now. I carefully took in the scene; I went for the ones closest to me first and worked my way out.  
I’d like to think I was good at this, because of all the video games I’ve played. It was still pretty scary, being so close to them and remembering I wasn’t invisible. But I think I did well. Troy only stepped in to get three of them.  
“No bad,” he said with his turtle face.  
“Agreed. But I need to be better,” I paused, thinking. “Teach me to fight. Train me to be a soldier. But just you and away from the others.”  
He pondered for a moment. “Okay, you can be my number two.”  
“How’s Blake going to feel about that?”  
“We won’t tell him,” he said with a smile.

Soon after returning to the ranch we heard talk of several families that wanted to leave. We headed for the pantry.  
“This is impressive,” I said with a smile, once we were inside. I had only seen it once with Jeremiah and Madison and that was only for a few minutes. “Can I poke around and see what’s here?”  
“Have at it.”  
“If I find any chocolate…can I have a small bite?”  
“If you find it, you can have a whole bar.”  
I really smiled and then went out in search of the chocolate. I was close by when Nick strolled in, and able to hear their conversation.  
“Whoa, whoa,” Troy said stopping him. “What brings you down here?”  
“Uh, Lumber?” Nick replied. “Drywall screws…”  
Troy nods. “You flyin’ solo?”  
“What?” Nick asks as he lowers the hood on his shirt.  
“Luciana, she uh, she take off?”  
“Do me a favor, say he name again.”  
“Hoo oh,” Troy answered. “Easy, easy partner. It’s just good you didn’t take off after her, that’s all I’m saying.”  
They stared at each other.  
“Lexi has decided you are worth her time,” Nick said. “She’s wrong, but you can’t tell her that. There is nothing worth saving in you. If you hurt her, I’ll break you.”  
He smiled. “Funny, she said the same thing about you. But she said, she’d kill everyone for you. Are you worth it? Are you worth, her darkness returning?”  
Nick looked…shocked?  
Two people walked over with supplies; Troy was trying to get them to stay. I walked farther into the pantry, and success! I found the chocolate. I grabbed a bar and returned, staying hidden from the confrontation.  
“This is for members of our community,” Troy said. “If you leave, you’re not a member.”  
“Take it up with your father,” the old lady said. “We spoke this morning.”  
“Okay,” he said quietly and then he turned slowly, cleared his throat, and walked out.  
I came out from the racks then and Nick found me instantly, he looked surprised.  
“S’up?” I asked with a slight nod of my head.  
The people walked on by and out of the pantry.  
“You trust him enough to tell him about your darkness?” he asked.  
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have told him.”  
“Lexi…”  
“I’m being careful.”  
“You’re not, you’re falling for him,” he said, sounding disgusted.  
I laughed. “We’re just talking.”  
“Yeah? Where have you been the last few nights? You’re not sleeping in the cabin.”  
“I couldn’t take seeing you and…”  
“She’s gone,” he said interrupting me.  
“I heard, I’m sorry.”  
“Are you?”  
“I don’t want you to hurt Nick. I never want that,” I said a little hurt that he could think anything else.  
“So, come back to the cabin.”  
I looked at him for several moments. “No.”  
“You act like I don’t know you.”  
He did know, nothing about me has ever gotten past him.  
“You’re still fixing up the house?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Do you want some help?”  
“Okay, come on,” he said.  
We fell into a familiar routine; we had always worked well together. About an hour later I was starving.  
“I’m going to get some food,” I said.  
“Okay. Thanks for your help.”  
“You’re not hungry?”  
“I’ll eat later, but I want to finish this section.”  
I waved and then walked swiftly to get some food. After getting a tray and going through the line I ran into Madison.  
“Hey, where have you been?”  
“Helping Nick fix up that house.”  
“He’s still working on that?”  
“Yep, it’s coming along really well. Where are you heading?”  
“Going to talk to Jeremiah. Want to join me?”  
“Sure,” I said as we walked up to the picnic table where he sat.  
I noticed Troy sitting at the next table over with a couple of his buddies, he was just finishing his food. He nodded at me and I held his gaze but sat by Madison.  
“Your head still hurt?” Madison asked.  
“Migraines,” Jeremiah said. “You get ‘em?”  
“No, but my father did. The light made it worse.”  
I dug in my pocket for a baggy of rolled and ready to go weed. I took one out replaced the bag in my pocket, lit the one I was holding, took in a long drag and then offered it to Jeremiah.  
“The best things for migraines include; weed, sex, sitting in a bath in the dark, feverfew, and meditation.”  
“No thanks, I don’t do that,” he said waving a hand at the perfectly natural plant.  
“Really? You don’t have a problem with putting poison in your body, but you refuse natural remedies?”  
“What poison?”  
“Alcohol is poison with the exception of vodka and moonshine depending on how you make it. This comes from the earth and has a plethora of benefits,” I said inhaling again.  
“Fine,” he said and then he took it.  
“Where did you get that?” Madison asked.  
“I’m always packing.”  
“Where do you keep it?”  
“That’s a secret I won’t reveal,” I replied.  
“Thanks,” Jeremiah said.  
I was already feeling lighter, feeling like I loved everyone. My eyes drifted to Troy, and my mind wondered to dirty places…His gaze shifted to mine, I didn’t look away, but he did.  
Madison was just bringing up Vernon but then he walked up to the table. He asked to speak to Jeremiah in private.  
“Anything you need to say can be said in front of everyone.”  
Vernon hesitated, but only for a moment. “Look, we’re friends, going on thirty years… You know I love this place. I love what we started here,” he said looking around. “But a man’s family comes first. Just gotta protect them best he knows how, and the best I know how is to leave. Now.”  
My eyes flashed to Troy, Vernon’s family included Mike, Troy’s best friend… He was listening but not looking over here.  
“You running off at the first sign of trouble?” Jeremiah asked.  
“Sign of trouble? They killed eight of ours. They sawed Phil’s…hell Otto, that could’ve been…”  
“Alright,” Jeremiah said putting his hands up.  
“Alright?”  
“Well what do you want me to say? You don’t need my permission, you wanna go? Go.”  
“You don’t wanna go out there Mr. Trimbol,” Madison said.  
“It’s hell out there,” I said. “Your family is safer here.”  
“My mind is made up,” Vernon replied not looking at any of us. “I’m sorry Jeremiah.”  
“Mike going with you?” Troy asked.  
“My family’s leaving, Troy,” Vernon answered and then he walked off.  
Troy nodded, but I could tell he was getting angry or upset, possibly both. He sat there for a minute or two. I finished my food while Madison and Jeremiah continued to talk, but I wasn’t listening.  
“To hell with this,” Troy said jumping up and then he took off.  
Madison and I jumped up and followed after him. She called out to him, but he didn’t stop, he didn’t slow down until he reached the gate, where a large RV pulling a small trailer with horses in it sat waiting for the gate to be opened.  
“Keep that gate closed Jimmy,” Troy said.  
“Your father gave the okay.”  
“I don’t give a damn; you open that gate and I shoot you in the head.” He looked into the driver’s side window. “Open the door.”  
“I’m not doing this Troy,” Vernon said.  
“Open the door Vernon.”  
He waited a moment and when nothing happened, he walked around to the other side of the RV.  
“Mike!” he yelled. “Mike, get your ass out here now! Come on, get your ass out here. People died for us Mike,” Troy yelled. “Our people and you’re going to run!” he hit the window with his hand several times. “Huh? That’s not what a man does Mike!”  
“Troy,” Jake said as he ran over.  
Alicia wasn’t far behind and beyond her Jeremiah and others were flocking over.  
“That’s not what a man does.”  
“Troy!” Jake yelled. “Stand down, Dad said they could leave.”  
“He said they could leave,” Troy said coming back around and standing in front of the vehicle. “But not with ranch property.”  
“What property?” Jake asked. “This is theirs.”  
“They gassed up, didn’t they? Gas is ranch property, and I guarantee you,” he said pointing to Vernon as he came back around to the driver’s side. “They took plenty of shit from the pantry. I wanna see an inventory Vernon!” he yelled hitting the window. “I wanna inspect it.”  
“That’s not what Dad wants,” Jake said calmly grabbing his brother.  
“Why should I give a damn what Dad wants, he doesn’t give a shit about m- “  
Jake pulled Troy around and slammed him into the RV. “You’re not protecting the ranch.”  
Troy pushed Jake off. “The hell do you know about it? You don’t have a clue what this ranch is about. They’ve been here a week and they get it,” he said motioning to Madison and myself.  
“You gonna fight for what’s yours, or you gonna surrender?” Troy asked in Jake’s face.  
“It’s not your call, is it?”  
“You gonna fight, you gonna surrender?”  
“You’re not in charge, are you?”  
That’s when Troy punched Jake in the face, one solid hit.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jeremiah yelled as he moved in front of Jake and punched Troy on the right side of his face. My eyes went wide. Troy covered his face and didn’t even move to hit back, that’s when I knew this was what he had to deal with his whole life. I knew because I went through it too. Jeremiah went back to hit him again, in that moment it was like I was watching myself, in that moment I knew exactly who Jeremiah was, and in that moment, I vowed he would never touch Troy again. Not while I was there. I put myself between them, Jeremiah gave me this look, hatred? Annoyance? And then Jake was by me, pulling his father away. Jeremiah held his hand and had a look of pain on his face. Troy grabbed my hand and we began walking. The gate was opened, and Vernon drove through.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Lexi get closer. Lexi follows Troy into his darkness.

Chapter Fifteen

Troy and I went to the pantry, he wanted to lock up the guns. I watched him, there was a cut under his eye. It was already swelling,  
“Why did you do that?” he asked quietly.  
I took in a breath and let it out slowly and then I took off my shirt, standing there in just my bra, I turned around, so he could see my back.  
“You see that scar, the one by my shoulder blade?”  
“Yeah.”  
“My mom did it. We had been arguing and I wasn’t backing down. She pushed me, hard. I fell backwards and landed on a tree stump.”  
He touched it, running his fingers over the length of it. I turned back around and looked him in the eyes. “She never touched me again. It’s hard to stand up to parents, no matter how old you get they are still this…force. But for me, that was my breaking point,” I said.  
He was looking at me, my exposed skin, my tattoos. His right hand touched my left and he slowly ran it up my arm, to my shoulder, across my chest. My skin chilled, I shivered, and then I kissed him. Tangling my hand in his hair and pulling him into me. His hands were everywhere at once. His shirt was on the floor with mine. Our pants came off in a blur. I pushed him back and sat on top of him. He looked into my eyes, I wasn’t embarrassed or shy, both of which was new for me. I touched his face, lightly kissing his cheek and then back to his lips, letting my fingers slide down his fuzzy jaw. I put my hands on his chest and let them slide down his abs and then I grabbed his shoulders, looking him in the eyes again. He nodded, bringing my face close to his, capturing my lips as I began to move on top of him. I was in no way an expert, but I had seen movies, so I figured I knew what I was doing for the most part. We were in perfect synchronicity as we both cried out at the same time, my body shaking on top of his as I pulled him close, shivers of passion and ecstasy crashing over me...  
“I can’t believe I found you,” he said, out of breath, his eyes lighting up as they gazed longingly into mine.  
“I can’t believe it either,” I replied with a smile, unable to comprehend how amazing I felt at this moment. “I…I actually catch myself sometimes, thinking that if all of this had started sooner, I could have found you faster…” I shook my head. “It’s stupid…”  
We untangled from each other, stood, and pulled our clothes back on.  
“It’s not stupid,” he said catching my hand and giving it a squeeze. “Not at all.”  
I leaned in kissing him again and then it was back to locking up guns.   
“I can’t believe I wasted my weed on that asshole.”  
“He’s not…”  
“He’s a child abuser Troy,” I interrupted him. “Asshole is the nicest thing I could have called him. I don’t tolerate those kinds of people. Parents are supposed to protect their kids, not beat them. He will never touch you again.”  
He looked at me, a tear escaping his eye and then our lips met once more. That’s when Madison walked in, we pulled apart.  
“Looking for something to take out the old man?” she asked. “I’ve been there.”  
“It’s the first thing folks will grab if there’s a run on the place.”  
“Good. I was worried you might do something rash.”  
“To my family?” he asked meeting her gaze. “No, no. Never.”  
“Can’t blame my worry.”  
“No. All I’ve ever had in my, my whole life is this place and these people and…” he shook his head. “I don’t know, I don’t understand, you know, like, the world out there, it’s uh, it’s burned.”  
“They wanted to see for themselves,” Madison said quietly.  
He shook his head. “Anyone who leaves is dead to me.” Madison nodded. “You know, Mike, he was soft, but he’s been one of my friends since I was a kid,” he said sitting on a table edge. “He stayed in school when I got pulled, but he never quit on me. Never. Even when others did.”  
“He didn’t quit on you Troy, he just stood by his family.”  
Troy paused for a moment and then said, just above a whisper, “He wouldn’t look at me. He just…” He grabbed his nose, the way some do to hold back their tears and then sniffed. “Hard to know how to react to something like that.”  
“You make sure no one else leaves,” Madison said. The heavy door to the pantry opened. “Keep them from making the same mistake. I’ll help you.”  
“Me too,” I said touching his cheek.  
He looked at me and then leaned his head on me, I ran my hand through his hair. Madison and I exchanged a look. Then he stood up, cleared his throat, and walked just beyond the opening of the armory cage where his soldiers gathered. Madison and I walked over to the opening, standing just behind him.  
“I want you all at attention,” he said. They lined up and faced him. “Alright, that’s a start.”  
“Tracking Mike down and beating his ass would be a start,” Jimmy said.  
“Mike’s gone,” Troy replied. “And he’s not coming back, that’s the end of it. I don’t want to hear his name again. From now on we set an example. We become a model of what this place needs. Order. Discipline, a Chain of Command. We have to make those people out there feel safe. Or they’ll leave. All of them. We have to defend this ranch with our lives, or they will be slaughtered. All of them. This place, this place is all we have, and right now, it is, teetering. The only thing that can save it, is us. I’m not going to draw a line on the floor, I’m not asking whether you’re with me. You are with me. All of you. Do you understand?”  
“Yes sir,” they answered in unison.  
Troy looked back at us and then dismissed them. I smiled as I walked by. “I’ll see you later.”  
He nodded, and then Madison and I left the pantry. She shook her head.  
“Listen,” I began. “I am so grateful to you, for allowing me to come along. I love you guys so much, you’re my family. I’ve said that for years…”  
“You have feelings for him,” she said.  
“So, what?”  
“That’s gonna get us all killed. I won’t let him hurt me, or my children.”  
“I would never let him hurt any of you.”  
“If you had to choose, him or your family, who would you pick?”  
“Why can’t he be my family too? Why do I have to pick at all?”  
“He’s a murderer.”  
“So am I,” I said. “I’ve killed, and I’d do it again.”  
“You killed to survive, he did it for another reason.”  
“We’ve all done things in our past we aren’t proud of, but should it define who we are forever?”  
“If you had to choose between him and N- “  
“No, I’m not playing this game anymore. Survival is the goal; a future is the goal. I haven’t lost sight of that. But I’m not going to abandon him.”  
“It’s your call,” she said walking on ahead.  
Even though she said it, I didn’t feel that she meant it. I headed to Nick’s house.  
“Wow this is really coming along.”  
“Thanks,” he said climbing down from a ladder.   
The house now had all the walls up and most of the roof done. It already had a bed and other furniture, as well as some oil lamps.  
“Are you going to live here?”  
“I need my own space,” he said, and I nodded, completely understanding.   
I wanted to fall back into our usual familiar-ness. But the conversation felt forced, like I was hitting a wall and scrambling to come up with something to say and so after telling him how nice the place looked, I excused myself and left.   
I spent a little while on my own, ate dinner, and then went to Troy’s room.  
“I didn’t see you at dinner,” I said walking into the room.  
“I’m not hungry,” he said from where he sat at his desk.  
I walked over to him. “What’s bothering you?”  
He shook his head. “I…I need to go out there and find Mike. I need an explanation.”  
I hesitated a moment but then pressed on. “Sometimes, you just don’t get closure.”  
“No,” he replied.  
“Yes,” I shot back. “You don’t always get the last word, not everything can be made up all nice and neat with a pretty bow. Life is messy, and things…just end.”  
“I’m going,” he said with a ‘this is final’ tone.  
“Look farther down the road, if you go out there, and he still refuses to answer that’s just going to piss you off.”  
“Lexi, this isn’t up for debate,” he said turning to look at me.  
I ran over everything in my head. “Okay, let’s go.”  
“You’re not going,” he replied quickly.  
“Yes. I’m tired of sitting by and waiting. If you’re going out there, I’m going with you.”  
He held my gaze, so many emotions playing across his face. He eventually sighed and then handed me one of his camouflage jackets.   
“How about black?” I asked.  
“If you want to go out there, this is what you’ll wear.”  
I made a face but took the jacket. “Fine.”  
We got dressed, grabbed our guns, he gave me a knife and we left on foot.   
We didn’t talk, we walked with purpose in silence and found them not too far down the road.  
“Troy what are you doing here?” Vernon asked.  
He went straight to Mike, he spoke quietly, and I couldn’t hear from where I stood.  
“Lexi?” Gretchen asked.  
“Get back in the RV,” Vernon said. She looked at me, fear crossing her face and then went back inside. “You shouldn’t be here girl,” he said to me. “Got no idea what you’ve got yourself into.”  
“Oh, you mean because Troy kills people? Yeah, I know.”  
“He will drag you down with him…”  
“You can’t scare me away from him, so don’t waste your breath.”  
“Talk to me Mike! You owe me that much!” Troy said louder, getting angry.  
“What’s going on over there?” Vernon asked trying to walk over and see.  
I took out my gun and pointed it at him. He looked at me. “You think I’m scared of you girl?”  
“You should be, one more step and I’ll shoot you. So far, I haven’t missed.”  
Troy came back over, anger written all over his face. Vernon took advantage of the opportunity to go over and check on his son and I went to Troy.  
He was shaking his head. “He won’t talk to me.”  
“Let’s just go,” I said.  
“No.”  
“There is no point in killing them,” I said looking him in the eyes.  
“They’re not going to make it anyway, you said so yourself.”  
“So, leave it up to them. Let Vernon lose his family one by one because he was too hardheaded to stay. Killing them isn’t going to fix anything.”   
“I can’t let them walk,” he said as he started back over there.  
I blocked his path. “You can, you can.”  
“Get out of my way Lexi.”  
“Just think for a minute…”  
He looked at me and then beyond me. “I’ve thought about it,” he said going around me.  
He walked over, Vernon tried to stop him, but Troy hit him, knocking him on the ground. Then he turned to Mike and slit his throat.  
“No!” Vernon yelled as he crawled over to Mike. “No,” he repeated as he began to cry.  
I looked away and then others came out of the RV.  
“What’s happening?”   
“Dad?”  
When they saw Mike, there was screaming and crying. Troy went after them, but I cut him off once more.  
“You don’t have to be this person Troy,” I said.  
“They left, they’re already dead,” he muttered.  
“So, let’s just go.” I grabbed his face gently in my hands. “Let’s just go. They’re already dead, there’s nothing more that we can do.”  
“I can finish this.”  
“It doesn’t need to be finished. It’s done.”  
“Listen to your girl,” Vernon said.  
Why couldn’t men just shut up? Why did they insist on making things worse? Troy turned, going back to finish it. I sighed and then turned and shot Vernon, in the head. He fell to the ground. Within a few moments the rest of them were dead. I took in a breath and then let it out slowly.   
“You said Walker burned the people at the outpost…” I said thinking. “We need to do that. We need to make it seem like Walker did this.”  
We got to work, recreating a copycat crime scene and then we lit a fire. He sat down, watching the flames.   
“What about Mike?” I asked.  
“I’m waiting for him to turn.”  
“How long will it take?”  
“Eighty minutes,” he responded instantly.  
“Troy, we still have to get the RV and supplies out of here. There really isn’t time…”  
He was silent for a while. “You’re right…” He finally said, standing up.  
We drug Mike’s body over to the fire and then threw him onto the pile. “We should go.”  
We got in the RV and Troy drove off. He felt distant as he kept his eyes on the road.   
“Are you okay?” I asked quietly.  
He didn’t respond and so I sat back in my seat, leaving him with his thoughts. About an hour and half passed until we reached a small cabin. He stopped the RV, turned it off, and then got out. I hopped out and then went over to his side.  
“Look at me,” I said. He sniffed, and his eyes found mine. “Are you okay?”  
“We shouldn’t have come…I should’ve listened to you…”  
“What’s done is done,” I said. “Now we need to finish this and get back.”  
He nodded. “We can unload the supplies here.”  
We got to work, once the supplies were unloaded, we took the horses out of the trailer.  
“What are we going to do with the horses?”  
“Let ‘em go, I guess.”  
“It’s gonna be a long walk back…what if we ride the horses back to where we found them, let them go, and go back on foot?” I asked.  
“Okay.”  
We got the horses ready, unhooked the trailer from the RV, and then pushed it over a cliff. Once that was done Troy got the RV as close as he could to the edge and then we pushed it over.  
“You know how to ride?” he asked.  
“Climb up and sit down?”  
“For the most part,” he said helping me up on the blonde horse.   
Then he jumped up on the reddish one. “You shouldn’t have been here,” he said.  
“If I hadn’t you would have left a mess. No offense. Now when the others find the scene, it can be reinforced how dangerous Walker is. We can keep anyone else from leaving.”  
“You shouldn’t have had to…”  
“Hey,” I said looking over at him. “I’m with you. I’ve killed before and I’ll do it again. Nick is safe, you are safe, and we have a home to go back to. I chose to come with you, and I chose to shoot Vernon. You didn’t make me do anything. Now we stay quiet, no one can know. Okay?”  
“Not even Nick?” he asked.  
“Especially Nick. I won’t tell him. But you can’t tell Madison.”  
“I won’t. It’s you and me now.”  
A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I nodded.  
Once we got back to the fire, which had just about burnt out, we slid off the horses and took off their saddles and reigns, and then Troy slapped their behinds. They took off running. We ditched the equipment and then continued on foot. I took Troy’s hand and began singing quietly. “'I need you, right here, by my side, cause you’re everything I’m not, in my life. We’re indestructible, we are untouchable, nothing can take us down tonight. You are so beautiful; it should be criminal that you could be mine. We will make it out alive, I promise you this love will never die. No matter what, I’ve got your back, I’ll take a bullet for you if it comes to that’.” He squeezed my hand and I smiled at him, wanting him to know how I felt. “’So, believe me, when I say, you’re the one. They’ll never forgive us for the things we’ve done. And we will make it out alive, I promise you this love will never die. No matter what, I’ve got your back. I’ll take a bullet or you if it comes to that. I swear to God that in the bitter end, we’ll be the last ones standing. We’ll never fall, we’ll never fade, I promise you forever and my soul today. No matter what until the bitter end, we’re gonna be the last ones standing. Everybody said that we would never last, if they could see us now, I bet they’d take it back. It doesn’t matter what we do or what we say, cause nothing matters anyway. No matter what, I’ve got your back. I’ll take a bullet for you if it comes to that. I swear to God, that in the bitter end, we’re gonna be the last ones standing. We’ll never fall, we’ll never fade, I promise you forever and my soul today. No matter what until the bitter end, we’re gonna be the last ones standing’.”  
“You mean it?” he asked gravely.  
“Forever Troy. I’m with you.”  
He stopped, pulled me close, and kissed me.  
“Forever,” he said. “I’ve got your back.”  
“Are you quoting the song back to me?” I asked with a grin.  
“Yes and no. You keep telling me you’re with me. I want you to know, I feel the same way. I’ve never, uh, felt this way before. I’m with you, Lexi LaRue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features the song 'No Matter What' by Papa Roach.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Trimbols are found and brought back to the ranch. Jake and Alicia go missing. Jake returns without Alicia and Madison wants to go get her back.

Chapter Sixteen

We made it back before the sun rose, cleaned up, and then went to bed. We faced each other, wrapped up in each other’s arms, our noses almost touching.  
“I don’t…I don’t wanna lose control anymore,” he said just above a whisper.  
“I’ll help you,” I whispered back. “We can do it together.”

In the morning we go out for breakfast, Blake stops by our table.  
“A horse belonging to Vernon showed up at dawn, so your father, Nick, and Madison went out earlier to investigate.”  
Troy nodded and went back to eating, Blake nodded back and left. Troy and I locked eyes, hot tears of frustration filling mine and I shook my head.  
“It’ll be okay,” he said.  
Shortly after breakfast they returned, Troy and I are standing next to each other when they pull up, a large group has gathered, everyone wanting to know what’s happened. The truck stops and Madison gets out, she walks around to the back and drops the tailgate down. Then she flings back a tarp. Several people gasp as they see the Trimble’s, dead and burned. Troy’s fingers brush mine, I grab onto his hand, sharing a look with him before turning back to Madison.  
“I’m sorry,” she said. “They were good people and they didn’t deserve this end. My family we, we weren’t prepared like you were. We were strangers and you took us in.”  
Nick walked over slowly; Troy was looking at him, I squeezed his hand and he looked back at Madison.  
“Come to love it here,” Madison continued. “I wish my husband had lived to see it. But he was killed, Travis was killed. He was killed by the same people who killed Phil and our people at the outpost.” Madison looked back at Jeremiah, the pause growing. Did they think Troy did it? Based on the look Nick gave him next, maybe? It was a hard look to read. “Same people, Walker’s people, have now killed our friends. Vernon, Kathy, Mike, Gretchen.”  
I grabbed onto Troy’s arm and stepped closer to him, my eyes sad, playing my part perfectly. Troy got a sad look in his eye, but it was replaced by subtle anger, as he played his part. Our reactions are being watched…I could tell in the way Madison, Jeremiah, and even Nick kept looking between the two of us.   
“I’ve seen firsthand how Walker treats his victims. I saw it at the outpost and I just now saw it again. You built this place together.”  
I could feel Nick lock his eyes on me and I really had to concentrate not to look at him. He would know I was lying… Movement caught my eye as Alicia suddenly leaves the group.   
“Cause of that, you’ve been safe and sheltered. You haven’t been out in the world, we have. If you leave, you die. Walker’s people aren’t strong enough to force us off this land. They’re trying to scare us. That’s how they want us to go, a family or two at a time.”  
She continued on, I observed the others, they all seemed to believe what Madison was telling them. Nodding their heads in agreement, anger rising in them as they took the threat of Walker serious. Madison’s speech ended, and people got back to what they were doing while others got together to dig some graves.  
“Come on,” Troy said, pulling me along, his fingers still entangled with mine.   
We stayed away from the others, tending to the gardens, repairing fences, taking care of in general ranch upkeep. We kept our heads down and listened to what those around us were saying.

Later we stood by the fence, facing the world outside.  
“It seems like they really think it was Walker,” I said quietly, my hand tucked in his arm as he leaned on the gate in front of us.   
“That’s what I’m getting too,” he replied.  
“Madison’s coming over here.” He nodded but remained quiet.  
Madison leaned on the fence and causally looked at us.  
She didn’t say anything for a while, probably waiting for one of us to break. But when neither of us spoke up, she did.  
“There’s a fight coming,” she said. “You could run this place, Troy. Last night you had command, I saw it. Your soldiers saw it and they responded. Your brother doesn’t have what you have. He’s not of this place. You’re the survivor. You’re the heir. You have to save us. Can you?”  
He looked at her for a moment. “Yes ma’am,” he said with a nod.  
She glanced at me but didn’t say anything else before turning and walking away.  
“I don’t think she knows,” I whispered once she was out of sight.  
“Are you going to be able to keep this up?” he asked.  
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”  
“You’re with me?” he asked after a moment.  
“Forever,” I replied without hesitation.  
He put his arm around me, and we stood there, looking out.  
**************

“I’m training new recruits today,” Troy said. “You wanna join?”  
“Uniforms and group activities really aren’t my thing.”  
“What about defending the ranch? Is that your thing?” he asked, his tone sounding a bit irritated.  
“Hey,” I said looking him in the eyes. “I’ll do whatever, I’m with you. You should know that by now. But I don’t want the title of soldier…and I really don’t want to wear camouflage.”  
“What’s your deal with camo?”  
I sighed. “Everyone wore it in Virginia. It was everywhere. It was like if you didn’t they could tell you were an outsider.”  
“So, did you wear it?”  
“No. I’m not a go with the crowd kind of person. In case you couldn’t tell.”  
“Oh, I can tell,” he said with his lopsided grin. “Come on.”  
We went to the shooting range, eight people showed up. They were given guns and then had to prove themselves.   
Nick strolls up. “I’m here to sign up.”  
“Got a note from home?” Troy asked.  
“That’s funny.”  
“No, I’m serious. Madison okay with this?”  
“You wanna go ask her, you need her permission?”  
“Why though, why join the militia?” Troy asked.  
“I don’t know, maybe I feel bad about what I’ve done. You ever feel that way about anything? You do something, and people die and then things get worse.”  
“Maybe you should leave before worse things happen.”  
“Yeah, I got Travis killed, now my mom has to bear that loss. My sister’s missing…I need an occupation.”  
“Nick,” I said looking at him. “Travis was not your fault.”  
“Ultimately right? If I hadn’t left, we never would have been there anyway.”  
“Maybe,” I said. “You can’t blame yourself on what ifs. Travis is dead because the helicopter was shot down.”  
“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Troy said picking up a rifle.  
“Also, I wanna protect us from the ones who killed the Trimbols. What I saw was savage.”  
“Let’s uh…let’s not…spook the new recruits,” Troy said closer to Nick, his voice low. He handed him the gun.  
Nick went over and waited for his turn to shoot. Troy looked at me, I nodded to let him know I was okay. He knew the kind of hold Nick had on me.  
“Alright Lexi,” Troy said handing me a big gun. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”  
I took the gun with a smile. “Okay, show me how to use this one.”

Apparently Jake and Alicia both went missing earlier today. They just left and didn’t tell anyone. Close to sunset Jake comes strolling down the long road to the gate, which is opened at Madison’s request. She and Nick jog out there, but its not Alicia walking next to him, its Ofelia. She’s been living at the Black Hat reservation.   
We are informed that Ofelia is the hostage and Alicia, who, stayed behind at the reservation was theirs. Jake has made a deal with Walker and if the Otto’s give them their water reserves they will leave us alone. The hostages were to avoid bloodshed while negotiations were taking place.  
Madison was very unhappy that Alicia had been left, though Jake assured us that she was safe. 

Troy and I are sitting on the stairs, listening to Jake and Otto talking downstairs.  
“They need water,” Jake said. “They’re ready to take it from us.”  
“Let them come,” Otto said.   
“Can’t we try and find a way? He seemed appeased by my offer to give him our bottled reserves.”  
“No! We might need them.”  
“We can replenish from our wells.”  
“And when they go dry?”  
“Have they ever?”  
“Without rain? Yeah, one day. Especially if we gotta share with those assholes.”  
I reached out slowly, taking Troy’s hand in my own. He watched as I traced over the lines on his palm, as I placed my hand against his to see if they were the same size. His fingers curled around mine and when I looked up at his face he was already gazing back at me.  
“We share, or we risk war.”  
“You think that’ll satisfy Walker, huh? You think they’ll take one drop and not want a gallon? He’ll want everything.”  
“We could lose everything, Dad, if we don’t meet him halfway.”  
“I’d rather be dead than meet with that son of a bitch.”  
Troy’s eyes…so hypnotic as they pulled me in. His hand was warm against my own, soon I could feel his heartbeat. I felt myself leaning closer, our lips nearly touching. Suddenly the door opened, and Madison stormed in. I jumped and looked at her, but she was focused, heading straight for Otto’s office, not even seeing us at all.  
“And what about Alicia?” Madison asked joining in on the conversation. “Did you know he left my daughter behind with those…those…”  
“Savages?” Otto asked. “Yeah, actually I did know. And we got a lady in return. But I hear Alicia volunteered. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to pain-in-the-ass predicaments.”  
“She’s only eighteen!”  
“You know, in the old days, what, a couple of months ago…eighteen was considered an adult.”  
“Even adults make decisions that put themselves in danger.”  
“She’s not in danger as long as we honor the parlay.”  
“What planet are you on?” Madison yelled. “I saw what happened at the outpost, what Walker did.”  
“There are things at play here you can’t even fathom,” Jake said. “You’re an outsider. You need to learn a little faith,” he said and then he walked outside.  
Troy and I stood quietly and went to his room, stranded until they left.  
“You worried about Alicia?”  
“No, she’s tough, like Madison. And she’s already killed someone, I’m sure she could do it again. It’s so weird that Ofelia ended up so close to us.”  
“You know her?”  
“She was with us when we left LA, and her dad.”  
“Why did she get separated?”  
“She left on her own. After Nick.”  
Troy looked away and I closed the space between us, he turned to me and I ran my hands up his arms to his shoulders. He touched my cheek and ran his fingers to my chin, tugging ever so slightly. My lips met his while my hands found their way into his hair. We attempted to maneuver to the bed, but I tripped and then took us both down.  
“I’m sorry,” I said as I laughed.  
“Are you okay?” he replied with a smile.  
He stood and held out his hands to me, I grabbed them, and he pulled me up to my feet.   
I smiled. “Thanks.”  
He went to answer and then I pushed him back onto the bed. He laughed as I sat on top of him, eagerly bringing his lips back to mine.  
*******

Troy and I were outside near the pantry when I saw a flash of blonde making its way over. I sighed, knowing Madison was going to try and rope Troy into her plan since the others had shot her down.   
“Your friend Ofelia is either lying or very stupid,” Troy said.  
“I vote on both,” I added.  
“She’s her father’s daughter,” Madison replied. “She’s not stupid.”  
“Ah, Daniel. I miss him. He was badass, too bad he went insane” I mused.  
“If Walker’s going to take this place- “  
“Try to,” Troy interrupted.  
“Try to take this place, she needs to be on what she thinks is the winning side.”  
“Shouldn’t that be our side?” he asked. “With you? I mean you have a connection.”  
“In her time with us, the world ended, her mother died, her father went mad, burned to death. I’d say Ofelia is for herself.”  
“Why’s she standing by Walker right now?” he asked.  
“Cause she has a reason. He’s violent, he brutal. She thinks he’s going to beat us. Can’t let my daughter’s life be forfeit. I have to get Alicia out of there, now.”  
“I don’t know,” he said shaking his head. “Jake says their heavily armed. We can’t go… demanding.”  
“This is not a conversation,” Madison said hushed but angry.  
“We’ll just give the parlay a couple of days.”  
“Yeah? Is that what you’d do? If you were running things?” He looked away. “No, I don’t think so,” she said. “You, me, Nick, Lexi, a couple of your guys. We slip in and bring her back.”  
“Bring the whole tribe down on her head?” he asked.  
“And? Don’t you want that?” Madison asked walking closer.   
He shook his head. “Jake’s calling the plays.”  
“What if it was Lexi who had been left there?”   
I glared at Madison, that was exactly the kind of crap she pulls with me. Troy, however looked over at me, his eyes finding mine in the fading light.  
“Lets go,” he replied with a sigh.  
Madison smiled briefly. “We’ll go in after dark, be ready.”


End file.
